


The Essence of Love- Revised

by TraceofInk



Category: NCIS
Genre: Long, M/M, Mpreg, Slash, Spoilers: Hiatus, Spoilers: Twilight, WIP, h/c, heartbreak?, more will be added when needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-22
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2017-12-09 05:01:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 75,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/770264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TraceofInk/pseuds/TraceofInk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm sorry for any inconvience I've caused with pulling this story, but I'm currently revising it, because I'm really not happy with where this story was leading and hope for your understanding!</p>
<p>Sincerly,<br/>TraceofInk</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for any inconvience I've caused with pulling this story, but I'm currently revising it, because I'm really not happy with where this story was leading and hope for your understanding!
> 
> Sincerly,  
> TraceofInk

“Morning everyone,” Tony’s cheery voice echoed through the bullpen and had Kate and McGee sitting up a little straighter than usual.

“Good morning,” they replied in unison and stared in surprise at the suddenly appearing Styrofoam cup on either person's desk.

“Oh, is this another one of your pranks, DiNozzo?” Kate asked a little snippishly and stepped up to McGee's desk, where she took the cup from the younger Agent's hands to peer inside.

McGee looked at the cup in Kate's hand like something was going to jump out of it.

“Nope,” the Senior Field Agent said as he put the last cup on Gibbs' desk, before he headed over to his own. “Just thought that you two would enjoy a fresh cup of coffee.”

Kate snorted, very unladylike. “Yeah? But normally you would spike it with salt or Tabasco or something,” everyone was able to tell that she wasn't convinced of Tony's innocence.

“Maybe, Katie, but not today.”

McGee looked from one Agent to the other and then shrugged, before he took the cup from Kate's hand and took a tentative sip...

...and smiled in pleasure.

“Wow,” he said after swallowing. “Just how I like it. Thanks.”

“No problem, Probie,” Tony smiled, and Kate narrowed her eyes.

“Come on, DiNozzo, spill it. Why are you trying to be nice to us?”

The smile on Tony's face fell and made way for a hurt expression.

“Did you step up on Gibbs' shit-list or something and want us to make it all better again?”

Tony swallowed hard.

“No,” he answered, and sat down behind his desk. “I only wanted to do something nice for my teammates, Kate, but you're right. Don't drink it, because I can't be trusted.”

He gathered together the file that he had been working on, stood up, and hurried over to the elevator.

“Hell,” Kate cursed, when she watched how Tony disappeared into the elevator. “Is it just me or is he acting a little emotional this morning?”

McGee simply shrugged.

Kate sighed, before she took a sip of her coffee and was surprised when she tasted tea instead of the bitter brew. “How does he do that?” she wondered aloud.

“How does he do what?” asked Gibbs from beside her and smirked when Kate almost spilled the contents of her Styrofoam cup.

“Uhm...nothing, boss,” Kate answered and watched how their Senior Agent made his way over to his desk.

“Where is DiNozzo?” he asked, while he took a sip from the cup of coffee waiting there and started to open the file on top of the small stack in front of him.

“Don't know-” McGee started to answer and had to swallow when Gibbs glared at him. “I'll find him.”

Gibbs smirked when he watched the youngest agent on the team jump up from his chair and hurry away, before he turned to Kate. “Your report done yet?”

///***

Tony held onto the walls of the elevator, when the nausea hit.

'Oh god, no, not here, not now, please, please, please-' he tried to concentrate on the ideas in the case he had... the young petty officer who had been killed a few years ago...the murderer had never been found...

...he almost succeeded, would have too if it hadn’t been for the slight jump the elevator always did when it reached a level.

The bitter-tasting bile shot suddenly up his throat and all he could do was to head over to the next, thankfully near, standing trash can and to surrender into his misery.

///***

“Anthony?!” Ducky's voice cut through the buzzing in Tony's ears, and the young man groaned softly before he tried to stand up from where he had been kneeling in front of the trash can.

“My poor boy. Come on, I will lend you a hand.”

Tony cleared his throat and nodded.

He felt Ducky's hands on his arms and gasped in surprise when the older man lifted him almost without his help.

“I think, my boy, I should have a look at you, don't you agree?” Ducky asked softly, and steered the young Agent through the doors of Autopsy.

The older ME made Tony sit on one of his tables and chuckled softly when he saw how uncomfortable Tony looked.

“Don't you worry, Anthony. It won't take long.”

“Oh well, I'm sure this table is pretty comfortable for your usual guests, Ducky, but I'm not dead yet, so, why do I have to sit here instead off over there on a chair?” Tony asked, and pointed over to Ducky's desk where a padded chair stood.

“Well-” Ducky opened his medicine bag. He kept it under his desk for moments like this and pulled a stethoscope out of it. “-first off, the light is fairly better over here than it would be over there and-”

Ducky could have just taken a step aside, when he saw how Tony paled. The young man tried to slip from the table, but the old ME placed a soft hand against his chest and prevented him from moving, which resulted in Tony vomiting onto the floor in front of the table.

Ducky tusked when Tony blushed.

“I'm sorry,” Tony began, when he could be sure that nothing else would make an appearance.

“It's alright, my boy,” Ducky patted Tony's arm before he went over to the basin and filled a glass with water.

“Now,” Ducky smiled when Tony accepted the glass. “Let's find out what's wrong with you, shall we?”

///***

Abby was bouncing to the rhythm of her music, when the elevator announced the arrival of a visitor.

“McGee,” she greeted her on-and-off lover and hugged him enthusiastically, before she looked suspiciously at him. “What do you want?”

“Uhm...I thought I could find Tony down here,” McGee answered.

“Tony? Why should he be here?” Abby asked.

“Well, uhm-”

The telephone interrupted McGee and saved him, for the moment , from having to explain Abby what had happened in the bullpen between Tony, Kate and himself. He was sure that the Goth would stalk up to the bullpen and rip Kate into tiny pieces for hurting Tony's feelings, even when she knew how Tony liked to play his pranks on them...

...she was the only person, McGee knew of, who almost always stood on Tony's side when the shit hit the fan...

“Hey Duckman,” Abby greeted and waved at the small display beside her computer.

“Abigail, my Dear,” Ducky greeted back. “I need for you to do me a favor.”

“Okay spill, Duckman,” Abby said grinning.

“Ah...Mister Palmer will be by your lab in a few moments with some blood samples. I need to have it checked as soon as possible.”

“Yeah?” Abby looked thoughtful for a moment. “Do you want for me to search for something specific?”

“No,” Ducky answered a little distracted. “Nothing specific, just the usual tests for now.”

“'kay. I think I can have it done in an hour.”

“That would be terrific, my dear.”

Abby watched how Ducky turned away from the phone and frowned before the line disconnected.

///***

“Jimmy,” Abby greeted when the younger man appeared in the door of her lab. “How's it hanging?”

Jimmy blushed before he answered, ”Fine, thanks. Doctor Mallard sent me-”

“I know, I know, my child of the night,” Abby smiled and took the small tray with vials out of Jimmy's hand. “You can tell Ducky, that I, Queen Abby of the Mass Spectrometer, expect to be accompanied to Luigi's at lunchtime for this.”

Jimmy smiled and pushed his glasses up, ”I'll do that.” He gave a small wave to McGee and disappeared again.

“He's a good boy,” Abby praised, before she frowned when she saw the name on one of the vials.

She stepped around McGee. “Excuse me,” she said. “Gotta work.”

Abby made some object holder ready and turned around, only to bump against McGee, who still stood in the middle of her lab and looked like he was waiting for something.

“McGee,” Abby groused. “Don't you have work to do? Places to be?”

“I've got to find Tony first,” McGee objected.

“Well,” the Goth growled. “He's not here and you're standing in my way.”

The young forensic expert placed a hand on McGee's chest and pushed him backwards, until they had reached the door. “I promise, I'll send him up when I see him, but let me do my work now.”


	2. Chapter 2

'I know what it is,' thought Tony sadly when he watched how Jimmy came back into Autopsy. 'I should have stopped all this before Ducky had a chance to draw the blood. Now he's dedicated to find everything out-'

Ducky stopped with what he was doing when he saw the single tear slipping down Tony's face, “Anthony?”

Tony flinched when he felt the hand of the older man on his arm, and Ducky's surprised gasp had him slipping from the table and leaving the room, before Tony even realized what he was doing.

'I should have listened to my parents- I'm a freak, nothing more,' Tony ignored the elevator and turned to the stairs, but he made it only a few steps, before all strength left him and he sat down heavily on one of the stairs.

///***( Flashback)

“DiNozzo get yourself moving, if you still want a lift home,” Gibbs bellowed when he came down the stairs from his meeting with the director.

“Not necessary anymore, boss,” Tony answered without looking up. “My landlord called. There's a leak in one of the gas lines to the building and the Fire Department closed the whole apartment block down for the next two days.”

Gibbs narrowed his eyes, before he sighed explosively. “Grab your gear, DiNozzo. Can't have you sleeping here and scaring the cleaning crew again.”

“Boss?”

“I still have some of your things at my house from the last time you slept rove, so come on and move it.”

Tony only needed a few minutes to get ready, and Gibbs was silently pleased to get another opportunity to have the man he so

often dreamed of over the last few years, in his house again.

A very, very adult-rated picture began to form in Gibbs' head, and he sighed when he felt himself harden.

“You okay, Boss?” Tony asked, and Gibbs' heart almost stopped when he realized how near the other man stood.

“Yeah. Why?” Gibbs growled and led the way to the elevator.

“Uh...nothing.”

Gibbs wanted to kick himself for being a bastard and tried to give Tony a peace offering, “How about steaks for dinner?”

“Sounds good, Boss,” Tony answered with a small smile.

'Yeah, trust Tony to not be offended by my growling,' Gibbs thought and pressed the button of the elevator.

****

They stopped at a grocery store on the way to Gibbs' house and Tony convinced Gibbs into renting a movie.

“Trust me on this one, Gibbs. You'll like it-”

“Alien, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked, and glared for a moment at the younger man, before he grinned and surprised Tony with, “saw all three of them.”

“Really? Maybe we should look for something else then?” Tony asked, and turned around only to be stopped by one of Gibbs' hands on his arm.

“Nah, I would like to watch it again, DiNozzo.”

“Oh? Alright,” Tony nodded and grinned in relief. “So what do you think about Sigourney Weaver?”

****

They shared a pleasant dinner, with Tony talking about everything and nothing and Gibbs just listening and nodding in the right places.

They sat together at the table with a cup of coffee in front of each man when Tony asked suddenly, “you sure you're alright with this, Gibbs?”

“Why wouldn't I be?” the older man asked back.

“I don't know, Boss. I've got the feeling that you don't want to have me here,” answered Tony, a hint of fear in his green eyes.

“That's bullshit, DiNozzo,” Gibbs jumped up from his chair and walked into the kitchen. “You up for some beer?”

“No,” Tony answered, and Gibbs could hear the rustling of clothes coming from the living room.

When Gibbs came back, with two bottles of beer in his hands, it was to the sight of Tony in the hall, getting ready to leave.

“I'm sorry, Boss, but I think it would be better if I go to a hotel,” Tony had his coat on and his backpack in one hand.

“No,” Gibbs felt a mix of anger and fear start to rush through his body and he moved without realizing it.

The bottles were clinking loudly and Gibbs placed them none-too-cautiously on the small table beside the door, before he took a hold of one of Tony's arms and pulled the younger man against him.

“Don't want you to leave, Tony,” Gibbs said, before he pressed his lips against Tony's.

Tony tried to push him away at first, but then he relaxed into the kiss...

...this was what he really wanted...or not?

Gibbs tongue ran over Tony's lips and dipped in between them, only to disappear again and Tony started to moan in need.

“I really do want you here, Tony.” Gibbs whispered into the younger man's ear when he came up for air. The older man started

to open the buttons of Tony's dress shirt. “I really want to have you in my bed tonight, too.”

“Oh, God!” Tony moaned.

This was a dream come true, since the day Gibbs had hired him...

He blushed when Gibbs chuckled, ”So needy.”

Gibbs let his hands wander down to the waistband of Tony's slacks, “Let me fuck you, Tony.”

“I-I- We can't, boss- Gibbs,” Tony stammered, but all resolve left him when he felt Gibbs open his zipper, reach through it and take a hold of his cock.

Tony closed his eyes and moaned loudly when the older man started to stroke him slowly up and down; his calloused hand gave him just the right kind of friction.

He was steered slowly back into the living room and gasped in shock when the back of his legs hit something, but Gibbs just pushed him a little harder and he sat down with an “Oof!”

“Want you so bad,” Gibbs whispered, just before his mouth found Tony's again and every thought of resisting left Tony's head with the next moan.

For the first time in his life he would let someone else lead him...

Everything went faster after that...

Tony watched how Gibbs got rid of his clothes and had time to admire the body of the older man for a moment, before Gibbs took control...

He couldn't remember when he got out of his own clothes, or when he turned to kneel on the couch...

Tony groaned with pain when a lube covered finger pierced his body...

Gibbs was whispering things and Tony thought he could understand some words as declarations of love...

Love...

Gibbs’ free hand started to run over Tony's back and the younger man concentrated on its warmth, which was able to relax him further, and before the younger man knew what was happening the finger in him disappeared to make way for two, then three...

“I'm going in now,” Gibbs whispered, and Tony could hear the sound of a tube being squeezed. He had a moment of time to wonder why Gibbs had a tube of lube in his living room, before the blunt head of Gibbs' cock breached the entrance to his body.

“Relax, Tony.”

“You're too big,” Tony gasped, and Gibbs groaned.

“No, you only need to relax.”

'What if he's a virgin too-' Gibbs shook his head. 'Can't be, right? Not with all the people he was dating. I saw him kissing that guy a few months ago and I'm sure that they've done more-'

Gibbs thoughts cut off when the head of his cock slipped through the tight opening.

“That's it,” Gibbs crooned and waited for Tony to relax further before he pressed deeper. “Oh God, you're so tight.”

He pressed deeper until he couldn't go any further. “I'm in, do you feel me?” Gibbs asked and kissed Tony's neck.

“Y-y-yes,” Tony answered and moaned.

“You feel fantastic around me, Tony,” Gibbs whispered and placed his hands on Tony's and linked their fingers, before the older man started to move slowly, and Tony gasped when unknown sensations went through his body.

Gibbs apparently knew exactly what he was doing and angled his movements just right to hit the “magic” spot with every stroke into Tony's body.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five strokes and Tony was coming with a loud shout.

Now it was Gibbs' turn to gasp, when Tony's inner walls tightened around his cock.

When Gibbs collapsed on Tony's back and Gibbs' arms found their way around Tony's body, the younger man felt how the coldness in him, which had invaded his body such a long time ago, gave way to the feelings of warmth and safety.

Tony smiled softly when he felt the sweaty body against his back, which was pressing him down against the cushions of the couch. He didn't want to close his eyes just yet, too afraid that everything that had just happened would disappear when he awoke in the morning, but the warmth around him and Gibbs' even breathing made it hard to resist and a moment later he was snoring softly.

****

Tony awoke the next morning, with an afghan thrown over his legs, sticky, smelling of sex and sweat, and very much alone.

He flinched a little when he tried to sit up, his backside burning more than a little after the exercise it received last night.

Gibbs was nowhere to be seen, but the familiar smell of coffee drifted over from the kitchen and Tony could just convince his body to move in that direction after a few additional minutes of just sitting.

“Morning,” he greeted when he saw Gibbs leaning against the countertop, but he had to swallow when he was greeted by a set of hard, blue eyes.

“I recommend that you use the shower,” Gibbs growled, and made his way over to the door. “I'll be in the office in an hour. Don't be late.”

The older man left without a backward glance, and Tony stood still like a statue, until he heard Gibbs' car start.

The man walked into the bathroom, feeling confused and numb all over; he got so far as to start the water before he broke down and cried.

The feelings of warmth he had felt since the night before made way again for the all-too-familiar feelings of coldness and loneliness he had felt all his life...

****

Gibbs bought a coffee to go from his favorite coffee shop, all the time kicking himself for letting himself leave like that.

Why the hell had he slept with Tony, now of all times?

Didn't he have enough problems, without adding a gay relationship with his Senior Field Agent to them?

He pressed the styrofoam cup a little too tightly and burning hot coffee gushed over his hand. He cursed loudly, which earned him a disgusted look from an elderly woman beside him.

He couldn't keep his mind away from the way Tony had looked this morning...

..hurt...

...confused...

...and so damn vulnerable that Gibbs had wanted to take him into his arms and never let him go...

...but he hadn’t...

...he'd stepped away, like the bastard he was, and turned his back on the younger man who meant so much more to him than anyone had for a very long time...

****

Gibbs walked into the bullpen and met Director Morrow's gaze; Morrow stood on the stairs and watched his agents work.

“Agent Gibbs,” the Director said. “A word, please.”

Gibbs nodded and changed direction to stand in front of the older man a moment later.”Tom?”

“We need to talk about the mission.” Director Morrow pointed in the direction of his office and both men began to walk upstairs, but the ping of the arriving elevator had Gibbs stopping. He watched how Tony walked slowly, and without his usual spirit, to his desk and the older man sighed.

What he wouldn't give for a chance to make it all better with Tony, to seek forgiveness for what he’d done...

Gibbs shook his head slightly and was surprised when he realized that the Director was watching him with sympathetic eyes.

“I think we have to talk about more than that mission,” the Director smiled and placed a warm hand on the former marine’s shoulder.

One hour later:

“So,” the Director concluded. “You think it's possible you can get hired by the men of that group and gather the information we need?”

“Well,” Gibbs sipped at the coffee the Director's secretary had provided them with. “If it's true, that

this group is hiring retired Marines, there is no reason to believe that they won't hire me, too. Especially with that background Abby made up for me.”

Morrow nodded, “We can try it, but one hint of trouble and you’re out of there, understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Gibbs nodded.

“And now,” the Director watched how Gibbs' face closed off, as if the agent knew what would follow now. “What's going on with you and your second-in-command?”

“Sir?” Gibbs asked, knowing well what Morrow meant, but trying to deflect it, even when he knew he wouldn't succeed.

“Don't ‘sir’ me, Jethro,” Morrow chided and opened his jacket, which was a clear sign that the man was now Tom-the-friend instead of Director Morrow. “I've watched you out there and I know that look on your face all too well.”

Gibbs paled.

“You've done something, right?” the Director asked softly. “Something that hurt both of you.”

“I-” Gibbs started, before he gave up and simply nodded.

“Damnit, Jethro,” the Director exploded.

Gibbs blushed, which made the anger the director felt burst like a soap bubble. “No, don't tell me - you slept with him.”

Gibbs kept silent, of course; what he'd done with Tony broke more of his rules then he cared to think about, but his blush went a shade or two deeper.

“Ah, hell, Jethro, if we weren't friends...”

****

Tony was silent, too silent for Kate. She cast a troubled look at the Senior Field Agent and tried hard to find a reason for Tony's abnormal behavior until she couldn't take it anymore, slammed her pen down, and jumped to her feet to walk over to him.

But Tony chose that moment to get to his feet himself and walk out of the bullpen with nothing much more than a halfhearted, “be back soon,” and Kate let out an annoyed huff.

“Something wrong?” McGee's voice came from beside her and she jumped a little in guilty

surprise.

“Don't do that, McGee,” she growled.

“Don't do what, Agent Todd,” McGee asked in confusion, but hurried to his desk when he saw Gibbs and the Director coming down the stairs.

“Listen up people,” Director Morrow said loudly. “Agent Gibbs and you two will work on a case with the LEO's in Milwaukee.

Agent Gibbs will fill you in,” the Director had a look at his watch. “Your flight will leave two hours from now, so you’d better start soon.”

“Um, sir?” McGee's voice sounded more than a little confused.

“Agent?” the Director turned to the young Agent with his patent fatherly smile.

“I don't want to question you, but what about Agent DiNozzo? Won't he-”

“No,” the director nodded. “He won't accompany you. In fact, Agent DiNozzo will be working with a different team, which is currently a man short.”

“Tom,” Gibbs' face showed his protest clearly, but the Director only shrugged.

“My decision, Agent Gibbs,” the Director growled, and ignored the confused looks from Agents Todd and McGee. “I do what I think is best for my Agents. Any other questions?” the Director asked and looked around, ignoring the confused looks from the young Agents and the almost deadly glare from Gibbs. “I expect a Sit-rep on a daily basis, Agent Gibbs.”

“Yes sir,” Gibbs growled, and gave his Agents the sign to leave. “Can I talk to DiNozzo?” he asked softly when Todd and McGee were out of earshot.

“Do you think that would be a good idea?” Morrow asked just as softly back and watched how Gibbs' shoulders fell and the man nodded in acceptance before he followed his Agents out.

Director Tom Morrow sighed deeply, when he watched as Agent DiNozzo stepped out of the elevator and cast a searching look around the bullpen.

The boy was pale and even his goofy way with the pregnant wife of one of the Agents couldn't fool the Director over the fact that there was something wrong with him.

He let out another sigh, before he made his way down to the bullpen and over to Agent DiNozzo, who looked truly puzzled over the fact that his team was missing.

“Agent DiNozzo?” the Director smiled a soft smile when the young Agent jumped a little.

“Sir?” Tony stood up from behind his desk and moved around it.

“I've reassigned you to Agent Mulligan's team, which is a man down since they lost Sullivan.”

Tony paled a little more, but he nodded after a moment of silence.

“I- I- I understand, sir,” Tony said flatly. “I'll report to him as soon as I cleared my desk.”

“It's only temporary, Agent DiNozzo,” the Director tried to set him at ease, and Tony nodded again, but Morrow had the feeling that the Agent wasn't convinced.

*****

Tony cleaned his desk and made his way over to Mulligan's team in the same hour.

Their caseload was heavy, but not as heavy as he was used to and he spent the rest of the day with them, catching up.

Mulligan was so different from Gibbs that Tony had no trouble forgetting the older man when he was working...

...but during the evenings and nights, when he was alone in his apartment, everything came rushing back to haunt him...

He'd loved Gibbs for so damn long and had tried to live with the fact that his love would never ever be returned, but then

Gibbs had made his move and he'd felt hope, for a few hours at least, that Gibbs would be able to love him back...

...but then the night had been over...

...and now he felt nothing, except this incredible pain in his chest where once his heart had been.

Two weeks into Tony's new assignment, the young agent had established a pattern:

He would come into work early, earlier than anyone else on the team, and work late. He would drive home, where he sat on the couch for a few minutes, before the silence got to him and he started to remember...

...the feeling of Gibbs' skin against his own...

...the sound of Gibbs' voice in his ears...

...He would jump up and change into his running clothes, before he went out into the night and ran, until his legs were starting to cramp and his lungs were protesting...

Then he would return home, where he let himself fall on the bed, so damn tired of everything...

Tony would sleep until he dreamed...

And every morning he would awake in darkness.

The clock would read three or maybe four in the morning, his eyes gritty and red, and his pillow wet, and he would throw it across the room in anger at himself, before he got up, showered, ate something (when he could stomach something), but more often than not he would just sit there, at the table, because the couch, even his couch, was able to bring back the memories...  
Two weeks later Tony began to feel sick.


	3. Chapter 3

Gibbs, Kate and McGee arrived at the Milwaukee airport in the evening on the same day, and were met by a homicide detective; he had Kate shuddering a little when she got her first good look at him.

He was almost as tall as Tony, but scruffy, and the penetrating smell of cheap cigarettes and days-old sweat clung to his clothes and made her gag.

“Special Agent Gibbs?” The man asked, looking at McGee. The young Agent happily stepped aside to make way for his boss.

“That would be me,” Gibbs growled, and decided it would be a good idea to stay where he was for now. In the open and upwind.

“My name is Detective Rogers. I'm the lead detective in the case against Addison and his company,” the detective extended his hand and looked a little baffled when Gibbs refused to shake it. “Well, my car is right over there-”

“Won't be necessary, detective,” Gibbs interrupted and gave a small nod to McGee, who hurried away. “My Agent will get a rental for us. I'm sure you'll be happy to go home sometime soon.”

The detective frowned before he shrugged and nodded,” Home would be good, sir. I've been working non-stop for four days now.”

“Not that we could actually smell THAT,” Kate whispered from behind them, and Gibbs had to fight not to give away that he had heard her.

“It's late,” Gibbs said, and watched McGee join them again with the keys to a car dangling from his fingers, and struggling with a few of his bags. “We could meet tomorrow for breakfast and you could fill us in then.”

Kate looked a little shocked at that, before she realized that Gibbs would want to have this detective as far away from himself as possible.

“Uhm...yeah, okay,” the detective said and walked a few steps away from them, before he came back again and gave Gibbs two key-cards. “They are for your rooms. The hotel is called The Iron Horse, and the address is 500 West Florida Street.”

Gibbs nodded and did sigh in relief when the man reached his car and finally drove off.

“God,” Kate glared after the departing car. “A little time for water and soap couldn't have been too much to spare, right?”

McGee laughed,” Yeah, he smelled pretty bad.”

“Pretty bad is the understatement of the year, McGee,” Kate shuddered theatrically. “That man and his B.O. would make any criminal drop dead after one sniff.”

“Oh yeah, I can see that,” McGee laughed.”The man would shout ‘Stop or I will raise my arm’ instead of ‘Stop or I'll shoot’.”

Gibbs' face twisted into a very short grin, before he snatched the keys from McGee's fingers and started to walk over to the parking lot.

“It's a silver Audi A6, boss,” McGee called,hurrying after him.“The woman told me it would have Number 3-4-4 in the windshield.”

Gibbs sighed in relief when they had reached the hotel and debated for a moment with himself whether or not to call Tony, before he shook his head in denial.

McGee was unpacking beside him and he didn't want to give the young agent anything to talk about.

“Boss?” McGee asked cautiously.

“McGee?” Gibbs started at the younger man. McGee looked a little unsure before he sighed and squared his shoulders.

“I was wondering if you were hungry? I saw a steakhouse on our way in,” McGee swallowed when Gibbs' glared at him, before the older Agent sighed again and nodded.

Kate was the one who, over the obligatory cup of coffee at the end of their meal, which had been great by the way, said what she thought about the case, “Okay, let's get this straight, alright? We, as NCIS, suspect that this Allison-guy is smuggling drugs from Mexico into the States. And he’s hiring retired Marines to escort the shipments, right?”

Gibbs watched her silently, refusing to answer, but McGee nodded his head like an overeager puppy.

“ And Abby made a background for you with some juicy details in it and got the word out that you were retired, not only from the Marines, but from NCIS as well, so that Allison would be a fool not to hire you, when he hears that you're in town, right?”

Kate looked over at Gibbs and sighed when she saw him watching her, silently sipping his coffee. “So why is Homicide involved in this mission?”

“Because,” Gibbs placed his cup on the table and gave the waitress the sign for a refill. “Three of the four of Allison's hired Marines were found dead on a beach on the Gulf of Mexico. We know they had ties to Allison and his company, but have no evidence to pin him down effectively. So it was decided that I would go undercover and get the evidence with the help of the local LEO's,” Gibbs spoke nonchalantly about his assignment.

An assignment which could cost him his life, too.

Kate exploded,“It's not that simple, Gibbs. What if they discover that you're a snitch? What if-”

“Then this assignment will be over faster than we anticipated,” Gibbs answered sarcastically.

“THAT'S NOT FUNNY!” Kate shouted, which resulted in some interested looks from the other people in the restaurant.

“Agent Todd, you're in dangerous territory right now. Step down or you'll find yourself on a plane home and without a job; do I make myself clear?” Gibbs growled without raising his voice.

Kate first paled and then blushed, before she nodded, ”Crystal, Gibbs.”

“Can I ask a question, boss?” McGee piped in and was instantly pinned by two sets of angry eyes.

“What do you want to know, McGee?” Gibbs asked back.

“Why isn't Tony here with us? Won't we need-”

“Didn't you hear what the director said, McGee?” Gibbs growled, his eyes blazing with real anger now, before he stood and walked out of the restaurant and away from his agents.

Kate only shook her head, when McGee looked at her confused. “Come on, Kate, that can't be all there is to it, right?”

“We won't know before we get home again and can grill Tony about it, Timothy,” Kate answered and grabbed her purse.

“So you think there is something else to it, too?”

“Geesh, McGee,” was the only answer he received from her.

When McGee opened the door to Gibbs’ and his room, he could hear the shower and decided to cruise through the Internet to see what he could find out about Allison and his company. He settled himself on one of the beds and fished his laptop out of its

case and was soon absolutely oblivious to everything except the monitor in front of him.

Gibbs stood in the shower and let the hot water hit his body like a punishment, never feeling the tears, which were spilling from his eyes and mingling with the water.

They had only needed a few days to get Allison to take notice of Gibbs and a few more until the man came to hire the Agent for his next shipment.

Everything went smoothly and soon Gibbs found himself in the middle of it all, with Kate still worrying about everything and McGee dutiful, giving Sit-rep's to the Director of NCIS on a daily basis.

A few weeks later:

“You've betrayed me,” Allison shouted, when the door of his warehouse exploded and armed men were storming in.

“Yeah,” Gibbs nodded and tried to rise up from the ground, wincing a little with the pain when his ribs protested the movement.

“Damn you, you bastard. I should never have trusted you,” Allison watched for a second, as his men were fighting with the incoming enemies, before he pointed his gun at Gibbs.

“Do you really think shooting me will get you out of this?” Gibbs asked calmly.

“No, but I would go down knowing that you died in here with me.” Allison clicked the safety off and Gibbs closed his eyes, resigned to the fact that he wouldn't survive this.

Suddenly a shot rang out and Gibbs needed a moment to realize that he was still breathing, with no additional holes in his already-sore body.

He opened his eyes to the sight of Allison slowly slipping to the ground with a disbelieving look in his face and a spreading red blotch on his chest.

The man was dead when his body had hit the ground.

Kate stood behind the man and clicked the safety of her gun back on before she was rushing over to her boss.

A few hours later

“That was good work, Jethro,” Morrow said from beside Gibbs.

All of them were sitting in a private plane on their way home, with McGee writing on his ever-present laptop and Kate dozing.

“Thank you, Director,” Gibbs replied without turning his eyes away from the clouds outside.

Morrow sighed.

“Would it help you if I told you that DiNozzo had done good work, too?”

“I know that he's good, Tom,” Gibbs all but growled. “He wouldn't be on my team otherwise.”

McGee lifted his head to watch for a moment; their director was shaking his head in annoyance. “Come on, Jethro, what do you want to hear?”

“Nothing Tom,” Gibbs answered, and for the first time since the conversation had started he was looking at the older man.

“It's a done deal, right?”

“Jethro,” Morrow began but Gibbs interrupted him.

“I don't want to discuss this anymore, Tom. Like I said, it's a done deal, so I'll have to live with the consequences.”

“God damn it,” Morrow cursed softly, but was thankfully silent for the rest of the flight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The explanation I used for why Tony would be able to become pregnant is very fictive, but well...  
> This Chapter contains a look into Tony's childhood...

Magdalena DiNozzo looked in shock at the doctor in front of her.“What do you mean ‘my boy is a miracle’,” she asked in a high-pitched voice.

“Ma'am, you need to understand that something like this has only a one billion to one chance of happening,” the doctor tried to reason with the obliviously distraught woman. “I think it's because there might have been two fetuses in the uterus at the beginning, but at some point one died and was absorbed by the other, but instead of disappearing completely, the dead fetus gave some organs to the surviving baby, whose body then accepted as its own.”

“No, you're lying,” Magdalena shouted and grabbed her son, before she rushed out of the doctor's office.

She wasn't able to accept that answer and consulted every doctor she could think of, but every one of them gave her the same answer.

Anthony had a twin at some point of her pregnancy.

His twin had been female.

She had been absorbed by the boy's body and given him some of her female organs.

Anthony could get pregnant and, if he ever carried a child, he would be able to care for it just like any woman could.

As Anthony's mother, Magdalena couldn't live with that.

Her once so perfect boy was an abnormality of nature...

He should have made his parents proud, his father had already planned that he would inherit the family business someday...the boy should have married Giovanna, a daughter of one of Anthony Senior's wealthy partners...but now the only thing Magdalena felt when she looked down, at the thing she had given birth to, was a mix of disgust and anger.

Her son had died that day in August, when the last doctor she had consulted confirmed to her what the others had already told her again and again, and when her look met the boy's green eyes she felt nothing else except a deep sense of failure about the fact, that the only child she had been able to give birth to, would be such a monster.

Magdalena's husband, Anthony Senior blamed her alone and did everything to make her feel it, too, until she couldn't take it anymore and started to drown her feelings with alcohol and tranquilizers.

Little Anthony grew up without the love every child deserved, but every possible moment was used to call him a freak, to call him gross and disgusting.

And his mother had always been the worst.

She would scream at him, until someone would come and take him away. She had even called a priest once or twice, convinced that he would be the pure evil incarnate.

Anthony's father was almost a stranger to him; the man would simply ignore the boy when he was in the same room with him and Anthony had to call him “Sir” and “Mister” instead of “Dad” or "Father” and what other people recognized simply as a very strict education had the small boy crying every night.

The fighting started a week after his mother came back from her latest “vacation”.

Well, Anthony was told by one of the staff that his mother had been on vacation; only the older Anthony junior would realize that his mother had been in an asylum.

His parents would shout at each other every day for hours, until his father would storm out of the house and drive away, and little Anthony would hide under his bed and hope with all his heart that they would stop.

Simply stop...only stop...anything would have been better than to hear that his father called his mother a whore and a slut, who had simply earned what she deserved when she had given birth to that monster.

And stop it did...

...on the 29th August, three days after Anthony's seventh birthday, Magdalena killed herself by slashing her wrists...

Even as an adult that day would haunt Tony through his dreams...

...how he opened the bathroom door because he had heard some noises coming from the inside...

...how he saw all this red liquid spilled on the ground around his mother's body and how he couldn't understand why his mother would lay on the floor like this...

...unmoving...

His mother had always hated to be dirty, almost more then she hated him, and now she was lying on the bathroom floor, covered in this dark red gore...

“Mother?” he asked and started to move into the room...

His little foot hit a wet tile and he fell to the ground directly beside his still unmoving mother.

“Mother? Mother are you sleeping?” he patted his mother's arm and tried to shake her awake, but she didn't move...only her head was rolling around until her white eyes met his green ones...

His current nanny was finally the one who found the two in the bathroom.

She took one look, before she started to scream...

The adult Tony would come awake then, panting and gasping for breath and afraid that he would see his father again, who had stepped into the bathroom, face red with anger, because they were late for an important charity dinner.

The man had grabbed Tony's arm and pulled the boy to his feet until Tony thought his arm would rip right out from his body and he started to cry out in pain, but the only result had been a hard, stinging slap on his mouth.

“Get out,” his father shouted into the boy's face. “Go out and don't dare to come back.”

Tony ran...

...not noticing the blood covering his clothes...

He ran up to his room and hid under his bed, whimpering in fear of his father, not understanding what was happening...

The boy stayed there, until sometime later he could hear heavy footsteps coming to his room and the door opened slowly.

Someone sat down on his bed with an heavy sigh.

“Anthony?” a man's voice asked. “I know you don't know me, but my name is Salvatore DiNozzo, I'm your father's father and your grandfather.”

Tony gasped, he'd never met someone from his parent’s family before.

“I know you're afraid and you saw some truly scary things tonight, but maybe you can give me a small chance and come out from under that bed?” Salvatore asked.

Tony nodded a few times, not realizing that the man couldn't see him doing it and worked his way out from under the bed and to his feet, on which he stood uncertain about what would happen next.

“Oh my boy,” Salvatore said with tears in his eyes,” You became so beautiful, just like your mama.”

Salvatore gathered the small body into his arms and refused to let him go again until he was a few miles away from the mansion that had been the boy’s home and personal hell, until this very moment.

The next five years became the best of Anthony DiNozzo's life.

He learned that love was not something to be measured in how many sailor outfits he had to wear for his mother's tea parties, or how perfectly silent he could be when the adults spoke...

Love was called Salvatore.

Salvatore would wake him early each morning so that they could have breakfast together, before Salvatore would bring Tony to his school and tend to his business. The afternoons were spent together.

When the weather was nice they would head over to the nearest park.

They would play ball, and hide 'n seek...

When the weather was bad they would share the couch and watch movies...

Salvatore laughed a lot and loudly, something Tony was not used to. His parents never had laughed in front of him.

When Tony turned twelve, on the first day of winter, Salvatore DiNozzo died.

Heart-attack they'd said.

And Tony was sent back to his father, who not only forgot him once in that boring hotel in Hawaii, but also sent him to the Rhode Island Military Academny, to keep him as far away from himself and his new wife as possible...

On his first day at school he was called to the chancellor’s office where he met with his father's attorney, who told him in uncompromising terms that his father had disinherited him but the school would be paid for until he reached his sixteenth birthday.

The attorney had looked at him with pity in his eyes and left soon after, leaving behind a broken boy and a confused chancellor, who couldn't do much if he wanted to keep DiNozzo Senior as one of the biggest funders of the school.

Anthony, who insisted that he was called Tony, had just reached his sixteenth birthday when a woman came up to him, after he had his last class for the day.

The woman was nice looking with a soft face and kind blue eyes.

She had been the attorney of his grandfather, she explained.

Salvatore had left him a lot of money, she said.

He would never have any money problems ever again, as long as he lived.

She'd pulled him into her arms when he started to cry and she had comforted him as well as she could, before she made him pack the few things he had and drove him to Peoria, where she helped him to start a new life on his own...


	5. Chapter 5

Five weeks after Gibbs and the others had left Tony behind to go on that mission, they were back, and Tony sighed when he heard the familiar bickering between Kate and McGee.

Both of them stopped just in front of Tony's new desk beside Agent Halligan's, and were openly staring at him.

Their Senior Field Agent had lost weight, and the dark rings under his eyes bore witness to the long hours he had put in since Gibbs and the others had left him behind per Director Morrow's order.

Five weeks.

For three of them Tony couldn't bear the smell of food, and more often than not he found himself bent over a toilet, puking his soul out.

Five weeks of pain whenever he simply smelled coffee.

He'd even trashed his wooden CD-rack, because the smell of it was reminding him of something he couldn't ever have.

It had reminded him of Gibbs.

///*

Gibbs took one look at Tony and felt a sharp pang of guilt crash over him.

He'd done that.

Gibbs shot a dark look in the direction of the director's office, before he settled down behind his desk to write his final report.

Was he a bastard or a coward, for not talking to Tony?

He'd just barely put his signature on the report, when he jumped up from his chair and escaped home to his basement.

The basement, his refuge against the world, where he worked on his newest boat and drank bourbon... where he thought about the events of the day, or the weeks, or the last five weeks... or the events which happened that one night before those five weeks...

How could he make it all better again?

How could he tell Tony that he had been ordered to keep silent, to not jeopardize the case which had been so accurately worked out by the director and himself...

How could he tell Tony, that he had used the last few weeks before the mission started to work on his background and to establish some connections in the underground for it, such that he could hardly let it all go to waste... because of one shared night.

*Yeah, tell him that, idiot, and hold still when he beats the shit out of you,* Gibbs thought and walked over to his workbench to get himself a different tool.

A shiver ran down Gibbs' back when he remembered Tony, how he looked when he was moving under him, his face showing pure bliss.

Then he remembered the next morning, when Tony came into his kitchen and the first look he had received from Tony then... so full of love and hope, but then he had destroyed everything... the green, hurt eyes forever burnt into his memory.

*No,* Gibbs threw the tool at the workbench again and went upstairs as fast as his bruised ribs would let him.

He had to find a way to remedy it. Somehow.

///*

The knocking on his door woke Tony in the middle of the night. The young man needed some time to come fully awake, which only resulted in whoever it was knocking against his door growing impatient and starting to use his fists.

All the weeks he had worked long hours, plus the vomiting, had left him feeling weak and so very tired most of the time that he could hardly set one foot in front of the other now.

Tony opened the door to an angry-looking Gibbs.

“Boss?” Tony asked with a mix of confusion and surprise in his voice.

“What took you so long, DiNozzo?” Gibbs growled and pushed his way into Tony's apartment. Tony stumbled out of the man's way and watched how Gibbs prowled through his living room.

“Maybe because it's-” Tony took a quick look at his kitchen clock, ”oh-two hundred in the morning?”

Gibbs glared at him for a moment, before his eyes began to soften,” you slept in your clothes?”

“Do we have a case?” Tony asked, not meeting the older man's eyes.

*Please God, let him just go away,* Tony thought, and made himself look busy with filling a glass with water from the kitchen sink.

“I-” Gibbs sighed.” Look Tony, I-”

Gibbs' cell phone began to ring just at that moment and Gibbs looked like he wanted to shoot someone.

“Better take the call, Boss,” Tony said in a monotone.

“Tony,” Gibbs began, but Tony just turned around and disappeared through a door.

Gibbs glared at the door, but answered the call.

Another dead marine had been found somewhere.

Gibbs snapped that he would call his team and be there soon, before he closed his phone. He could hear Tony moving behind the closed door, just before the young agent called, “I'll need a second to get ready.”

Gibbs couldn't see the tears Tony was wiping away from his face, before he started to strip out of his pajamas and made his way over to his bathroom.

///*

Later the same morning (a few minutes after Tony ran out of Autopsy: see Chapter 2):

Tony sat on the steps in the stairway after he'd run away from Ducky, and cried with his head leaned against the wall and his eyes closed.

Anyone who might see him like this would know that something was seriously wrong with the young agent, but no one came...

Abby rushed into Autopsy just when Ducky was getting ready to follow Tony, and the older ME had a hard time understanding what the Goth was trying to tell him, until he heard the words “Tony” and “pregnant”.

“What did you say, Abigail?” Ducky placed his hands on Abby's shoulders to keep the bouncing woman still.

“YoudidsentsomebloodtomewithTony'snameonitandIdidtestitandTonyispregnant,” the words rushed out of Abby's mouth. It had Ducky and Jimmy staring, before Ducky sighed, waited a moment and ordered her, “try again, Abigail, but this time with the proper spaces between the words.”

Abby glared; she couldn't believe that Ducky didn't understand her first try, “I said, I did a speedy test on the vials with Tony's name on them, and I found out that Tony's pregnant.”

Jimmy gasped, ”but-but, Doctor? How's that even possible?”

Ducky sighed again and could suddenly feel every bit of the years he had on his shoulders.

Ducky walked over to his desk, where he pulled a bottle out of a drawer and grabbed a glass from the shelf above it.

“Ducky?” Abby asked in a hushed voice.

“He told me, after he became ill with the plague, that he could become pregnant because of some abnormalities in his body,” the ME took a long look at the bottle of Scotch, before he sighed deeply and put it away again. “Mister Palmer, do you think you can finish here without me?”

“S-S-Sure, Doctor,” Jimmy stammered and turned back around to finish taking inventory of their supplies.

“What do you-” Abby started, but Ducky stopped her with a soft finger against her black lips.

“I think I will apply for some sick-time. I'm feeling a little sick this morning,” Ducky turned to get his coat and hat, but before he could go out the door opened, and Gibbs rushed in.

“Going somewhere, Duck?” he asked and watched as Ducky slid into his coat.

“As a matter of fact, yes Jethro, I am. I'm going home’ I'm not feeling too well this morning,” Ducky said, and his look dared Gibbs to say something against it.

“Nothing serious I hope?” Gibbs asked and took a sip of his ever-present coffee.

“I don't think so; maybe Mother did pass the flu over to me, or something.”

Gibbs nodded before he asked, ”who will take over for you?”

“I will call Doctor Marley; she is quite capable of running Autopsy until I am back again,” Ducky answered, and turned to Jimmy, who was watching everything from his spot at the far side of the room.“You can call me if you experience any problems, Mister Palmer.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good boy. Now, if you excuse me, I have a bed with my name on it waiting for me.” Ducky gave a small wave with his hat, before he disappeared through the doors.

Gibbs frowned before he turned around to the two remaining people “Someone care to explain to me just what's going on here?”

“Oh,” Abby had cocked her head like she was listening to something.“I think that's my mass spectrometer beeping. See ya later,” she called, and all but ran out of Autopsy.

Gibbs watched her go, before he turned his attention on Jimmy. “Palmer?”

“Sir?” Jimmy was almost shaking in fear of the man, and gulped when Gibbs' eyes pinned him.

“Is there something going on I should know about?” Gibbs asked impatiently and watched Jimmy swallow hard.

Jimmy did a give a sigh of relief, when he was saved by the ringing of Gibbs' cell phone. Gibbs answered with a very clipped,

“Gibbs,” before he stormed out and disappeared.

///*

McGee stepped out of the elevator and was surprised to see that Gibbs and Kate were getting ready to move out.

“We have a dead marine, McGee, so get a move on,” Gibbs shouted, before he went past him and disappeared into the elevator.

“Did you find him?” Kate asked in a whisper, concern clearly audible in her voice.

McGee simply shook his head.

“Where's DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked when his Agents had joined him in the elevator.

“I couldn't find him, Boss,” McGee answered, and Gibbs glared at him, before the older agent filled them in about the dead marine, and privately made himself concentrate on the new case at hand.

///*

Ducky had a very good idea of where he might find Tony.

Ever since Tony had started at NCIS, the young man would use a certain place to hide away for a few minutes, sure of the fact that nobody would disturb him as long as the elevators were working.

And so the older ME opened the door to the stairwell instead of using the elevator, and slipped into the badly-illuminated stairway.

He let the door close behind him with a soft sound, and sure enough there was the sound of someone sobbing softly, somewhere above him. The older man sighed before he took the steps cautiously so that he wouldn't spook the young agent until he reached the steps where Tony was sitting.

“Anthony, my dear boy, I take it that you know what's going on with you?” Ducky held his hand out to Tony, who jumped a little in surprise, before Tony’s red-rimmed eyes were turning to the older ME. The younger man nodded.

“What do I do now, Ducky?” Tony whispered, and Ducky had to fight against showing his own emotions, before he took a hold of

Tony's hand and pulled him to his feet.

“We will go to the Director and apply for some much needed down time for you, then we will drive over to your apartment and pack up some of your things. I'm sure Mother wouldn't mind going to stay at the nursing home a little earlier this year.”

“No,” Tony started to protest, but was cut off by a glare from the ME, who simply started to steer him up the stairs.

///*

Director Morrow was quite surprised when he saw DiNozzo and their ME stepping into his office, and he was suddenly and painfully aware of just how sick the agent was looking and how thin he had become.

“Doctor Mallard? How can I help you and Agent DiNozzo?” He asked, and watched how Ducky made Tony sit down in one of the Director's chairs before he turned towards the desk.

“We need to apply for some sick leave,” Ducky said, and watched the Director’s eyes narrow.

“Both of you?” Morrow asked.

“Yes, I am afraid it will need to be both of us, Director,” Ducky nodded his head.

“Well, can I ask why?”

“Because of some health issues,” Ducky answered smoothly and Tony had to wonder how much they would have to tell the Director, before he would be satisfied with the answer.

“Something I should know about?” Morrow's eyes were piercing. Tony made himself ready to tell the Director about his unusual condition, but was saved by Ducky.

The older man blocked Morrow's view of Tony and shook his head, before he answered the question with, “not at this time, Director.”

Morrow tried one more time to get more information. “Come on, Ducky. Can't you tell me something more?”

“I am afraid that I cannot tell you anything more than I already did, Tom,” Ducky answered. It was met with a deep sigh from the Director's side of the desk, but he pulled two sheets of paper out of a drawer and started to fill them out.

“How long?” Morrow asked.

“I am in need of two weeks, but I am afraid Anthony will need sometime longer than that.” Both men turned their attention to Tony when the young man gasped in shock at Ducky's bluntness, thinking that he wanted to say something, but the young man stayed silent. Tony watched wide-eyed as Morrow nodded once before he turned back to the papers at hand, and wrote something down on them without asking any more questions.


	6. Chapter 6

“They called me a monster,” Tony whispered suddenly, when he and Ducky were sitting on the porch at Ducky's house, watching Ducky's mum and her dogs in the garden.

“Who called you that, my boy?” Ducky sat his cup down and turned his full attention to the young man who sat in a rocking chair beside him, and was slowly swinging back and forth.

“My parents,” Tony replied, and his face became distant with the remembered pain. “My father couldn't stand to be around me and my mother killed herself because she couldn't get rid of me otherwise.”

“Anthony,” Ducky's loud gasp of surprise made Tony stop for a moment. “Who ever told you this-”

“Well,” Tony interrupted. “Nobody told me that, Ducky, but it's not hard to think that as an explanation, when you knew that your parents couldn't stand the sight of you.”

“Tell me about it,” Ducky demanded, and saw how Tony shook his head.”My dear Anthony, I don't think bottling it all up inside you is the right way to handle all of this.”

“I...I...I never told anyone about it, Ducky. I'm not sure I can.”

”Well, you have all the time you need, my boy,” Ducky answered back, and waved at his mother, who waved happily back.

“Mainly, my mother would call me all kind of names like ‘freak’ and ‘monster’; sometimes she would call me ‘Evil’ and ‘Satan’ and scream at me that I only existed to torture her, that I was the reason that she couldn't get pregnant again... Usually after she called me all ‘Evil,’ she would disappear for a few weeks, and when she came back she acted all spaced out for a while, before everything would start again.”

“I guess she was mentally ill,” Ducky said, when Tony took a break to drink a little of his tea. The older man had to chuckle a little when he saw Tony's surprised face when he tasted sweet herbal tea, instead of the strong black tea Ducky and his mother preferred.

Tony nodded and went on.

“A few days before my mother killed herself, my father called me into his study. He let me stand in front of his desk for almost an hour, before he laid his pen aside and glared at me for a moment.” Tony wrapped his arms around himself and his eyes became distant with the memories. “Suddenly he jumped up from his chair, and walked over to one of his file cabinets and came back with a thick looking folder. He sat down behind his desk again and glared a little longer at me...”

Flashback:

“You know? When your mother gave birth to you it was a wonder for me,” the older DiNozzo opened one of his drawers and pulled out a bottle and a glass. “You were everything I ever wanted from your mother.”

DiNozzo poured himself a drink.

“But then they discovered a few more organs in your body than were normal for a boy, and who would have thought that something like this could be possible anyway? A boy who could get pregnant? Who had a uterus and everything else only women should have?”

Little Anthony flinched when his father slammed his glass on the desktop.

“I asked them to remove it... all of it... whatever the price for it might be; but they declined. You would be too young and too small; that you wouldn't survive such a big operation, but hell, I was ready to take the chance with it, when it would mean that I wouldn't end up as one big joke for my partners and friends,” the man gulped his drink down. “No one wanted to operate on you, no matter the price I'd offered to pay.”

Young Anthony watched how his father filled his glass again.

“I had a talk with another doctor this morning. You'll be operated on at the end of the week; someone will come and take you to the hospital on Thursday morning, so that the doctor can do all the tests necessary on you.”

His father dismissed him with a wave of his glass and Anthony couldn’t leave fast enough, before everything his father had told him sunk in.

Thursday morning had come all too quickly for the six-year-old, and he awoke from a sleep filled with nightmares to a strange face looking down on him. He started to scream in surprise and fear, before something sharp pricked his arm and Tony fell into nothingness.

He awoke lying on a bed in a strange room, and tried to roll out of it, only to find himself tied down.

He shouted for help, screamed as loud as he could until his throat started to burn and he couldn't get any sound out of it anymore; only then gave he up fighting and fell against his pillows and cried helplessly.

Doctors and nurses came into his room talking to each other. They poked and prodded him, turning him this way and that way, and examining his body inside and outside, until the boy felt sore and violated.

But suddenly everything stopped, and the operation his father had talked about never came. Instead, he saw how the doctor hotly debated with DiNozzo Senior, before he turned on his heels and disappeared.

Tony's father had glared at him, before he too had turned away and left.

Anthony was driven home and was told not to leave his room, until someone came and called him ....

End of Flashback.

“...I'd never been so happy in my life, that I could hide under my bed again.” Tony said, and sat silent for a moment, before he added, ”The following night, I sneaked into my father's office and pulled the file out of his cabinet the one my father put on his desk the other day,. I'd always been curious about everything, and even then my curiosity got the better of me. So I sat on the floor of my father's office and read the file my father had made about me... Okay, I didn't understand half of what was written in it, but there it was suspected that my mother's psychosis and the meds she took for it were responsible for what happened to my twin and me. There were even a few pictures of other children affected by it, with legs sticking out of their bellies or another head, or...or...” Tony cleared his throat. “I panicked and thought pregnant would mean that I would get a leg or another head, too.”

*Dear Lord,* Ducky thought and had to fight to hold his emotions under control.

“I can be thankful that my first menstruation hit when I lived with Salvatore. I totally freaked when I started to bleed out of my...” Tony stopped and blushed furiously, and Ducky realized for the first time that all female organs for reproduction included the typical time of the month-phase, too.


	7. Chapter 7

Gibbs woke under the framework of his boat when his alarm clock went off the next morning, and hit his head on one of the lower planks.

Glaring at his boat and rolling out from under it, he grabbed his cell to check if Tony had answered one of his many calls from last night, only to throw it on his workbench when the display showed nothing.

Gibbs stood absolutely still for a moment, thinking, before Abby’s smiling face appeared in his mind.

* She sure looked like she knew something, * he thought, and made his way upstairs to get ready for a much needed talk with his favorite Goth-girl.

///*

The doorbell woke Abby from a very pleasant dream featuring a certain Special Agent, and she made her way, growling, out of her coffin.

She was still working on slipping into her very-black dressing gown when she opened the door to find one irritated-looking man.

“ Gibbs!” She squealed surprised, and could just barely jump out of the way when Gibbs made his way into her apartment. “What are you doing here this early on a Saturday?”

“I need to know what you know,” Gibbs growled, and Abby could see that her Boss-man was not a happy camper today.

No, not happy at all.

“About what?” She asked, even though she already knew what he was talking about.

“DiNozzo,” one word, but with so many meanings...

“I'm sorry, Boss-man. You know I tell you almost everything, but only almost and that's not my secret to tell and... and... and... he would kill me,” Abby worked herself into one of her frenzies. “For sure, you know? He would chop me into tiny pieces and feed me to his goldfish, or his cat or dog-”

“Abby.”

“-he would probably bury me somewhere-”

“Abby.”

“- and nobody would ever find me,” her voice got higher with every word she said. “I'm too young to die, Gibbs.”

“Abs,” Gibbs growled loudly, and was pleased when Abby finally snapped her mouth shut and looked at him with wide eyes.

“I only want to know if you knew why DiNozzo applied for sick-days with Ducky.”

Abby sighed in relief; that she could answer this without giving too much away, ”no, I don't know.”

“Hell,” Gibbs cursed. He turned around to leave Abby's apartment, ignoring her “Gibbs, Gibbs wait,” and jumped into his car to drive over to Ducky's house.

///*

Tony's night had been hell.

Nightmares had made sleeping almost impossible and his stomach started to roll early in the morning. He could barely make it to the bathroom before the vomiting started.

Now he sat on the bathroom floor in front of the toilette and wished, not for the first time, that everything would simply go away again and let him be the person he had been before the night he shared with Gibbs.

He didn't know if he should keep the child, and live with the permanent reminder of someone he loved with all his heart but could never have, or if he should go to a doctor, demand an abortion and live through the guilt of knowing that he killed that child before it even had a chance.

Sighing, he tried to stand up, only to fall back down again when he got dizzy. He hissed in pain when his tailbone made contact with the hard tile.

“Anthony?” Ducky's voice came through the closed door.

“Yeah, I'm here, Ducky,” Tony answered, and had to swallow against his sore throat.

“Would you mind if I come in?” Ducky asked.

Tony kept the groan out of his voice though another stomach cramp hit him just when he answered, “No, Ducky, come in.”

The older man stepped into the room with a cup in one hand, and a small packet in his other.

“Mother told me once that she always drank ginger-tea when the morning sickness hit her,” he held the cup out to Tony. “So you can choose if you want to try the tea or would rather swallow some pills.”

Tony had not to think much about it, “Pills.”

“Alright,” Ducky pressed a pill into the waiting hand.

“Maxolon ¹ ? Never heard of this,” Tony frowned, and stopped his hand only a few millimeters in front of his mouth.

“It's for morning sickness during pregnancy, my boy.” Ducky looked around shortly, before he sat down on the rim of the bath tub.“ Over here they use Zofran, but it's not been long enough on the market that I could recommend it in clear conscience. Maxolon is a drug used mostly in England, and some good experiences are made with it, especially when you only use it as last resort,” Ducky answered, and held the cup out to Tony. “You can use the tea to wash it down.”

Tony pulled a face, but did as he was told.

“As from tomorrow you will eat something before you're trying to stand up, my boy,” Ducky gave his best I'm-the-doctor-in-charge-glare. “You can't afford to lose any more weight than you already have.”

“Yes sir,” Tony groaned. He had to will himself not to let the tea come back up again.

///*

Gibbs reached Ducky's house and was instantly greeted by a horde of barking Corgis, which would have been a funny sight, especially since the dogs aren't that tall in the legs and only reached the lower half of Gibbs' shin, but Gibbs was a man on a mission and he ignored the barking and went straight up the stairs to the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” A female voice stopped him just before he could turn the handle.

*Damn, Mrs. Mallard,* Gibbs closed his eyes for a moment, before he turned around and smiled the friendliest smile he was able to.

“Mrs. Mallard,” he greeted the woman. She stood on the first step with an umbrella in her hand, which she held in front of her like a sword.

“Do I know you, young man?” The old woman looked confused for a moment and Gibbs watched the umbrella sink slowly to the ground.

“Yes, ma'am. I'm Jethro,” Gibbs said with more patience then he felt. “I'm a friend of your son Donald.”

“Donald cannot come out to play with you,” Mrs. Mallard said, apparently slipping from the present into the past. “My son has a sick friend in the house.”

*Tony,* Gibbs’ mind screamed, but outwardly Gibbs acted cool and controlled like always.

“Maybe I can go up and visit them for a moment?” Gibbs asked, and watched how Mrs. Mallard nodded before she turned around.

“They are upstairs, boy,” she said, taking the stairs down, and was greeted instantly by her dogs. “Maybe you can ask Donald when his father is supposed to come home, I think I forgot.”

Gibbs shuddered at that; Alzheimer's is one creepy disease even for a Marine who'd seen a lot in his life. Before he could answer she was gone, but the barking behind the house indicated where she was now-

“I hope she didn't scare you,” a woman said from behind, and Gibbs whirled around to stand directly in front of a strongly-built nurse who was smiling a soft smile at him.

“Only surprised me,” Gibbs answered. “She's one feisty lady.”

The nurse smiled and nodded in agreement, before she held the door open for him. “Come on in, Doctor Mallard is in the living room.”

“Thanks,” Gibbs said as he went past the woman.

Ducky was indeed in the living room, sitting at a table which had been set with all kinds of food.

“Good morning, Duck,” Gibbs said from the door he stood in, and watched how Ducky flinched a little in surprise.

“Jethro, how nice of you to visit me on this fine Saturday,” Ducky turned around at Gibbs and smiled, but Gibbs saw that the smile was fake and his eyes had some shadows in them.

Gibbs let his eyes wander over the table and took in the three sets of unused dishes and cups. He knew for a fact that the nurse didn't eat at the house, which only left-

“Hey, Ducky?” Tony's voice came from the other side of living room, where a door lead further into the house. “Do you know where I left my overnight bag?”

Ducky couldn't answer; his eyes were fixed on Gibbs, who stood there, his hands flexing, before he suddenly exploded into motion and headed in the direction Tony's voice came from.

But Ducky's question made him stop dead in his tracks.“ Do you think he would want to see you?”

*Ducky knows!* Gibbs realized, and suddenly he couldn't care less.

“I need to speak with him, Duck.” Gibbs turned to his old friend and saw how Ducky shook his head. “Please, Ducky?”

Ducky sighed.

He was about to say something, but it was pulled out of his hands when Tony stepped into the living room, his eyes fixed on Gibbs.

“DiNozzo,” Gibbs said, his mind suddenly blank.

“Is there anything you need, Boss?” Tony asked in that same monotone voice he had used on him before. “Do we have a new case?”

Ducky's voice came from behind him. “Even if Jethro had a new case, Anthony, did you forget that you are on sick leave? Now come over here and sit down.”

Tony sighed, but complied.

Gibbs glared at the older man, but knew it wouldn't have much effect on him. Ducky knew him too well to be easily impressed.

The shrill ring of a telephone cut through the awkward silence.

“Oh my, sounds like a busy morning,” Ducky said, before he stood and walked out into the small hall.

Gibbs saw his chance, and chose to sit down on the chair to the opposite of Tony.“I need to talk to you about our night together.”

“’Our night together’?” Tony asked sarcastically, and glared at the older man. “There is nothing much to talk about, is there? We fucked, that's all... nothing that I haven’t done before with someone else.”

“DiNozzo, I-”

“What?” Tony tried to lash out on the man in front of him, to make him hurt just like he hurt. “Everyone thinks that I jump every woman that happens to cross my path; you can't fault me for wanting to see what sex with a man would be like. And let's face it, if you hadn’t started it, I would have left and we never would be in this situation.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hell, Boss, I really have to spell it out to you, huh?” Tony asked, and his face twisted into a nasty smile. “Congratulations. You managed to fuck Anthony DiNozzo,” Tony even went so far as to extend his hand to Gibbs, and managed not to jump too much when Gibbs jumped up from his chair, his blue eyes flashing with anger.

“Yeah? Lucky me, right?” Gibbs growled. “Didn't know you were such a slut, DiNozzo. Maybe I should ask around and see how many men you let fuck you between that night and now, huh? How many has it been? Ten? Twenty? Or more? Or do you only do it with regulars?”

Tony paled a little, and watched as Gibbs turned away and hurried out, before he whispered, “Only one.”

“Jethro?” Ducky stopped Gibbs just as he was opening the door to his car. “I hope that you cleared the air with Anthony?”

“Cleared the air,” Gibbs snorted. “Oh yeah, we cleared the air all right. How long do you think will he be on sick leave?”

Ducky felt that something terrible was going on, which had nothing to do with two lovers who had spilled their souls to each other.

“A few months at least,” Ducky answered.

“Months?” Gibbs asked, perplexed. “Hell, Duck. What kind of STD did he catch?”

“STD?” Ducky's confused eyes met his, and Gibbs suddenly felt a deep sense of guilt. “Please don't tell me that you talked to him like this?”

“He-”

“Argh!” Ducky turned around sharply and walked into his house, all the while cursing under his breath.

Gibbs followed, a little behind him.

Not sure why... he only had this feeling in his gut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maxolon is a real Medicament...


	8. Chapter 8

“So you know a secret about someone, but you don't want to tell me who it is, and Gibbs knows that you know, and wants you to tell him but you refused, and now he's pissed at you?” Kate concluded, and watched Abby nod her head.

The Goth had made her way to Kate, the only person she could think of who could help her now.

They were both sitting on Kate's couch and sharing some chocolate from Kate's emergency stash.

“Didn't know it would be possible that you, of all people, could actually piss Gibbs off,” Kate remarked, and shook her head.

“Yeah, well, when he wants something he can get all grizzly,” Abby replied, and Kate sighed.

“Don't I know it?”

///*

Ducky heard the sound of a hitching breath coming from Tony's room, and had to stop for a moment to get himself under control again, before he opened the door.

Of course, he knew that Gibbs had followed him inside and now stood just out of reach, but the older man simply shrugged.

He couldn't understand what had happened between them.

Could it be that Gibbs really didn't love Tony?

“Anthony?” Ducky asked, and waited for a word from the younger man, but when nothing came he grabbed the handle and opened the door.

He had to search for Tony, who had pressed himself between the bed and the wall. He lay on his side on the floor, in the fetal position.

He was biting his lip, and three thin rivulets of blood were slowly running down his chin and dropping to the carpet.

“Oh Anthony,” Ducky said and closed the door behind himself, so that Gibbs couldn't see what was happening in the room.

The silence was unnerving Ducky, especially since he knew what silent but deeply hurting people could do to themselves.

“Anthony, my boy,” Ducky said and tried to crawl over the bed to the younger man. “Please talk to me.”

Just when Ducky decided to go and get his bag for some sedative, Tony whispered, his voice cracking and hoarse. “Talk?” He asked. “About what? I'm pregnant with Gibbs’ child and he can't stand me... just like my parents couldn't stand me,” Tony finished in a whisper.

“What happened when I left the room, Anthony?” Ducky asked.

“I tried to hurt him with words,” Tony admitted, and Ducky shook his head.

“You tried to hurt him, and instead he hurt you again. What did he say?”

“Called me a hustler,” Tony wiped at his eyes; his eyes were fixed on some point under the bed. “My words, not his.”

“Anthony,” Ducky said, sighing. “All this agitation about this. It would have been so much better to simply have told him.”

“Tell him? What right does he have to know about this? He pushed me away. He treated me like some sort of... of...-”

“Anthony, you need to calm down. It is not healthy for you and the baby to get so worked up,” the older ME said. He saw something glint in

Tony's eyes that sent a spark of unease through his body.

“I don't want it, Ducky,” his voice sounded suddenly firm, calm and controlled.

“What are you talking about, my boy?” Ducky asked.

“I’ll drive to Peoria; I know a Doctor there. He had treated me a few times when I worked at the P.D. there. He can do abortions too.”

“Anthony please, just think about it. I'm sure-”

“Wouldn’t you like to have a child from the man you love, rather than from someone who you know hates your guts like nothing else?”

Ducky sighed, but nodded for Tony's sake.

“Alright my boy, if that is what you want I will accompany you,” Ducky said firmly, and Tony raised surprised eyes.

“You would?”

“Oh, yes, my boy,” Ducky said, and was suddenly hit by an idea. “But we need to travel by train as I am too old to drive a car such a longdistance, and you are in no state to drive one either.”

“But... but... but...” Tony sputtered, appalled.

“No buts, my boy, either my way or no way at all,” Ducky said in a strong voice, even though he felt like crying. “And we need to wait until Madison can take Mother to the nursing home.”

“Why can't we just take a plane?” Tony asked, and pushed himself up until he could sit on the bed.

“It could harm you,” Ducky explained, and placed a comforting hand on the younger man's shoulder. “You could start to hemorrhage and if so, nobody could help you, up in the air. You would bleed to death in a matter of mere minutes.”

Tony looked shocked at that before he nodded, “alright Duckman, the train it is.”

After all, what difference would a few hours make?

Ducky smiled at the familiar nickname and patted Tony's shoulder fondly, before he made his way laboriously back across the bed and over to the door.

///*

Gibbs stood silently at the top of the stairs and watched how Ducky had disappeared into a room, but he didn't dare move nearer, and instead stood there and waited.

His mind was working overtime... everything had gone wrong, and he couldn't stop it.

He had wished to speak to Tony, to make him understand that he still loved him, had never stopped loving him and that if it hadn’t been for the assignment he would never have kicked him away like this.

*But you could have told him that you love him,* a little voice in his head stated, and he agreed, but everyone who knew him knew also about his inability to talk things out.

Hell, give him a criminal to get a confession from, and he was able to break him in less than two hours, but he couldn't talk about his feelings, not even after three divorces, even when he knew that this had been a part of the problem with all of his wives.

*Coward,* the voice taunted and Gibbs growled in anger.

“Jethro?” Ducky's voice cut through his self-reproach like a knife through butter.

Gibbs pierced the older man with his eyes, but refused to say anything.

“I need for you to get ready to travel on short notice,” Ducky explained and started to steer the man down the stairs. “I will call you soon, and I want for you to be ready by then, alright?”

Gibbs looked a little confused; before he could get his bearings again, he asked,”why?”

Ducky refused to answer and pushed him forward.

Ducky opened the door and ushered Gibbs out with a,” be ready, Jethro, you will only have this one chance to make it right again.”

///*

Gibbs simply stood there for a moment and stared at the now-closed door, before he turned to his car and drove off.

What the hell was Ducky planning?

He drove his usual speed home, and made a short stop in his kitchen to start his coffeemaker, before he went upstairs and packed a bag.

When Duck wanted him to be ready...

After packing he sat down on his couch, and was suddenly assaulted by a multitude of pictures and feelings from his night with Tony; he gasped at the pressure of it.

At least now he could let his feelings out. He closed his eyes and felt the familiar burning of tears behind his eyelids...

...Suddenly his telephone started to ring, and Gibbs had to blink his eyes a few times to clear them, before he could answer the phone.

“Gibbs.”

“Jethro?” Tom Morrow.

“We're not on call this weekend, Director,” Gibbs said warily, and heard some rustling over the line.

“I know, Gibbs, but I could really use your help,” Morrow answered.

'...you will only have this one chance to make it right again,' Ducky's voice echoed in his mind.

“With all due respect, sir, not this time.”

“Can I ask why, Gibbs?” The director asked, and he could hear how Gibbs moved a little on the other side of the line.

“Are you asking as Director or friend?” Gibbs answered, and Morrow pulled his tie away from his neck and opened the first button of his shirt.

“As a friend, Jethro,” Tom Morrow answered. “Definitely as a friend.”

Gibbs sighed,”do you remember the conversation we had, before I went with my team to Milwaukee?”

“You mean our talk about you and DiNozzo?”

Silence.

“Jethro?” Morrow sat up a little straighter.

“Yes,” Gibbs answered.

“Yes? To what? That you're there or do you mean that talk?”

“Both.”

“Damn it, Jethro, a few more words would be great, you know, just so I know what you're talking about.”

A snort.

“I love him, Tom.”

“Okay, we can work it out. Put him on, please, surely he can-”

“He's not here.”

“Well, where is he?”

“With Ducky... I fucked up, Tom.”

“How?”

“He lashed out at me, because of how I treated him after that night.... and I… I lived up to my name and gave back as good as I could... Ibasically called him a whore-”

Tom Morrow gasped loudly.

“You know, Jethro, I know you for what? Seven years? I was with you through three divorces, right?”

“Yeah.”

“We went through more shit together than anyone else can imagine, right?”

“Yes.”

“And I knew that you were bisexual since you joined the agency, since Mike brought you in-”

“Tom.”

“So if I told you to pull your thick head out of your ass and go get your man, you would do it, right?”

“I-” Gibbs swallowed. “I don't think I can.”

“I believe in you. Call me if you need anything,” Morrow said.

///*

Ducky left Tony at Union Station. Their train would leave in a few minutes and he really needed to make that call to Gibbs.

Thank God that he had convinced Tony to use the hotel that he had used the last time he was in Peoria... well, okay, convinced was the wrong word... He simply had done what he always did when he wanted something.... he started to tell a story.

///*

“-we’re staying at the same hotel I used last month.”

Gibbs knew which one; he had driven the older ME home after his seminar and so he threw his bag onto his backseat and jumped behind the wheel.

///*

The world flew by past the windows of the train, but neither Ducky nor Tony had an eye on it.

Instead, Ducky tried to find a way to bring Tony and Gibbs together to talk things out. Tony thought about his baby, and about Gibbs…

Tony’s thoughts were storming through his head, and they were starting to make him dizzy.

Did he really want to abort it?

Did he want to keep it?

Either way, it would be impossible for him to stay at NCIS.

Should he call Gibbs and tell him about it?

Or should he keep it a secret?

They reached Peoria a few hours later, and both had agreed to head straight over to the hotel.

They'd got rooms beside each other, so that Ducky could be sure that he was available to help if Tony needed it.

The old ME had plotted the perfect plan; they would rest a little while and then eat dinner in the restaurant of the hotel... and he would wait for Gibbs.

Everything worked like a charm, well, except that Gibbs didn't came.

Put off by that, Ducky demanded that Tony should go to sleep and helped to took him in, before he placed a white pill and a bottle on his nightstand, and wished him a good night.

Ducky made his way wearily to his own room, and jumped when he used the light switch.

In the only chair of the room, a coffee cup on the table in front of him, Gibbs sat and glared at his friend.

“What kind of game are you two playing, Duck?” Gibbs growled.

“Wait a moment, Jethro,” Ducky placed his coat and hat on the bed and walked over to his suitcase. He pulled out a manila folder, a bottle of bourbon and two glasses.

“You planned this?” Gibbs asked, a little surprised.

“Well yes, partially,” Ducky smiled and put everything on the table. “Do me a favor and have a look at this,” Ducky said, and patted the file.

“Trust me, my friend. We can talk about everything when you're finished with it.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed the song...dunno why I'm still sticking with a song at this point, but hell...

The file contained some pictures of small and not-so-small children, all with different kinds of deformations to their bodies...wait, Gibbs frowned...

“What is all this, Donald?” Gibbs asked, feeling suddenly angry and not a little confused.

Ducky sighed before he filled the two glasses with bourbon and sat down on the foot of the bed, then he started to tell Gibbs...

...”-so you’re telling me that DiNozzo is one of those kids?”

Ducky nodded.

Gibbs frowned deeply.“But he doesn't have any additional limbs.”

“Well, no, but…” Ducky took a deep breath. “As Anthony told me, his mother was mentally ill and took some medication when she was pregnant with him and his twin. I don't know exactly what happened, but I imagine that the medication was responsible for what happened to Anthony and his twin.”

“What exactly happened to Tony?” Gibbs’ voice had become a whisper; somehow his throat was closing up and he felt a weight growing in his chest.

“The twin died and Anthony's body somehow aspirated the twin’s body. Nobody knows really how that is even possible; some say that it's only a matter of how old the fetuses are when it happens. Well, the result is that Anthony may not have some additional limbs, but he has some extra organs.” Ducky finished and watched Gibbs watch him for a moment longer, confusion clear on Gibbs’ face.

“What organs, Duck?” Gibbs asked.

“Well, I-” Ducky stammered. He'd already betrayed Tony's trust, but could he tell Gibbs everything?

“Ducky?” Gibbs asked again.

Ducky sighed; it didn't matter anymore, maybe Tony would be able to understand and could forgive him someday, so he answered.“Every organ a woman would need for reproduction.”

Gibbs looked stunned, and Ducky almost feared that it was too much for the marine, before Gibbs jumped up from his chair.“Hell, is this some kind of joke?! Did DiNozzo put you up to this?”

“Jethro please,” Duckylifted both hands in a calming gesture. “I know it's much to take in, but-”

“It's fucking Shit , Ducky!”

Ducky paled; it was not very often that Gibbs used such language, and that he was using it now was a good indication of how upset the man was.

“Jethro,” Ducky watched the man pace the room.

“Tell me what it means, Duck,” Gibbs demanded, after he finally stopped in front of the older ME.

“It means that Anthony is not only able to have children, but actually is carrying your child-”

“No,” Gibbs shook his head. “That's not possible.”

For the first time in all the years Ducky had known Gibbs, he actually saw the man trembling.

“I have confirmation of it right here,” the older man pointed at the file still in Gibbs' hands. “ I had a meeting yesterday morning, and when I came into work I found Anthony. He was vomiting into a trashcan and looked utterly miserable, so I decided to have a look and draw some blood for Abigail to do some standard testing. The standard test includes a pregnancy test ... and it came back positive.”

“I'll be damned,” was all Gibbs could say.

Ducky went over to the mini-bar and got two of the smaller bottles of bourbon.

///*

Tony lay on his bed, a small radio on his nightstand playing, and he stroked his hand absently over his lower abdomen in a light caress.

Finally he had made up his mind...

Finally he knew what he had to do...

The radio pulled his attention away from the spot on the ceiling he had been staring at for the last few minutes and he listened for a moment, before he started to hum the melody.

 

_There were nights when the wind was so cold_

_That my body froze in bed_

_If I just listened to it_

_Right outside the window_

_There were days when the sun was so cruel_

_That all the tears turned to dust_

_And I just knew my eyes were_

_Drying up forever_

_(forever)_

_I finished crying in the instant that you left_

_And I can't remember where or when or how_

_And I banished every memory you and I had ever made_

_But when you touch me like this_

_And you hold me like that_

_I just have to admit_

_That it's all coming back to me_

_When I touch you like this_

_And I hold you like that_

_It's so hard to believe but_

_It's all coming back to me_

_(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)_

_There were moments of gold_

_And there were flashes of light_

_There were things I'd never do again_

_But then they'd always seemed right_

_There were nights of endless pleasure_

_It was more than any laws allow_

_Baby baby_

_If I kiss you like this_

_And if you whisper like that_

_It was lost long ago_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_If you want me like this_

_And if you need me like that_

_It was dead long ago_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_It's so hard to resist_

_And it's all coming back to me_

_I can barely recall_

_But it's all coming back to me now_

_But it's all coming back_

_There were those empty threats and hollow lies_

_And whenever you tried to hurt me_

_I just hurt you even worse_

_And so much deeper_

_There were hours that just went on for days_

_When alone at last we'd count up_

_all the chances_

_That were lost to us forever_

_(forever)_

_But you were history with the slamming of the door_

_And I made myself so strong again somehow_

_And I never wasted any of my time on you since then_

_But if I touch you like this_

_And if you kiss me like that_

_It was so long ago_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_If you touch me like this_

_And if I kiss you like that_

_It was gone with the wind_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)_

_There were moments of gold_

_And there were flashes of light_

_There were things we'd never do again_

_But then they'd always seemed right_

_There were nights of endless pleasure_

_It was more than all your laws allow_

_Baby, Baby, Baby_

_When you touch me like this_

_And when you hold me like that_

_It was gone with the wind_

_But it's all coming back to me_

_When you see me like this_

_And when I see you like that_

_Then we see what we want to see_

_All coming back to me_

_The flesh and the fantasies_

_All coming back to me_

_I can barely recall_

_But it's all coming back to me now_

_If you forgive me all this_

_If I forgive you all that_

_We forgive and forget_

_And it's all coming back to me_

_When you see me like this_

_And when I see you like that_

_We see just want we want to see_

_All coming back to me_

_The flesh and the fantasies_

_All coming back to me_

_I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now_

_(It's all coming back to me now)_

_And when you kiss me like this_

_(It's all coming back to me now)_

_And when I touch you like that_

_(It's all coming back to me now)_

_If you do it like this_

_(It's all coming back to me now)_

_And if we..._

_~Celine Dion~_

 

Tears fell unnoticed from Tony’s eyes, and he stopped his stroking to curl into a little ball of misery.

He fell asleep praying that he would be strong enough to get through all of this...

///*

“Why are you in Peoria?” Gibbs asked; he didn't want to know, he was sure, but he had to ask nonetheless.

“Anthony,” Ducky stopped shortly to take a sip from his bourbon, and Gibbs realized that the older man was unable to look him in the eye.

“What?” Gibbs asked sharply, and almost regretted it when he saw Ducky flinch.

“Anthony knows a doctor here, who treated him before when he was a cop here, and that doctor would be able to perform an abortion.”

Gibbs paled.

Images of another child flashed through his mind; his little girl, smiling and squealing “Daddy!” in joy, but he stamped the memories down again.

Now was not the time to remember.

“Would it harm him if he would carry it to term? I mean, would it even be possible for him to-”

“I'm not an expert in this,” Ducky shook his head, “but you should speak to young Anthony, before he does something you both would regret.”

“It's a miracle, right?” Jethro asked suddenly, after he had kept silent for a few minutes.

“Yes, yes, Jethro, I believe it is,” Ducky answered.

*Maybe everything will work itself out now that he knows,* the older ME thought, and watched as Gibbs sat unmoving on the chair again,staring at some point outside.

” Where is he now?” Gibbs asked after a while.

“In the next room,” Ducky replied, and pointed with his hand to the far wall. He jumped up from the bed when he saw Gibbs rush to the connecting door. “You want to speak with him now?”

“Yes,” Gibbs only stopped for a second at the door, slipping out of his coat because he had just realized he was still wearing it.

“It's late, Jethro,” Ducky tried to reason with him. “He will be asleep.”

“Good,” Gibbs grinned. “I'll surprise him then.”

“Jethro,” Ducky hissed, but it was too late; the older Agent was knocking loudly against the door of DiNozzo's room.

///*

Tony startled awake.

Someone was knocking on the connecting door.

*Ducky,* his tired mind suggested, before Tony rolled from the bed. He had to hold himself up for a moment, because his legs felt wobbly like cooked noodles, but he made his way over to the door and opened it before he let himself slip onto the nearest chair and closed his sleepy eyes.

“DiNozzo?” Blue eyes were staring directly into his face when Tony opened his eyes, and he jumped in surprise.

“What are you doing here?” Tony asked, and tried to put as much strength into his voice as he could.

The blue eyes searched his face for a few long moments, before Gibbs stated, " I know .”

Two words, two simple words, and Tony's resistance shattered into a million little pieces.

Tears were gathering in his eyes, even though he refused to let them spill; Gibbs' face was the usual mask of controlled calmness, even though he was kneeling at Tony's feet.

“Oh,” was the only thing Tony could say, just before he heard someone else entering the room. “Why are you here, Gibbs? Wanted to have a look at the freak? Well, have a good look then, of course,” Tony's hand covered the point on his belly he caressed earlier. “Nothing much to see just yet, but either way have a good look, before the chance is over.”

“You really want to abort it?” Gibbs asked, his cool mask slipping just a bit.

“What do you care?” Tony jumped up, and swayed a moment before he caught himself. “You pushed me away.”

Gibbs nodded, “I'm the bastard here, not this baby.”

“It will be when it's born; either that, or a monster's child.”

The head-slap came unexpectedly for the young man, and for the blink of an eye Tony stood like a statue. Then he crumbled into himself and Gibbs caught him in his arms, absorbed the momentum of his fall, and placed him slowly on the floor.

Gibbs felt something hot and wet dripping onto his hands, and he was startled when he realized that it was Tony crying. He put his mouth close to Tony's ear and whispered.“Don't ever talk about yourself like this, Tony, do you hear me?”

When Gibbs received no answer he gave Tony's shoulders one sharp shake. “You are not a monster, you hear me?”

“Why did you leave? Why did you treat me like that? Why-” Tony asked in a hitching voice.

“Ssh,” Tony could feel Gibbs' breath on his face, and they both started to sway.

“Here, my boy, drink this.” Ducky held out a bottle with water to Tony, who hastily tried to wipe the tears away. “Don't worry about it, Anthony.

We can blame the hormones and the stress your body and mind is under at the moment. It's only natural that you are a little emotional right now.”

Gibbs watched Tony drink some of the water; he knew his own breakdown would come soon, but he would keep it together until he was back in his basement, with his boat, and, hopefully, a full bottle of his favorite bourbon.

“Come on, Anthony, the floor cannot be very comfortable.” Ducky held a hand out to Tony, who nodded and tried to stand up, only to lose his balance and to fall back into Gibbs' arms.

Tony laughed harshly.“God how pathetic can I be, can't even stand up on my own.”

He choked in surprise when Gibbs moved him a little forward, before he took one of Tony's arms and helped him to stand up. “Shut up, DiNozzo.” Gibbs growled without any heat, and walked Tony

over to the bed.

Ducky smiled to himself, and watched Gibbs wrap Tony in a blanket and press him down on the bed. Gibbs lay down beside Tony, and Ducky saw Tony’s shocked eyes widen, after tracking Gibbs' movements, before they became glassy with emotions again.

“Well,” Ducky clapped his hands softly together. “There is a pill for the morning sickness on his nightstand. Anthony has to take it, before he stands up tomorrow. And there is a bottle of orange juice in the same place-”

“Got it,” Gibbs interrupted.

“C'n t'ke it m'self,” Tony mumbled, now half asleep.

“Shut up, DiNozzo,” Gibbs whispered in Tony's ear again, and both older men were able to hear the deep sigh from Tony, before the young man slipped into sleep.

“He will need lots of rest and food, and try not to-” Ducky's advice was cut short by Gibbs voice.

“Goodnight, Ducky.”

///*

Abby spent the day with Kate, who did her best to get Abby off the guilt trip she was having for not telling Gibbs. Inwardly, Kate had been annoyed that Abby wanted to keep it for herself and had not even told her, but nothing she'd tried made any difference to Abby.

That evening someone knocked on Kate's door, and Abby realized with a mix of shock and excitement that the visitor was Kate's boyfriend.

Abby escaped as fast as she could, but not before she actually managed to hug the stuffing out of Kate.

Before she really realized what she had done, Abby appeared in front of McGee's apartment door, and knocked on it.

McGee answered the door and his eyes widened when he saw Abby standing there in her typical gothic garments, smiling a little sadly and playing with one of her pigtails.

“I don't want to be alone tonight, Timmy,” Abby said, and McGee almost moaned at the spike of arousal that caused.

“Did something happen?” McGee asked, and Abby first shook her head, and then nodded. ”What happened, Abby?”

“Don't ask,” Abby said, and McGee found his arms suddenly filled with the Goth, and she latched her mouth over his.

McGee opened his mouth to give her access, and his mouth was suddenly filled with the flavor of chocolate, and Abby, and he started to moan deep in his throat.

He pulled Abby against his body and stepped backwards into his apartment, not once breaking the sweet kiss.

Abby made a needy sound and jumped so that she could wrap her long legs around his waist; it brought their sexes together and both of them gasped at the pleasure it caused.

Dimly, she could hear the door slam shut, before her back was pressed against it and Abby could feel McGee's hands under her skirt.

She broke the kiss long enough to be able to see what she was doing, then she reached down and opened McGee's trousers.

She smiled when he hissed, as her cold hand came into contact with his cock. She let her hand quest over it, before she pulled his cock out and started to stroke it.

Her strokes got faster and faster until McGee let his hips thrust with the movement of her hand, and he panted and groaned loudly.

A nip at his bottom lip had McGee gasping, and he could feel Abby's hand stop. He groaned in protest, but he still felt Abby wriggling in his arms and couldn't hold back any longer. With a roar that would have made the Lion King proud, he pulled her away from the door and carried her over to the kitchen table, where he dumped her and reached between her legs.

One fast move and her thong disappeared.

“God, Abby,” he groaned, before he let himself fall on his knees between thighs, having his first taste of her this evening.

“Mc...McGee!” Abby shouted, and was writhing on the table in pleasure, before she opened her blouse to give him unhampered access to her breasts.

McGee swept over her slit with long, broad strokes of his tongue; he suckled her clit a few moments longer, before he plunged with his tongue into Abby , which had her almost jumping from the table.

“Oh…oh, oh. Oh yeah, Timmy, right there,” Abby moaned, and spread her legs a little more.

McGee pulled his tongue out and smiled when Abby frowned her displeasure about it, before he pierced her with two fingers. “Do you like it, Abs? Come on, tell me how you like it.”

“Oh god, Timmy,” Abby's fingers were scratching over the tabletop, and before she could say anything McGee had pulled his fingers out and replaced them with his cock. His mouth firmly latched on one of her breasts; he was suckling desperately and massaging the other breast roughly with one of his hands.

He was ramming into her with all his strength; the table was moving under them with the power of his thrusts.

Abby tried to hold on to McGee's back, and scratched with her fingernails over his body, which made him groan in pleasured pain. He bit softly down on her nipple in retaliation.

Both were groaning and moaning, but except for an “Oh god, soo good,” nothing could be heard but the thump, thump, thump from the table.

Finally Abby clenched her muscles around McGee's cock and felt him twitch inside her, which resulted in one long moan from her, and a shout from McGee.

“Do that again,” McGee demanded breathlessly, and Abby complied, which had him thrusting into her with even more strength than before.

Soon, neither of them could keep it away any longer and they exploded together with a loud shout.

Abby hissed as she felt McGee pump his seed deep into her body, before he collapsed on her with a groan.

“What brought that on?” McGee asked, after he pulled out of her and helped her to sit up.

“Nothing much,” Abby lied. “I only wanted to see you.”

McGee huffed; he knew Abby, she wouldn't talk when she was feeling like that.  
“You hungry?” He asked, determined, and opened his refrigerator.


	10. Chapter 10

A sun beam was tickling Tony's face and, in the short moment between deep sleep and waking, he smiled a soft smile at its caressing warmth.

Tony stretched, and Gibbs, awakened by the sudden movement beside him, felt his throat turn dry when he looked over at Tony.

Somewhere in the night the blanket had slipped off Tony's body and the shirt the younger man had been wearing had slipped up a little, revealing the small patch of skin between his ribs down and his pubic bone. Gibbs felt himself harden at the sight of it.

The older man waited until Tony opened his eyes, before he whispered,“good morning.”

And just like that, the smile disappeared from Tony's face and his eyes became clouded.

“You should take your pill,” Gibbs advised, his voice carefully neutral, even though he was screaming inside.

Tony ignored him for a moment, before he whispered, ”didn't think you would still be here, since Ducky left.”

“I'm here to stay,” Gibbs said, propping himself up on one of his elbows, taking a better look at the man beside him

“Why?” Tony asked; his voice sounded so monotone, but full of emotion at the same time.

“I know I did something that is hard to forgive, but-” Gibbs stopped to glare at Tony when he heard him snort. “I had to follow orders, even when it was meant I had to leave you behind,” he finished.

“You-,” Tony replied. “You growled at me to take a shower and that I would have one hour to get to work. We just had spent the night together and you acted like I pissed you off somehow.”

Gibbs nodded, “I did that, yeah, but... I had to keep my distance from you, even when it-” Gibbs swallowed and looked away for a moment. “I never wanted to act like that, but I didn't know otherwise and I thought, if I just treated you just like the bastard I really am, you wouldn't suffer too much if I didn't return from that assignment.”

“What?!” Tony jumped up from the bed, well he tried to jump, if it wasn’t for the blanket which had wound itself around his legs and threatened to make him to fall. “You really thought I wouldn't mourn for you, even after you treated me like shit?” Tony slapped Gibbs' hands away when the older man tried to help him. “Don't touch me!”

“Tony,” Gibbs’ voice was pleading, which would have stopped the younger man a few weeks before, but now Tony shook his head.

“I have loved you since the day you hired me,” Tony confessed suddenly, and fought harder to get free of that damn blanket. Tony started to look panicked when he suddenly felt the now-familiar burn of bile in his throat.

“Tony?” Gibbs asked, alarmed.

“Bathroom,” Tony , and Gibbs jumped up from the bed.He freed Tony of the offending material around his feet with one swift movement, and propelled the younger man into the bathroom, where Tony fell to his knees in front of the toilette, and threw up violently.

Gibbs stood helpless in the door for a moment, and watched, his mind drifting off to another time when he had watched something similar with his wife Shannon, bending over the toilette, when she was pregnant with their daughter, Kelly.

Gibbs' mind flashed to a broadly grinning, heavily pregnant Shannon, who was busy with painting the nursery in a bright yellow color.

He heard himself saying, “I love you, Shan.”

Heard her answering, “I love you, too, Leroy.”

Leroy

She had been the only one who had called him that. The only one from whom he accepted being called Leroy, since his mother's death.

Flashback:

Shannon stood in the doorway of their house, with their sleeping baby in her arms, waiting for him to come home from his last mission, which had kept him away from the birth of their daughter.

He ran to them, his bag slipping from nerveless fingers when he had his first good look at his wife and their baby, and engulfed them both in his arms.

His eyes never left the baby's face, while he kissed his wife on the cheek, before he took the baby from her and opened the blanket it had been wrapped in to ward off the chill of the evening, taking his first good look.

“Leroy Jethro Gibbs,” Shannon whispered with tears in her voice. “I want to introduce you to your daughter, Kelly Gibbs.”

Gibbs had cried then, too overwhelmed by the emotions he felt coursing through his body at the sight of this perfect, if so very small, little princess.

He had sat down heavily on the top of the steps to their house, and just held her.

Held her and cried.

Shannon had hugged them both from behind, glad to have her husband back, even though it would only be for a few days.

End Flashback

Gibbs came back to the present when Tony groaned,and Gibbs went over to the sink to fill one of the tooth cups with cold water.

Tony nodded his thanks when the cup appeared in front of his face. He tried to swallow the cool water, which burned on its way down, until he couldn't bear it anymore and handed the cup back to Gibbs.

“You need to eat something,” Gibbs said softly, and heard Tony sigh.

“I'm not very hungry at the moment,” Tony twisted a little and reached for a towel.Gibbs snatched it out of his hand, wetted it a little, and started to wipe Tony's face.

Tony couldn't deny that the tender touch felt wonderful and made his body tingle in all the right places.

“So-” Tony cleared his throat, and winced a little at the burn in it. “Want to tell me about this case you had?”

Gibbs turned to nod, before he threw the towel in the sink and helped Tony to stand up from where he was still kneeling on the floor.”First, we order something for breakfast and wake Ducky, then we talk about the case.”

Tony sighed loudly, but accepted the unavoidable, and he even had to smile when he heard Gibbs order his idea of breakfast, including fresh fruit and pancakes, juice and toast.

Gibbs watched anxiously as Tony returned to the bathroom for a shower, and fought against his desire to demand that the younger man leave the door open. Gibbs knew that he had to earn that right back... if he had ever owned it at all...

He clenched his jaw and went to Ducky's room instead, who, not really surprisingly, was awake and ready to start the day when he'd opened the door for Gibbs.

“My, Jethro, aren't you an early riser?” Ducky asked with a twinkle in his eyes. “Well, come on in, before you scare the good people on this floor with your appearance.”

Gibbs frowned before he looked down at himself; he had slept in his clothes and looked more crumpled that he would have liked.”I left my bag in your room.”

“Oh, of course, Jethro,” Ducky said, and made way for Gibbs to enter his room. “You can use the shower, too, if you would like.”

“Subtle, Duck,” Gibbs growled, but took a hold of his overnight bag and went into the bathroom.

///*

At breakfast neither Tony nor Gibbs were talking much; both were too tense with anticipation about the talk which they knew would be necessary soon.

Ducky sighed, before he took his leave once he had finished his coffee, stating that he was going to the nearest park for some fresh air.

Tony, who couldn't wait any longer, set his juice aside and asked Gibbs in a low voice, “can you tell me about that case now?” His eyes were clearly stating that he wanted to add more to that question, but he kept silent.

“Let's get you comfortable first; this could take a while.” Gibbs took a hold of one of Tony's arms and helped him over to the bed.

“You know? That reminds me of a movie I watched once,” Gibbs smiled softly when he heard that. He had missed this side of Tony.

The joking, laughing, stories-telling side...

///*

Two hours later Gibbs finished the story with,“you see why I did what I did? If I hadn't acted like that and they had become suspicious of you and me, they would have killed you, just like the others.”

Tony nodded,“I understand, but I don't like it and really, Jethro, you could have told me-”

“I wanted to, after the director said we had to leave... I wanted to find you to explain, but the director-”

“No, don't tell me that the director knows about us,” Tony pleaded, blushing, and hid his face behind one of the pillows.

“Well, he knows about my bisexuality,” Gibbs explained. “Even his wife knows about my sexual preferences, just like my first partner at NCIS.”

Tony peeked out from behind the pillow.

“And before you'll ask, no, I only slept with someone I had to work with once - a really long time ago, except for that night with you, of course, and I really hope that you can forgive and maybe-” Gibbs swallowed hard. “-maybe love me again like you used to before this shit drew us apart?!”

Tony was looking thoughtful and Gibbs feared that the younger man would answer negatively, but suddenly Tony nodded.

“I... I think I could do that,”Tony answered, suddenly feeling shy. “I think I’ll need some time for the forgiving part, but I never stopped loving you. How about you accompany me to the doctor tomorrow and we'll-”

Gibbs jumped up from the side of the bed he had been sitting on, ignoring the questioning look from Tony. ”You really want to abort the baby?” He asked with more emotion then he really wanted to show.

“What?” Tony asked confused and tried to roll out of the bed to get eye-to-eye with Gibbs. “What are you talking about?”

“Ducky said you wanted to abort our baby, that you knew about a doctor here, who could do that,” Gibbs answered and Tony, who stood a little behind him, gasped when he saw a tear escape from Gibbs' eye and slowly roll down his cheek.

Tony stepped in front of the older man.

“Well, I'll be truthful and tell you that I've thought about it.” Gibbs tried to step away from him. “Would you just listen to me, please?”

Gibbs glared at him, but said nothing. His face transformed into a mask.

“I thought about it. I couldn't bear the thought that I would have to look at it and only see the reminder of a man who didn't love me the way I loved him.”

“But not anymore?”

*Was that the sound of hope in Gibbs' voice?*

“No, not anymore. I'm not sure about anything else, but I know that I want to keep it,” Tony answered softly, and lifted a hand to lay it against Gibbs' cheek. “But I will have to quit NCIS, I don't want to miss my, our, child growing up. I-”

“I want you and our child with me,” Gibbs interrupted, and pressed himself against Tony, turning his head into the hand which was still caressing his face, kissing the palm softly.

Tony groaned, but pulled away. “Can we go slow?” He asked, and prepared himself for an angry outburst he was sure would happen, but instead he was engulfed in a set of warm, strong arms and pulled against an even warmer body.

“We can go as slow as you want,” Gibbs whispered into his ear and Tony sighed in relief.

The rest of the day was spent slowly.

Tony slept almost the whole day away, only waking to eat or drink something, and Gibbs spent the time with the older ME after he made a call to the director to request some much-needed vacation time.

///*

Kate was surprised when she stepped out of the elevator on Monday and only saw McGee working at his desk.

“Morning, McGee,” she greeted. “What happened to Gibbs and where's Tony?”

McGee shrugged and looked a little lost for a moment. “I don't know, but I received the order to hand over all our open cases to the other teams and to concentrate on cold cases, until we hear otherwise.”

“Could it be that this has something to do with Tony and his disappearing act on Friday?” Kate mused loudly and jumped when a male voice started to speak behind her.

“Why would you think that, Special Agent Todd?” Director Morrow asked.

“D...D...Director Morrow?!” Kate gasped a little, before she found her composure.

“Good morning, agents,” Morrow greeted, and made his way over to Gibbs' desk, where he took a seat in Gibbs’ chair. “I heard that you've received my orders? So I won't have to repeat myself.”

“Sir?” Kate took the initiative, since McGee looked like he would faint any moment.

“Agent Todd?” the Director turned to the only woman on this team and smiled softly.

“What-”

“I'm sorry, Agent Todd, Agent McGee,” Morrow sounded really regretful.

“I’m not at liberty to talk about it.” Director Morrow rose from the chair and straightened his clothes.”As long as half of your team is missing you'll be on desk duty and working on cold cases.”

Both Agents were answering with a sharp, ”yes sir,”, before Director Morrow left them alone again.

“What do you think is going on?” McGee asked, when he could be sure that the Director couldn't hear them.

“I don't know,” Kate said a little ruefully. “Maybe we should talk to Abby?”

///*

Abby was nervously jumping up and down in front of her computer where she was trying to find information about male pregnancies, even though all she had been able to find so far had been pieces of fiction.

Fanfiction to be exact.

Who knew that there would be something like that on the Internet?

And her inner Fangirl gave a happy squeal when she found a site with Fanfiction about her favorite series.

“Abby?!”

Abby squeaked in surprise and whirled around, but not before she hit the button to hide her search results.

“McGee! Do you want to give me a heart attack?”

“That wouldn't be me, but the half dozen CaffPow's you managed to drink today, Abbs.”

Abby's look stated clearly what she thought about this comment, and McGee squirmed a little under her piercing gaze, before Kate stepped into the lab and locked the door behind her.

*Uh oh,* Abby thought, and tried to find a way out of this situation.

“What's going on, guys? Can't you see that I'm a little busy at the moment?”

“Well,” Kate smirked. “Maybe you should answer our questions a little faster than normal then?”

*Damn!* Abby cursed, “what do you want to know?”

“Well for starters- where's Gibbs?” Kate asked.

“Um, I don't know,” Abby answered truthfully, and tried to take some steps away from the duo.

“Okay,” McGee spoke before Kate could and asked and the question that was really bothering them. “What's going on with Tony?” McGee asked.

“T-,” Abby swallowed and started to play with one of her pigtails again. “Why Tony?”

“Oh, come on, Abby,” Kate groused. “You know something and we want to know what that something is.”

“I- I can't tell you,” Abby shook her head vehemently. “I'm sorry guys, really I am, but if I knew something about you, I wouldn't talk about it either. You're not only my friends but my family, and to talk about a secret you told me would be a bigger betrayal than anything else I'm able to think of.”

“Abby,” McGee tried to reason with her in his best soft voice.  
“No, McGee,” Abby glared at the young agent. “Whatever this secret is, I can't and I won't tell you without Tony's permission,” Abby turned to Kate. “Open the door, Kate, before I call for help and this-” she made a motion between herself and the two Agents. “-gets even further out of hand than it already has."


	11. Chapter 11

Monday morning found Tony in the office of Doctor Samson, an elderly man with grey hair and kind eyes, who smiled softly at him.

“So, Tony,” the doctor started. “I’ll do an ultrasound to see if there are any problems. You've said the date of conception was the 27th of June?”

“Yes,” Tony nodded nervously.

“Does the baby have enough room in there?” Tony asked suddenly. The idea that the baby couldn't survive because of something like that had been the plot of one very nasty nightmare the night before, and he started to stroke over his clothes where he thought the baby would be.

“Ah, I remember that I did some pretty precise testing the last time you were here.” Doctor Samson skimmed through Tony's file in front of him, before he pulled some pictures out of it and went around his desk to sit in the chair beside Tony. “See this?” He asked, and pointed to something on one of the pictures. “That's your uterus, and that small thing which is attached to one side of it and your bowels is a pretty good idea of Mother

Nature’s to ensure that the baby will have enough room in your body.”

Tony looked confusedly at the black and white picture the doctor was holding in front of him.

“It's like this: normally your uterus would be situated tightly against your bowels, safe and secure from any harm. Just before your menstruation hits, the uterus will lift itself a little, and the “string” there which acts as a valve to protect the uterus, will open up some to let sperm pass and to make it possible that impregnation will occur. The valve is built to let sperm in, but not out again.”

“I understand,” Tony nodded.

“Well, when you're pregnant, the uterus will slip into the front of your organs in your lower abdomen, where your body has a pouch just under the peritoneum and the string is responsible for supplying the organ with everything it needs.”

“H...ho...how will I give birth?” Tony asked, and watched the doctor put the pictures away again.

“We’ll do a C-Section once you go into labor,” the doctor explained. “I'm not sure if the pregnancy will be easy on you or not, Tony, as it is just as new for me as it is for you. If you want to have it, that is.”

“I want it, Doc,” Tony said and placed a hand on his lower abdomen.

“You sure?” The doctor asked, and Tony glared at him before he nodded.

“I'm sorry, but I had to ask, especially since you're alone,” the doctor patted Tony’s leg.

“I'm,” Tony cleared his throat. “I'm not alone, Doctor. The father of the baby is with me. He's waiting outside.”

“Oh?” the doctor looked truly surprised. “Why is he waiting outside then?”

“He wanted to give me some time alone with you, before he comes in. I- I'm going to be truthful, Doc. I've played with the idea of getting it aborted.”

“But not anymore?”

“No,” Tony shook his head. “Not anymore.”

“Alright,” the doctor rose from his place beside Tony and went to the door. “I'll send Amanda in to prepare you for the ultrasound. Shall I call your man in too?”

“Please? His name is Gibbs,” Tony smiled a little.

///*

Ducky had to smile when he watched Gibbs pace through the waiting room like a bear with a sore tooth, glaring at everyone who stepped into his way.

“Mister Gibbs?” An old man in a white coat asked, and Gibbs stopped pacing in front of the older man, not saying a word.

The doctor smiled winningly and Ducky relaxed somewhat, *Looks like the good man is very capable of handling the boys,* the older ME thought and

gave a little wave to Gibbs when the man turned to him and motioned that he would follow the doctor.

Amanda was a very nice looking woman with a tender touch, who helped Tony undress and slip onto the cot, after a quick stop on the scales, before she disappeared again.

Tony suddenly realized how cold it was in the room and goose bumps started to spread all over his body.

“Ah Tony, all ready I see,” the doctor smiled and Tony watched Gibbs slip into the room after the doctor and place himself at one side of the cot.

“Now, let's have a look,” Doctor Sam said. He spread some gel on Tony's abdomen, which had Tony hissing at the cold feeling of it, even though it came directly out of a basin filled with warm water.

Gibbs moved silently closer to the younger man and his fingertips met Tony's, who didn't hesitate ‘moving his hand a little from the place it was resting on the cot, and he clamped his fingers around Gibbs' hand.

“So, there we are,” the doctor exclaimed joyfully just a few moments later and pointed to a point on the monitor. “See this? That's the uterus...and this....this is your baby... Well, it's not much to see at this time, but that's definitely a fetus,” the doctor grinned and hit some buttons on his machine. He held a black and white picture out to Gibbs, who took it with an almost dream-like care. “Congratulations.”

Tony watched Gibbs for a moment. Both men missed how the doctor exited the room and left them alone after he had helped to clean up Tony again.

“Wow,” Gibbs whispered suddenly and his blue eyes could barely turn away from the small picture in his hands. His throat felt constricted, and a big lump of emotion was building in his chest and made it difficult to breathe.

Tony let go of Gibbs' hand and moved to stand up, only to find himself hugged from behind, feeling Gibbs' breath against his neck, before a butterfly-soft kiss was placed on the skin just behind his ear.

Both men were led into another room, where the doctor was waiting behind his desk and smiling broadly.

“Come in Tony and sit down, please. Mister Gibbs-”

“Jethro,” Gibbs took hold of one of Tony's hands and squeezed it once, before he turned his attention to the doctor.

“Jethro,” the doctor repeated with a nod. “Well, congratulations to you both again and I will let you out of here soon; I just want to go over some things first.”

Doctor Sam's face turned serious, “You need to gain weight, Tony. Doctor Mallard told me that the morning sickness is really hard on you?”

“Yes,” Tony answered. “Most of the time I feel exhausted and eating is not something that is high on my list of priorities right now.”

“Well, you need to eat,” the doctor replied. “Amanda will give you a list of foods that I recommend you eat regularly. Doctor Mallard gave you something to help with the morning sickness?”

“Yes.”

“It's a good medication, we will stick with it,” the doctor wrote something in Tony's file. “You're still living in D.C.?”

“Yeah, got my job there,” Tony answered and felt how Gibbs' hand tightened around his own.

“I'll give you the address for a private clinic a little outside of D.C. A friend of mine is working there, she's a gynecologist, too.”

“Doc, I'm-” Tony began, but was interrupted by the doctor.

“I know you're not comfortable around strangers, Tony, especially now. But believe me, she's really good at what she does.”

“Maybe, but why can't I just keep you as my doctor?”

“Because of the distance for one thing,” the doctor answered slowly. “It's fine when you're having trouble with your menstruation or have questions about something, but it's a whole different story when you're pregnant. Imagine something happens and I would need to get to you quickly-”

Tony sighed loudly and Gibbs watched him for a moment before he spoke.“We could give her a chance at least, right?”

“I guess,” Tony answered, his eyes firmly fixed on Gibbs' blue eyes.

“It's for the best, Tony.” The doctor handed a small card over to Gibbs.

“She's a really wonderful person, you'll see. I will mail her your file after I've added the results from today. She'll be in contact with you for your next appointment.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Tony smile was a little strained and the doctor nodded in understanding before he shook both man’s hands and left.

Tony sighed again, before he grinned at Gibbs, “Hi, Daddy.”

“Hi,” Gibbs frowned. He couldn't call Tony “mummy” now, could he?

Tony laughed; somehow he could guess what Gibbs' problem was and gasped in surprise when he was pulled against Gibbs and kissed hard.

All the feelings Tony had lived through for the last few weeks were bleeding out of him; the coldness which had settled itself in his body gave way to an all consuming warmth and Tony heard himself moan, which was swallowed by Gibbs.

Both of them met Ducky in the waiting-room and the older ME smiled when he saw how Gibbs refused to let Tony away from him. The Agent still held Tony's hand, their fingers interlaced with each other, and both of them were smiling softly.

“Good news I take it?” Ducky asked and Tony showed him the picture of their baby. “Ah, good to have something to hold on to, right?”

A few hours later:

“I want you to move in with me,” Gibbs said when he watched Tony dry his hair in the bathroom.

“What?” Tony asked and stopped what he was doing.

“I want you to move in with me,” Gibbs repeated.

“Why?” Tony asked and sat down on the rim of the tub; he looked at Gibbs, who stood in the door with a cup of coffee in his hands.

“What do you mean with ‘why’?” Gibbs asked, his eyes narrowing. “I own a house, with lots of space for you and our child-”

“And?” Tony asked.

“And a garden,” Gibbs added smirking.

“That's not what I want to hear right now,” Tony said and pushed his lower lip out in a pout.

“And,” Gibbs said, placed his coffee cup on the basin and stepped up to

Tony. “And-” Gibbs started to stroke through Tony's hair, before he placed the other hand against Tony's neck and pulled him up so he could bend down to give Tony a deep kiss.

Tony groaned and felt his body start to respond.

Gibbs pulled him farther up, until Tony stood a little unsteadily; Gibbs pressed his clothed body against Tony's, who was only clad in a big towel wrapped around his waist.

Both men groaned loudly at the contact and Gibbs let his hands run up and down over Tony's back, until he slipped his fingers under the towel and

Tony gasped breathlessly. “So? I'm still waiting.”

Gibbs snorted, before he steered the man out of the bathroom by pulling on the towel.

“I love you,” Gibbs whispered, just when Tony lay down on the bed. Gibbs crawled over Tony to reach Tony's mouth. “I love you.”

Tony gasped, before he welcomed Gibbs' tongue into his mouth and gave himself over to the multitude of feelings which were coursing through his body right at that moment.

Gibbs moved his kisses from Tony's mouth down to the younger man's chest and abdomen, and placed a big, wet kiss on the lower abdomen. He was a little surprised to see that Tony's cock stayed half hard.

“I'm sorry,” Tony whispered brokenly and hid his face behind one of his arms. “I'm so sorry.”

“It's alright,” Gibbs whispered back and crawled back up to lay beside Tony, before he pulled the arm away from Tony's face. “I love you,” he whispered again when he saw into Tony's tear-filled eyes. “We'll get over it. You only need some time.”

*To trust me again*, Gibbs thought, and had to swallow the thick lump in his throat.

Gibbs pulled the blanket over Tony and rested one of his hands against the younger man's chest, and he watched Tony close his eyes.

The older Agent stayed like this for a while, until he could be sure that the sleeping man wouldn't be disturbed by him moving, then he slipped out of the bed.

*Still early.* Gibbs would let Tony sleep for a few hours and then get him ready to go out for dinner.

He found their first picture of the baby and sat down on the chair beside the bed.

*Hey, little one,* Gibbs thought and his mind started to wander into the future.

A future with him and Tony, and their kid in the park.

A sunny day at the park, filled with laughter and games, ice cream and hot dogs...

...a soft knocking from the door pulled him out of his daydreams and he looked anxiously to Tony, but the man slept deeply and Gibbs sighed in relief.

He opened the door and saw Ducky standing there with a small carton under his arm, the bottle of bourbon and glasses in his hands.

“Want to let me in, Jethro?” The older ME asked, smirking a little about the surprised face Gibbs showed.

“Sure, come in, Ducky,” Gibbs made way for Ducky and took the glasses from the older man's hands.

“Thank you,” Ducky said gratefully. “How is Anthony?” He asked after he looked in on Tony sleeping in the bed.

“Stressed.” Gibbs answered. “I think I have a lot of things to make right.”

“Well some wounds heal slower than others, that’s for sure,” Ducky said and went over to the table to get his hands free. “Come and join me, Jethro. There is no need for us to stay beside the bed. Did you know that this Hotel rents board games to its guests in case -”

Gibbs let Ducky's ramblings wash over him while they set up the chess board...

///*

*She's really angry,* McGee thought, when he saw how Abby stomped to her car with big angry steps.

“Did you have any luck with your search?” Kate asked from beside him, and McGee nodded once. “I've found out that Gibbs used his credit card to pay for a flight to Peoria and a hotel room.”

“Peoria? Isn't that where-”

“Yeah, Tony worked there once,” McGee confirmed, suddenly getting angry.

“But that's all I want to find out, Kate. If the boss needs us, he'll call.” Kate's eyebrows shot up.

“Sorry,” McGee said, and searched in his coat for the keys to his car.

“That's alright,” Kate said. “Everyone would run for cover when Abby's angry.”

Abby did what she always did when she was angry.

She drove to her apartment, and turned her hi-fi system on high, until her windows were vibrating to newest song by Moonspell.

She would probably hear complaints from her neighbors soon, but she needed a little time for herself now, to get rid of all the anger inside.

She only needed a few moments until her body started to move sensually to the music and she could leave the anger behind, but she wouldn't forget it that easily.

///*

Tony woke slowly. His mind was still in this dreamlike state between sleep and full wakefulness.

Two voices were cutting through the mist like knives and he could hear words like “Shrink”, “Monster” and “Freak.”

And suddenly his heart stopped cold.

*So this is like it is,* Tony thought, refusing to let the tears fall from his eyes. *And I thought he would love me now. How foolish of me.*

///*

Ducky nodded, before he answered whispering, “Maybe you both should go and see someone?”

“You mean-”

“Couples counseling? Yes I do,” Ducky moved his queen and Gibbs growled

when he saw that he was unable to bring her down.

“I don't know, Ducky,” Gibbs said after he took a swallow of his bourbon.

“I mean, we would need someone who would not blow a gasket about Tony being a pregnant man.”

 

Ducky nodded, before he went silent and Gibbs recognized the look on the older ME's face as of one of deep thought.

“We can wait on it until we're home again,” Gibbs moved one of his figures on the board and waited until Ducky caught on.

“I'm sure Abigail would know about someone,” Ducky said suddenly and watched with interest how Gibbs paled.

“We need to find a Goth-shop before we're driving home,” Gibbs said.

Ducky snickered.

The last time he'd been in such a shop with Gibbs had been more than a little interesting.

Gibbs got up and walked over to the bed, and placed a soft kiss on Tony's head. Ducky had to swallow when he saw this kind of affection coming from his friend.

“Tony?” Gibbs watched how Tony opened his eyes. “Come on. Time to get up and get something to eat.”

“'M not hungry,” Tony replied and tried to roll away from Gibbs, but Gibbs simply climbed on the bed and followed him.

“You need to eat,” Gibbs tried again and was met by a pair of angry blue eyes.

“Leave me alone, Gibbs,” Tony hissed and Gibbs was for a moment taken aback by the anger, before he pulled the blanket away and exposed Tony to the cool air of the room.

“Hey!” Tony shouted in protest and blushed when he realized that Ducky was watching them and had a good look at Tony's naked body.

“Move your ass, DiNozzo, or I swear I will make you move it,” Gibbs growled.


	12. Chapter 12

Gibbs couldn't help but worry about Tony, given how he was being so silent again.

No jokes, no happy smiles, not even when Tony had looked at the picture this morning, and worst of all the younger man was fully ignoring Gibbs.

Gibbs sighed when he remembered how he had tried to help Tony undress after they'd came back from dinner with Ducky, and Tony had pulled himself out of Gibbs’ reach and growled an, “I can do that myself.”

Gibbs had tried to talk to him then, but had only met with a cold wall of silence.

///*

Abby reached her lab and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw what had been placed on her desk.

A huge bunch of black roses, together with a stuffed animal dressed in black leather.

Forgive me?

McGee

She sighed.

McGee could be such a hopeless romantic sometimes.

“Abby?” Kate's voice sounded through her lab and Abby squared her shoulders, afraid of what would happen next.

“Kate.” Abby said, when she stepped into the lab.

“Abby,” Kate pulled a box from behind her back and extended it to the young Goth, who looked a little suspicious. “I'm sorry, Abby.”

Abby sighed again.

The clock hadn't reached Ten a.m. just yet and still Abby had the feeling that she would be doing a lot of sighing today.

“Really,” Kate said when she saw Abby’s pained expression. “I'm really sorry for how I reacted yesterday.”

“Alright.”

“Alright?” Kate asked. “That's it, nothing more?”

“What do you want to hear, Kate?” Abby asked, a hint of warning in her voice.

“Nothing,” Kate smiled tightly. “Enjoy your present.”

Abby snorted and watched how Kate hurried back to the elevator, before she threw the box into the far corner of the room.

She so wanted Gibbs and Tony to come back...

Kate walked slowly back to her desk, thinking all the way about how to make it right again with Abby, who had been, until yesterday, her best friend.

She sat heavily down behind her desk and started to work, when she took her first good look at McGee. He sat hunched over behind his desk.

“Hey McGee,” Kate called and when she had his attention she asked. “Did you talk to Abby this morning?”

“No,” McGee answered. “I think she needs some more time, before she'll listen to anything I've got to say. Why?” McGee asked back.

Kate sighed, “I tried to talk to her. I even brought some of her favorite chocolate, as a sign that I really regret what I did, but she was not her usual charming self this morning.”

McGee flinched a little, before he nodded and turned back to his work.

Kate sighed again, before she threw a wistful look to Gibbs' desk and powered up her computer...

///*

Ducky felt the tension in the car and almost suggested joining them back at Gibbs' house. But one look at Gibbs and a slight head shake from the man convinced him that Gibbs had realized that something was wrong, too.

Tony gave a small wave to Ducky in goodbye and closed his eyes. The weariness was back in him, and all he wanted to do was to curl up somewhere and sleep.

“What's wrong, Tony?” Gibbs’ voice cut through the droning of the car.

“Nothing,” Tony replied, and tried to let his voice sound cold, even though his body wanted to curl himself around the man beside him.

“Right,” Gibbs' voice was laced with sarcasm. “Is that why you won't look into my eyes anymore?”

Tony only shrugged in reply then his body lurched suddenly forward, when Gibbs hit the brakes.

“Dammit, Gibbs,” Tony cursed. “Do you want to kill us?”

“Talk,” Gibbs ordered, and Tony found himself pinned against the car door by Gibbs' body.

“About?” Tony asked, not ready to give in that easily.

“Dammit, DiNozzo,” Gibbs growled, his mouth only inches away from Tony's. “Don't be like this.”

Tony turned his head away and closed his eyes, but he felt the warmth of Gibbs' hand just before a soft touch turned his head back again.

“Please Tony,” Gibbs whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “Don't shut me out.”

Tony swallowed and jumped a little when something warm, soft and slippery ran over his lips.

“Please,” Gibbs whispered again, and hot breath caressed Tony's face.

The young man opened his eyes and watched Gibbs watch him, and he had to ask. “Why? Why don't you love me?”

Gibbs pushed himself away from Tony.

“What?”

“You... You don't love me...you never have.”

The head-slap rocked Tony's head forward, but before he could respond he was wrapped in Gibbs' arms, who whispered into his ear,” I do...I do...I really do love you.”

“You're lying,” Tony tried to push Gibbs away...he tried to beat against Gibbs' chest...tried to get away...but Gibbs held on.

Gibbs held on.

Just held on and waited until Tony couldn't fight anymore, then Tony could feel Gibbs' mouth near his ear. “Why do you think that?”

Tony cried, but answered between sobs, “I heard what you said yesterday.”

“What I said,” Gibbs whispered disbelievingly. “What exactly?”

“I heard how you said I would need a shrink. You...you...you...”

Gibbs growled before he bent to Tony again, “I think you heard it wrong. I said you and I would need to see a shrink because of all that. Ducky told me a little about your childhood-”

“Ducky told you what?” Tony exploded again and Gibbs saw that the younger man had finally reached the end of his rope. “First he told you that I'm pregnant and now he told you about my...my....FUCK!”

“Tony.” Gibbs could slap himself, but he was afraid of what could happen if he let go of Tony, so he only let go with one hand and placed the free one against Tony's lower abdomen. “How could I not love you and the baby? And Ducky? He only means well.”

Tony only glared.

“What's going on with you?” Gibbs asked.

Tony glared a little harder, before he collapsed, “I don't know, boss.”

*Boss?*

“I mean, I'm almost overcome with joy in one moment and then-”

“In a blue funk in the next?” Gibbs asked, suddenly understanding that the baby was the culprit for everything that happened since yesterday.

And suddenly he remembered that Shannon had the same trouble holding her emotions in check during her pregnancy.

Tony nodded and looked utterly miserable.

“You heard my talking,” Gibbs said and tapped gently against Tony's abdomen. “And the little one in there did the rest.”

“What...what do you mean?” Tony asked, totally confused.

“Your body is swamped by hormones, because of our little one in there, and that’s the reason that your emotions are jumping around so much,” he explained in a soft voice, his hand searching for a way under Tony's clothes. “And why should you believe that I'm truthful with you, since everyone else had only hurt you in the past, right?”

Tony shrugged and nodded, and opened his mouth to say something, but Gibbs placed a finger against his lips and shook his head.

“Don't talk, chucklehead. Just take a deep breath and relax for a moment, alright?” Gibbs asked, and his hand finally found away under Tony's clothes so Gibbs started to caress Tony's skin.

“I want you,” Gibbs said. “I want you and our baby, but we have some problems and I think it can't hurt if we find someone who can help us.”

Tony shook his head and sighed when Gibbs refused to lift his finger from his mouth.

“I'm not done yet.” Gibbs growled.

“We'll drive over to your apartment and you'll pack some things, then we'll drive home. We can pack the rest of your things on the weekend, when you're feeling better and have rested up a little. I'll ask Ducky to do some shopping for us; I don't think I have anything edible at home.”

///*

Ducky went over to his phone after he watched Gibbs drive away and his first call was to Abby, who answered with a cheery, “Hello?”

“Abigail? It's-”

“Duckman!” Abby squealed loudly, and Ducky had to hold the receiver away from his ear to prevent an imminent loss of hearing.

///*

True to his word, Gibbs accompanied Tony to his apartment and helped him pack two suitcases with clothes, before they drove over to his house.

There they were met by Ducky and Abby, who was apparently discussing something animatedly with the older man, but they stopped when Gibbs' car turned into the driveway.

“Huh? What's Ducky doing here already?” Tony asked with surprise and saw how Gibbs shrugged.

“I haven't had a chance to call him yet, so let's go and find out, shall we?” The older man asked and opened the door of his side of the car.

“Jethro,” Ducky greeted and smiled at Tony, who climbed out of the passenger side of the car, his appearance looking more than a little worn out.

“Ducky? What are you two doing here?” Gibbs asked and helped Tony out of the car.

“We were shopping, Gibbs,” Abby piped up. “You know? Lots of fresh fruit and milk-”

Ducky had a feeling when he got a look at the two men, and interrupted Abby by patting her arm and saying, ”Come on, Abigail, I think we should carry the bags into the kitchen.”

Abby furrowed her brows in confusion, but followed Ducky into the house without a word.

“Come on, Tony,” Gibbs coached. “Let's get you inside.”

“It's alright, you know?” Tony whispered when he reached the stairs that would lead them inside. “Like I told you, I have this house and I can always move-”

Gibbs whirled around and ordered, “Shut up!”

The older man had finally reached his breaking point; he was not used to talking about his feelings as much as he had in the last few days, and something snapped in his head.

Gibbs saw how Tony flinched away from the sharp words. ”Dammit Tony, how many times do I have to tell you that I want to have you here?”

“I...I...I,” Tony stuttered, before he cleared his throat. “I dunno, maybe forever?”

Tony took a look at the older man and suddenly admitted, “I'm afraid that you'll kick me out, when you realize that I'm more trouble than worth keeping.”

And suddenly Gibbs looked like he would collapse into himself; he let himself drop onto one of the stairs, “Tony...How can I make you believe that I want to stay at your side? How can I...”

Suddenly Gibbs appeared so much older than his years.

“I want you here,” Gibbs voice sounded hoarse. “I swear to you, I want you here with me, by my side.”

Tony let himself sink to the ground just in front of Gibbs' legs, “I can't help myself. I'm afraid of everything-”

“There's no need to be afraid,” Gibbs caressed Tony's face and smiled a little when Tony leaned into his hand.

///*

Ducky and Abby were watching everything from the small window in the kitchen and Abby couldn't help but cry in sympathy.

“Ah, my dear Abigail,” Ducky said, and pulled her away from the window and over to the table.

“He looks so frail,” Abby whispered and nodded her thanks when Ducky handed her a handkerchief.

Ducky sighed and kept putting away the groceries, “He and Jethro will need a lot of help to handle the new situation and,” Ducky turned around to the distraught Goth. “They will need the help of their friends.”

“Okay,” Abby jumped up from her chair. “What can I do?”

“Give them your support and your friendship, just like you always do,” Ducky said smiling. He knew that Abby would do anything she could to make sure of that.

“You got it, Duckman,” Abby grinned suddenly. “So, Tony's pregnant?”

“Yes, I am,” Tony's voice came from the door and Abby jumped before she threw herself at the young man.

“Don't know how and I don't care,” Abby showered Tony's face with kisses.

“Do-” Tony had to laugh at the enthusiastic woman in his arms. “-you want to see it?”

Abby stopped, her face showing her surprise, before Gibbs handed her the small black and white picture.

And even though she could only see a small black bubble in a pattern of white and black, she squealed in joy and a mantra of ”Oh my god, oh my god!” left her lips and had the others laughing.

They'd ordered pizza for dinner and were surprised when Kate and McGee appeared at Gibbs' door.

Abby avoided speaking to them, until Gibbs had her cornered in the kitchen. He demanded an explanation and was surprised about what the two agents had tried to do.

When he went back into the living room where everyone was gathered, he glared at the two Agents and gave them a sign to follow him into the basement; then he bent down to Tony and gave him a light kiss on the forehead, which had Kate gasping in a mix of surprise and shock.

Tony looked a little confused when he saw how the three disappeared through the door to the basement, but he was soon distracted by Abby and her nonstop talking.

The door opened again a while later and two shamefaced agents stepped into the living room and directly in front of Abby.

“Abby,” Kate started. “I want to tell you how sorry I am for what I did yesterday and I hope that you can forgive us.”

“Kate,” Abby started, before she stopped again and took some deep breaths.

“Okay, I understand why you did what you did, you only wanted to get some answers, but-” she lifted one of her hands and pointed a finger directly at Kate. “I'm not one of your suspects. And I hate to be pressed into something I don't want to do...and if this ever happens again-”

“It won't, Abby,” McGee spoke up. “I promise.”

Abby nodded and let her pigtails dance, before she turned back to the

conversation with Tony and Ducky.

“What was that all about?” Tony asked, but Abby only shook her head. “Nothing you'll need to worry about.”

Gibbs sat down beside Tony and pulled the younger man against his body, not caring that Kate and McGee were still looking a little shell shocked, even after he told them about Tony and himself...

...not about the baby... he would leave the decision to Tony, if he wanted to tell them and when.

Director Tom Morrow came over later, when the others were getting ready to leave again, and he stayed only briefly after he saw how tired Tony and Gibbs looked. But his visit was long enough to congratulate Gibbs for following his heart.

After all, he was Gibbs' friend too.

Tony was the one who broke the news to the Director after Gibbs went to get some fresh coffee.

“Director Morrow?”

“Tom.” Morrow said and took a sip of his bourbon.

“Okay, Tom,” Tony nodded, and pulled the picture from his breast pocket and placed it in front of the Director.

“Mmmmh, I saw something like this a few weeks ago from my daughter,” Morrow said and had a good look. “She’s pregnant with my first grandchild.”

“That's great,” Tony replied and swallowed when Morrow looked at him strangely.

“Does Gibbs know?”

Tony nodded, “It's his.”

“Who is the mother?” Morrow asked when he handed the picture back.

“I am.”

Morrow choked, “What?”

“I am the one who will give birth to it,” Tony said slowly.

“That's- How?- I mean-” Morrow shook his head.

“Doctor Mallard can answer your questions about that. I only wanted to let you know,” Tony said. “And I want to let you know that I want to quit my job.”

“When?” Morrow asked.

“I don't know yet, but surely when the baby is born,” Tony answered and noticed that Gibbs was watching them.

“Are you sure? I mean a child is not like a cheap hobby,” Morrow responded.

“I've inherited a few bucks from my grandfather. It will be enough to care for more than one child,” Tony answered, suddenly feeling his self-confidence returning.

Gibbs placed a steaming cup in front of Tony and when Tony took it the younger man was surprised by the heavy smell of chocolate, ”Thank you.”

Gibbs nodded at him before he turned over to the Director, ”I want to take the next two weeks off. We need to move Tony in, and I need a few days with him-”

“Alright,” Morrow interrupted. “I'll set up the paperwork and you can come in tomorrow and sign it.”

Morrow gathered his things, “I think I will have a chat with Ducky soon. Agent DiNozzo-”

“Tony, please.”

“Okay, Tony. Call if you need something, anything you hear me?”

“Yes sir,” Tony said and gave him a small wave goodbye.

A few minutes later Tony and Gibbs made their way up to Gibbs' bedroom and Gibbs helped Tony undress.

“What happened between Abby, Kate and McGee today?” Tony asked.

“They had a fight,” Gibbs explained and knelt in front of Tony to remove his sneakers. “I only helped them to see the error of their ways.”

“You played daddy already?” Tony asked with a grin. “Sweet, gives you the right feel to raise our baby.”

Gibbs snorted, “I can always train with you.”

“Uh-huh,” Tony said, and yawned.

Gibbs grinned, before he rose and pushed Tony back on the bed and crawled atop of him where he started to kiss Tony softly.

Tony moaned and felt Gibbs press his pelvis into his own; he felt a spark of arousal running through his body, but he started to sob when he felt himself stay soft.

“Shhh,” Gibbs whispered.

“I...I want to,” Tony said and opened his legs, but Gibbs shook his head, rolled to his side and pulled Tony against his body until the younger man had his head against Gibbs' chest. The older man started to stroke slowly through Tony's hair, until the young man relaxed.

“Just sleep,” Gibbs whispered. “I'm sure it's just because you’re tired.”

Gibbs received no answer, because Tony had already slipped into sleep...


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is set 14 days after Chapter 12!

Tony stood at the head of the stairs and watched in wonder as a small boy played with his teddy at the foot of the stairs.

The boy was babbling something and Tony felt the urge to call out for Gibbs and to ask him where the boy came from, until he heard how the boy told his bear, “Da-dy home soon.”

Could it be?

Could it really be that this boy was his and Jethro's child?

Tony could feel himself fall instantly in love with the little guy.

He took the stairs two at a time and wondered briefly why the boy seemed not to react to him, but a sudden knock at the door had the boy jumping up and running to the door, all the way shouting “Da-dy! Da-dy!”

Tony noted in wonder, on his way over to the front door that the house was looking a lot friendlier then he'd ever knew it to be.

Colorful pictures of sunsets and a few self-made ones, apparently from the little tyke, who was now so hard trying to open the door by himself, were mixed with photos showing Jethro, himself and the boy and Tony couldn't help the tears which were flooding his eyes when he realized just how happy they had to be to own pictures like this.

“Da-dy,” the boy started to sound frustrated. “Da-dy!”

Tony was startled when the child turned around and said,” Pa? Da-dy?”

“Alright,” Tony hurried his steps, until he could scoop up the boy, who had his arms instantly around his neck and Tony took a deep breath through his nose when he got hit by a myriad of emotions. “Let's see if daddy is home, okay?”

The boy looked at him with wide, icy blue eyes, before he nodded.

Tony opened the door and felt how his knees get weak when he saw two

police officers standing on their veranda.

“Mr. DiNozzo?” one of them asked.

Tony felt himself nod in affirmation.

The boy in his arms whimpered softly and Tony pressed the small body a little tighter against his own body.

“There had been an accident on the Highway...”

Tony couldn't hear anything else around the rushing of blood in his ears...

... and somewhere was someone screaming...

...He opened his eyes to the sight of a funeral.

Watched how Abby held the boy, who was dressed in a dark suit, in her arms, both of them crying openly.

The small voice of his son was sending arrows of pain straight into his heart.

“Da-dy! Daaaa-dyyyy!”

Someone was squeezing his shoulder, but he turned his eyes back to the casket and was mesmerized by the flag lying on top of it.

In there lay the love of his life, his very soul...

...He saw himself sitting on their bed.

His weapon in his hand, crying and jumped when he heard the sound of a safety being switched off.

“I can't live without you, Jethro,” he heard his voice, hoarse from crying...

The shot echoed through Tony's head and he was wide awake and gasping for breath, only a moment before he jumped out of bed and ran over to the bathroom.

Gibbs startled awake at the sudden movement beside him and followed Tony, who vomited weakly into the toilet; thick trails of tears were running down his cheeks.

“Tony?” Gibbs asked, and pulled a washcloth from one of the racks to wet it.

Tony gasped for breath, before he answered, “N-nightmare.”

Gibbs nodded; he'd guessed as much since it was too early for an attack of morning sickness.

“Want to talk about it?” Gibbs asked, and started to rub the washcloth over Tony's neck.

Tony sighed, the warmth of the cloth let him relax, but he grimaced when he felt how wet his clothes had become.

“Need a shower first,” Tony said and started to stand.

“You stay put,” Gibbs ordered. “I'll get you some fresh clothes.”

“I-I can shower by myself, Jethro,” Tony moved a little shakily and started to slip out of his boxer-shorts.

“I know you can,” Gibbs grinned. “But you won't.”

Tony made a face, but watched silently when Gibbs flushed and closed the toilet and let Gibbs make him sit down on the closed lid, before he was wrapped in a bathrobe.

Tony closed his eyes and took some deep breaths and was surprised when he opened them to the sound of flowing water and the sight of Gibbs stripping.

“You know,” Tony said. “I could get used to this.”

“To what?” Gibbs asked. “Showering at 0130 in the morning, or-”

“Showering with you,” Tony finished the sentence for Gibbs, who felt how his cock showed an instantly interest in what was going on.

“Tony,” Gibbs groaned.

“We could make it one of our rules,” Tony went on, stripping himself.

“Showering with your partner once a day at least.”

Gibbs snorted, “We could, as long as we won't shower together in the mornings.”

“Awww, and that's my favorite,” Tony made some quotes in the air. “Shower- together- time.”

“So?” Gibbs asked and pulled the younger man against his chest. “And just how many times did you shower together with someone?”

Tony smiled, when he saw Gibbs' possessive side come through. “Well, there has been-”

The kiss was hard and demanding and arousing like hell, and when they parted both men were panting heavily.

“Don't want to know-” Gibbs panted and steered Tony backwards into the shower stall. “Whoever they might have been, they'll never have you again.”

Tony's cock twitched and he smiled in relief, when he felt himself getting hard.

“Do you think that's funny?” Gibbs asked and pressed Tony against the tiles, which had Tony gasping in surprise of the coldness at his back.

Of course, Gibbs realized why Tony was grinning like a madman, but he didn't want to destroy the tension which kept up building between them.

“No,” Tony gasped, and moaned when Gibbs started to suck on the skin of his neck. He actually mewled in protest when Gibbs stopped and glared into his face until Tony made eye contact with him.

“If I ever,” the older man pressed himself tightly against Tony. “catch you with someone else-” he pressed his pelvis against Tony's.

“You won't,” Tony promised and tried to find something on the wall to hang on to.

Gibbs made a note to himself to drive over to the Home Depot and get a handle in the morning, before he pushed his now-swollen member against Tony's.

“But-” Tony gasped and nipped at Gibbs' bottom lip. “-that goes both ways.”

“Okay,” Gibbs managed to answer, before he groaned when his arousal skyrocketed.

Tony threw one of his legs around Gibbs’ waist and tried to pull the older man's pelvis against his own, to get some more of the much needed friction.

“Don't want to take you here,” Gibbs whispered and Tony almost fainted when Gibbs' hot breath hit the skin just under his ear.

“Need you,” Tony whimpered when he felt Gibbs start to pull away.

“Sssh,” Gibbs crooned and shut off the water before he took hold of one of Tony's hands and pulled him out of the shower.

Gibbs didn't take the time to dry either of them, his desire too great to wait any longer; he steered Tony to the bed and blanketed him with his body.

“Please,” Tony moaned when he felt Gibbs hot and wet skin on his own.

///*

Abby shut down her computer and sighed.

Even after two weeks of research she hadn't found anything useful about male pregnancies.

She had a look at the newest ultrasound picture of Tony's and Gibbs' baby and smiled softly.

Still not much to see, but she traced the black and white body in front of her with one of her fingertips.

*Don't worry, baby,* she thought. *This world is wonderful, you'll see.*

The Goth groaned at knock at her door, but went to open it nonetheless.

“Timmy,” Abby greeted the man in front of her.

It was not that often that McGee came for a visit, not since he stayed overnight when he started to work on Gibbs' team and she hadn't told him that they would have to sleep in a coffin.

Well, a big comfortable coffin.... had to be, she slept in it all the time.

But the last two weeks had been a little awkward between them, not only because Kate and McGee had tried to press her for some information, but also because Gibbs had told them about his and Tony's sexual relationship.

Most of the awkwardness came from Kate, as she was Catholic and had to jump past everything she believed in to accept that her boss and their Senior Field Agent were gay...

*And,* Abby thought, *She probably had to jump over her own attraction to Gibbs, too.*

McGee was just someone who was caught in the middle of it all, not knowing what he should do, especially when the tension in the bullpen became almost unbearable. Abby found him more often than not in her lab, but hadn't spoken to him about anything much more than work and computers.

“What can I do for you, Timmy?” Abby asked and pulled him into her apartment.

“There is something more going on with Tony, right?” McGee blurted out and Abby gasped a little in surprise, before she could prevent it.

“Why are you asking?” she asked and watched McGee roll his eyes.

“Come on, Abbs. He's on desk-duty since he came back to work,” McGee said and paced through Abby's living room and tried very hard not to look too closely at the things standing around in it. “And why are either you or Ducky always fussing around him?”

“Timmy,” Abby started, but was interrupted.

“And this new craving of his? I mean, he's eating Peanut butter all the time!”

Abby grinned, it was true that Tony had developed a craving for peanut butter a few days ago and there always a jar of it to be had on his desk, but it was also true that he'd lost a lot of weight and could use the extra energy the spread would provide him with.

“What's this?” McGee asked and held the ultrasound picture in his hand. “Abby? Are you- Is this? I- I mean-”

“No,” Abby simply answered and shook her head.

McGee had a closer look at the picture and gasped in surprise when he could read the name in the right corner of it.

DiNozzo.

“I'll be damned.”

///*

Gibbs and Tony lay on the bed, not wet anymore, but hot and sweaty...

Thank God that Tony's little “problem” had resolved itself and not caused anymore grief between them than it already had.

This night had been the first time since everything started that they had had sex.

Very hot sex...

And Gibbs had tried hard to show Tony that he loved him more than he could

ever describe, and when he turned to have a look at the younger man he couldn't help but grin at Tony's blissed-out face and pull him a little tighter against his chest.

Tony stretched his body, ”Mmmh, that was fantastic.”

“I'm glad you liked it,” Gibbs answered, and moaned when Tony started to let his mouth run over Gibbs skin until he reached a nipple, and let his tongue dance around it before he started to suckle on it softly.

“God,” Gibbs groaned, and used his arms and legs to build a shelter around the younger man, whose movements became more sluggish with every passing moment, until they stopped altogether.

Sleep claimed Tony and he was soon breathing softly...

Gibbs sighed in a mix of relief and disappointment, and pulled a blanket around them and smiled when he felt Tony wrap an arm around his waist.

///*

“Give it back,” Abby held her hand out to McGee who still stood unmoving and stared at the picture in his hands.

“He's married, right? Or has a sister he didn't tell us about, right? Right, Abby?” McGee asked a little hysterically.

“No,” Abby shook her head again, before she clapped a hand over her mouth, horrified that she couldn't keep her promise.

“No? You mean no as in he's not married, right? Or do you mean no, he has no sister?”

“Timmy,” Abby whispered, suddenly feeling tired. “I can't tell you...

please... I did promise I wouldn't tell anyone.”

She stepped up to the young agent and placed one of her slim hands against the man's cheek.

But McGee refused to be distracted this easily and suddenly he knew the answer, ”It's his, right? He's pregnant... I mean, that would make sense... somehow... I mean, his cravings... the mood swings... the upset stomach he has in the mornings-”

“Please, Timmy,” Abby pleaded.

“...and the director knows, too, right? Because he's asking Tony almost every day how he's feeling and if he needs anything,” McGee looked at Abby and tried his best to glare at her, but his glare faltered when he saw Abby's eyes were starting to fill with tears. “I'm sorry, Abby,” he said and pulled her into his arms.

“Tony wanted to tell you and Kate, but then Kate started to act all bitchy and Tony-”

“I understand,” McGee said after a moment. “I won't tell anyone, Abbs.”

“Thank you,” was all Abby said, before her hand found its way into McGee's pants...

///*

The next morning:

The 'ping' of the elevator echoed through the bullpen and McGee saw Gibbs step out of it, with his ever present cup of coffee in one hand, but without their Senior Field Agent in tow.

“Morning,” Gibbs greeted and took his seat behind his desk, not gracing Kate with so much as a look; she sat suddenly ramrod straight behind her desk.

“Uhm... boss?” McGee started and had to swallow when Gibbs looked at him.

“McGee?!”

“I... uh... I only wanted to know, if... uh...,” McGee sighed and asked his question in a rush to get over it. “I only wanted to ask if Tony is alright.”

“He's fine, McGee. Why're you asking?” Gibbs pierced him with his patented 'Gibbs glare’.

“He didn’t come in with you and-”

Kate jumped up from her desk.

“Problem, Agent Todd?” Gibbs asked. His voice was cold.

“Only need the head, Gibbs,” Kate answered and hurried away. She missed seeing the look of pain Gibbs sent after her, before he turned back to McGee.

“He has an appointment with his doctor, McGee.”

“Oh.”

///*

Tony sat in a wingback chair and watched the woman in front of him very closely.

Abby had recommended this psychiatrist to Tony a week ago, said that she was one of the best she knew and that she wouldn't be put off by anything Tony would tell her.

Now he sat there and hoped to get a handle on all his insecurities, which were far less apparent than a few days before, thanks to Gibbs and the others, but still there. And Kate hadn't helped much with her problem with accepting that he and Gibbs were so close to each other.

“So, Mister DiNozzo,” the doctor said. “Shall we start?”

“Please call me Tony - my father's called Mister DiNozzo - and I don't have any good memories of my time with him.”

“Alright, Tony,” the woman smiled softly. “You can call me Meredith if you want.”

Tony nodded.

“So where do you want to start?” Meredith asked.

“How about the beginning?” asked Tony back and started to tell her the story of his life.

When he was finished with, “And now I'm pregnant with Jethro's baby and living in his house.”

Meredith shook her head in disbelief and smiled softly at him when she gave him the two pictures of his baby back, “That's a unbelievable story, Tony, even with these pictures.”

“Yeah, I know,” Tony confirmed and stroked lovingly over the black and

whites, before he put them away again and shrugged. “But that's my story.”

Something rang on Meredith's desk and the woman sighed before she stood and extended her hand, “We're out of time for today, Tony, but I would like to see you again as soon as possible, alright?”

Tony nodded and watched, a little afraid, as she wrote something down in her notebook. Meredith saw the look,“ I'm only making a note to get some information before we meet again, so that I know what you're talking about, okay?”

“I can give you the number of my doctor in Peoria,” Tony pulled his wallet out and searched in it for the correct card.

“That would be good,” his doctor nodded and accepted the card once Tony had found it. “Thank you, Tony.”

When Tony had left the doctor's office he couldn't help but wonder about what the future would hold for Gibbs, himself and their baby...


	14. Chapter 14

"Hey boss, I'm back,” Tony greeted, and felt a rush of warmth run through his body when Gibbs turned away from the big plasma-screen tv. Gibbs smiled softly just before he growled, “About time, DiNozzo. What took you so long?”

“Sorry, boss, there was an accident on the way here,” Tony replied, and placed his backpack beside his desk, but not before he pulled a large jar of peanut butter and a spoon out of it.

“God, Tony, that's...” Kate made a face when she watched Tony open the lid to get his first spoonful out of it. “You're only eating peanut butter... Are you broke, or something?”

Tony made a blissful face when the spoon found its way into his mouth and Gibbs, who was watching everything from behind his computer, realized that it was the same expression he had worn last night, when he had been pounding into Tony's willing body, and Gibbs started to squirm a little in his seat.

The only answer that Kate received was an, ”mmmh!”, which had her shaking her head in annoyance.

“I swear, DiNozzo, you're disgusting,” Kate groused and jumped a little when Gibbs stood suddenly in front of her.

“Elevator,” Gibbs growled. “Now!”

///*

Abby went down to Autopsy.

Ducky and she were supposed to meet for lunch, and she really couldn't wait any longer; her stomach was already protesting the lack of food.

She had just passed the elevators, when she heard two agents talking. “Is the elevator stuck, or something?” One man asked.

“Or something,” the other man answered.

“It's not moving,” the first man noted unnecessarily, which earned him a loud, long-suffering sigh.

“I know,” the second man answered, and Abby grinned.

“So?”

“It's Gibbs.”

“What's ‘Gibbs?’”

“Are you dumb or something? It’s not a what, but who.”

Abby giggled lightly when she reached Autopsy, forgetting for the moment what a stuck elevator usually meant, and it earned her an amused look from Ducky.

“Ah Abigail, what is so amusing?” Ducky asked, while he slipped into his coat.

Abby giggled again, before she answered, “A Gibbs.”

///*

Kate sighed when, after a few minutes of silence, Gibbs refused to say anything to her.

“So,” Kate started. “Why are we here?”

“Don't know, Kate,” Gibbs answered.

“Don't we have anything better to do than to stand in here?” Kate asked, a anger thick in her voice.

“Probably,” Gibbs confirmed.

“Great,” Kate let herself fall back against a wall and glared at Gibbs. “Why are you doing this?”

Now it was Gibbs' turn to glare at his agent. “You've isolated yourself from the team, Kate, and I wonder why-”

“Nonsense,” Kate pushed away from the wall and stood directly in front of Gibbs.

“Oh?” Gibbs' voice was laced with sarcasm. “So you're telling me that everything is alright? That you don't have a problem with DiNozzo or me?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure, Kate?” Gibbs growled. “Because every word you’ve said to Tony, since you’ve known that he's sleeping with me, were well-placed insults-”

Kate blushed furiously.

“-and I won't listen to your crap any longer. So tell me Kate, is there any reason why you're acting like this?”

“Gibbs... I... I,” Kate stuttered and searched for words.

“No, don't tell me, I don't want to hear it,” Gibbs growled suddenly, when he saw Kate's struggle for an explanation, and hit the switch to get the elevator moving again. “I won't demand anything of you that wouldn't be possible-”

“Why is he still part of our team?” Kate blurted suddenly, and Gibbs hit the switch again and turned blazing eyes to the woman beside him.

“What?”

“I mean, the Agency has this rule against fraternization, right? Why is Tony still on our team?” Kate asked, her eyes showing a bit of uncertainty, but Gibbs admired her for not backing down when he glared even harder at her.

“It's been agreed upon that he wouldn't have to change teams, before he takes his leave,” Gibbs explained in a cold voice.

Why the hell was he explaining that to her?

Kate paled.

She never wanted to have Tony leave the team... or did she?

True, she had the hots for Gibbs, but she could accept that Gibbs had lost his heart to Tony...

… so why the hell was she acting like this?

“Leave? You're telling me that Tony wanted to leave?” Kate asked in a shocked voice.

“No,” Gibbs answered. “He wants to leave the team in a few months.”

Gibbs refused to say anything more than that, but even that had been enough for Kate to make her go pale.

“I don't know what you mean,” Kate said. “Why would Tony want to leave all of the sudden? He never had any problems with my teasing, especially since he's a master at annoying people.”

“He has his reasons,” Gibbs growled, and the look on his face said clearly that he wouldn't answer any more questions.

“Gibbs,” Kate whispered, suddenly hoarse. “I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me, but I promise to do better now.”

Gibbs frowned, before he said, ”I'll give you one last chance, Agent Todd and I really hope that you use it wisely.”

Kate just nodded once and watched Gibbs flip the switch again.

///*

Tony was watching the doors of the elevator with some concern.

Okay, Kate had been bitchy as hell, since that evening at Gibbs' house, but that wasn't something Tony couldn't handle.

Yeah, her words hurt him, but he could always shrug them off when he drove home in the evenings and could snuggle himself into Gibbs' arms.

“Uhm... Tony?” McGee stood in front of his desk and was looking a little uncomfortably at his Senior Field Agent.

“What can I do for you, McStutter?”

“I,” McGee was looking around, like he wanted to make sure that he wasn't overheard by someone, which rang Tony's alarm bells. “I had a talk with Abby yesterday.”

“Well, yeah, Abby tends to talk sometimes,” Tony said. “So?”

“I've been at her apartment and, well, I saw something I shouldn't have-”

“Gee, McVirgin. I hope you didn't faint on her-” Tony interrupted.

McGee blushed, before he hissed, ”Not that!”

“Ooookay,” Tony made a go-on motion with his hand.

“I saw your ultrasound picture.”

Tony went white as a ghost and he pushed himself away from his desk, his heart threatening to jump right out of his chest.

“Tony,” McGee realized that Tony had misunderstood him completely. “I only wanted to let you know, that I know about your baby-” he whispered. “-and I'm alright with it... just like with everything else.”

“What?” asked Tony confused.

“I-I'm with Abby on that,” McGee explained, blushing a little. “She said the only thing that would count was that you and Gibbs were happy and healthy.”

“Abby's a good girl, Probie,” Tony let himself relax and smiled softly at McGee.

“She's special,” McGee agreed, and for once didn't jump in surprise when Gibbs asked from behind him, “Who's special?”

“A-A-Abby, boss.” McGee answered, which earned him a nod from Gibbs, who gave him a sign to follow him when Kate appeared beside him.

“Tony,” Kate began when the two men had left them. “I want to apologize to you for my behavior over the last few days.”

Tony surprised her when he replied, “I'm sorry, too, Kate.”

“You're sorry?” Kate asked surprised. “For what?”

“You have feelings for Gibbs-”

Kate gasped in shock.

“I'm sorry, because I came between you and your dreams with Gibbs,” Tony's eyes were starting to fill with tears.

*Damn hormones* , Tony thought and tried hard to blink them away.

“I- I-,” Kate's eyes were bright with tears, too.

Suddenly she came around the desk and wrapped her arms around Tony and whispered into Tony's ear, “Just promise me to love him for both of us.”

///*

“Boss?” McGee asked, and Gibbs knew what the young Agent wanted to know.

* Why did we leave the bullpen?

What's going on?

Why are we here and not there?*

The, “I know about Tony's baby,” had Gibbs choking on his coffee.

“What?” the older Agent asked, and steered them to a free corner of the coffee-shop.

“I-,” McGee searched for the right words. “Last night I was with Abby and I found an ultrasound picture with Tony's name on it.”

Gibbs glared and McGee hastened to tell him, “Abby didn't tell me anything, boss. She'd been really close mouthed in fact, but I-”

Suddenly the older man seemed to slump into himself.

“Boss?” McGee asked concerned.

“What do you want to hear now, McGee?” Gibbs asked, his voice sounding calm and controlled, which was never a good sign.

“Nothing, boss,” McGee had raised his hands in an attempt to show Gibbs that he didn't mean any harm. “I only wanted to tell you what I've told Tony already.”

Gibbs furrowed his brows, but said nothing.

Whatever it was, he could take it... but when McGee said, “I've told Tony that I'm alright with everything concerning you both,” a huge stone rolled off his chest and he let out the breath, which he didn't know he had held until then.

Gibbs nodded sharply, before he stood from his place and asked, “Want another coffee?”

McGee was surprised, but since he worked with Gibbs he was learning to read between the lines: he was still not perfect, mind you, but he understood the gesture behind that question without any problems. “Sure.”

///*

The bullpen was quiet when Gibbs and McGee returned and the lead agent sighed in relief.

He'd been afraid that once they'd left, Kate and Tony would start to fight in earnest, but instead they were sitting behind their desks and working peacefully.

McGee placed bags on both of their desks, and just when Kate started to unwrap her lunch, the telephone on Gibbs' desk started to ring.

“Gibbs,” the older man bent down to write something on a notepad, before he said, “Thirty minutes,” into the receiver and slammed it down in its cradle again.

“Gear up,” he ordered. “A dead marine was found in the Marine Barracks.”

The whole team began to get ready, Tony included, but, after only a look from Gibbs, he let his shoulders slump and sat down again, his backpack still in his hand and a look of defeat on his face.

“McGee will give you a call once we're there,” Gibbs said, just before he headed over to the elevator.

Tony sighed.

*Damn!*

The call came one hour later and Tony was busy for the next few hours with finding information about Petty Officer John McDiamond, who had been found lying dead behind one of the buildings.

He was so busy that he didn't realize how long he'd worked until Gibbs stood in front of his desk.

“Anything?” Gibbs asked.

Tony nodded and came up from behind his desk to show Gibbs the results.

“Petty Officer John McDiamond, 26 years old, not married, no kids, no living relatives, no outstanding debts-” Gibbs opened his mouth to say something, but Tony ignored him and rushed on,”-but he applied for a loan of 750,000.00 dollars from his bank just last week.”

“That's a lot of money,” McGee noted.

“Yes, it is McCheeky,” Tony said and glared without any heat at the younger agent. “I spoke with someone from his bank and the man said that McDiamond was planning on buying a house and marrying his girlfriend.”

“Do we have a name for this girlfriend?” Gibbs asked looking at the photo of the marine, which was displayed on the plasma.

“Not yet, boss,” Tony replied and shrugged his shoulders when Gibbs turned around to look at him. “There is only so much you can find out via telephone or computer, boss. The only thing that I can tell you is that this woman does not appear anywhere in his records.”

“McGee,” Gibbs went over to his desk.

“Boss?”

“Take Kate and see if one of the neighbors knows anything about this woman.” Gibbs ordered.

“On it, boss,” McGee nodded and Kate grabbed her bag.

“DiNozzo you're with me.”

“Where're we going, boss?” Tony asked, so eager to leave the bullpen that he jumped to his feet.

“Down to Ducky; let's see if he can give us anything.”

Tony stopped, and swallowed thickly, but then he was moving again.

He hadn't been in Autopsy since before he left for Peoria and he wasn't sure if this was such a good idea.

Just when the elevator started to move Gibbs hit the switch and turned to Tony.

“You did good, Tony,” he said and took a hold of Tony's arm to pull him against his body.

“Nothing I haven’t done before,” Tony answered, but didn't resist when Gibbs started to kiss him softly. “Don't start what you can't finish, Jethro.”

“Mmmh,” Gibbs hummed into Tony's mouth, before he stopped abruptly. “You're right.”

He didn't let go of Tony, one of his hands was searching for a way under Tony's clothing, until he could stroke the skin of the younger man's lower abdomen, and Tony groaned loudly.

“Stop,” Tony fought himself free, before he pressed his hand against the bulge in Gibbs' pants, which resulted in a moan. “That's a fantasy of mine.”

Gibbs started to become breathless, but stepped away from that hand, which had felt so good, too good actually...

“What?” Gibbs asked, not really firing on all cylinders right now.

“You, and me, in an elevator,” Tony answered and Gibbs groaned again when a picture of Tony bent forward and getting pounded by him in this elevator rushed through his mind.

Suddenly the elevator started moving again and Tony snickered, when Gibbs glared at him and adjusted his cock in his pants.

“Hold that thought,” Tony whispered seductively.

“You better believe that!” Gibbs growled. “As soon as we're home-”

The elevator opened its doors and they were earning some dark looks from some agents and Gibbs swallowed down the rest of what he wanted to say.

///*

Tony felt squeamish when he saw the doors into Autopsy. The thought of seeing Ducky in his work space with all the blood and other gore had him swallowing hard, and the agent did sigh in relief when Gibbs ordered him to Abby instead.

“-so you see, Mister Palmer, that this tribe did that to ensure-,” Ducky's voice drifted out as soon as the doors slid open and Gibbs stepped in.

“What do you have, Duck,” Gibbs asked the older ME, who paused in his speech and turned to the newcomer.

“Actually something very interesting, Jethro,” Ducky prepared himself for giving Gibbs the same explanation he'd given to Jimmy, but one look from Gibbs and the older man decided that it would be better to stick to the facts.

“Looks like the poor fellow had a rough time before he took his last breath,” Ducky said and stepped around to the dead body on the table, knowing that Gibbs would follow him. “His jaw was broken... also his nose, right wrist and four of the fingers on his right hand.” Ducky pointed down to the man’s legs, “His right knee is twisted and the soles of his feet are sporting burning marks, which are looking like they're the results of electric shocks-”

“He'd been tortured,” Gibbs said.

“Yes, I would say he was. He had bitten off a piece of his own tongue and his stomach contents are showing that he swallowed a lot of his own blood, so I think that the shocks happened a while ago, before he was killed.”

“Someone wanted to know something,” Gibbs concluded, and Ducky looked at him quizzically, before Gibbs said, “He'd tried to inflict as much pain as he could without killing him.”

“Ahh,” Ducky nodded. “Well, in the end whoever did this got either enough information or he got tired, because I've counted a total of eleven stab wounds from a knife approximately 11 cm in length. Two of them were directly aimed at his heart and killed him instantly.”

Gibbs nodded. ”Anything else?”

“Well, aside from the large amount of blood, I also found some lobster and caviar in his stomach as well,” Ducky bent over the dead body again. “Looks like your last meal had been somewhat expensive, my friend.”

When the older ME looked up again he was alone, except for Jimmy, who stood at one side of the room and was watching him. ”Really, Mister Palmer, there is no need to be afraid of Jethro-” the older man rolled his eyes, ”well, except if you are the culprit...”

///*

Abby was working at her desk when Tony came, in and the young woman could easily see that he was fighting not to lose the contents of his stomach.

“Tony, what is it? Is everything alright? Take some nice, deep breaths for me, okay?” Abby jumped up from her chair when she realized that Tony had lost the fight, and she managed to snatch the nearest trash can for him to use.

The retching stopped a few moments later.

“I'm sorry, Abby.” Tony felt somewhat dizzy when he tried to straighten up.

“That's okay, Sweets” Abby said and disappeared out of her office, only to come right back with a bottle of water in her hands.

Tony accepted the bottle gratefully and swished some of it around in his mouth to get rid of the bitter taste.

“What brought that on?” Abby asked, and Tony sighed.

“The idea of going to Autopsy,” Tony answered simply, and smiled. “I'm a wuss.”

Abby growled. “You're not a wuss. It's just your baby, telling you that it doesn't like to see dead people.”

“See dead people? Come on, Abbs... How can it see dead people when it's in here?” Tony pointed to his lower abdomen. “I mean, the baby-”

“Baby?” Kate's voice came from behind them and made both of them jump in surprise. “What baby?”

///*

The only reason why Kate was down here was because she'd forgotten to ask Abby something about their girls night, planned for that evening.

Abby was one of her closest friends since she had started working for Gibbs, and their weekly meetings for dinner were almost like a ritual for both of them.

“I'll ask again,” Kate said, clearly not happy about what went on behind her back. “What baby?”

She watched how Abby lost her deer-in-headlights-look first, and how her face twisted in anger, but before Abby could say something Gibbs' voice echoed through the lab.

“Problems?” he asked and hurried over to Tony, who was as white as a sheet. “What happened?”

“Revolting stomach,” Tony answered and pushed himself into a standing position.

Abby nodded when Gibbs looked at her for confirmation and Gibbs' whole body relaxed somewhat.

“Are you two adopting?” Kate asked, her voice somewhat sharp, and everyone could tell that her patience was wearing thin.

Gibbs saw how hard Tony flinched.

They had talked for hours about how they would tell the team about the baby, and to have it happen now, without any preparation...

Tony's green eyes found Gibbs' blue ones, and Tony gave him a slight nod before he let himself fall into Abby's chair behind the desk.

Gibbs sighed and turned to the only female agent on his team.

“No,” he said. “We're not adopting. Tony is pregnant with my baby-”

“You're kidding, right?” Kate asked, shocked, and saw Tony flinch again in his seat. “He's a man, for God sakes. How can that be possible?”

Abby snorted loudly, fed up with everything; she couldn't help herself and went rushing over to Tony, who was looking like he wanted to disappear between the cushions of the chair.

“You can go to Ducky and let him explain it to you, Kate,” Gibbs answered.

His voice sounded calm and controlled.

“I can't believe it, Gibbs,” Kate started to pace through the lab and Gibbs could hear the soft sound of Abby's office doors sliding shut behind him.

*Good girl,* he thought, and concentrated fully on the distraught woman in front of him.

“He's... he's.... he's TONY,” Kate almost shouted. “Isn't it bad enough that you're sleeping with him? Pregnant? GOD!”

“Agent Todd,” Gibbs stepped directly in front of Kate, and stopped her pacing. “You are walking a thin line just about now-”

Kate poked Gibbs in his chest, ”What about you?” she asked. “How thin is your line?”

Director Morrow, who was walking from the elevator to Autopsy, heard the loud voices and stepped into the lab to see what was happening.

“What's going on in here?” he asked and watched as Kate took a step back from Gibbs.

“Nothing,” Gibbs answered, his eyes never leaving Kate’s.

“You sure, Agent Gibbs?” Morrow asked. “Because, it sure as hell didn't sound like a ‘nothing’ to me.”

Gibbs glared at Kate, before he told her, “Leave, Agent Todd. We'll talk about it later, when you've calmed down.”

Kate huffed, but left with a nod to the director.

Tom Morrow watched how Gibbs turned to the closed doors of Abby's office and signed something with his hands, which got answered back in the same style, before the Goth hit a switch on her desk and the doors opened.

“What happened here,” Morrow wasn't going to let this go until he heard a good explanation for it.

“I'll handle this, Tom,” Gibbs said, trying to sound nonchalant about what had happened, and failing.

“I asked what happened here,” Morrow asked again, but softened his voice when he added, “I want to know as a friend, Jethro, not as the Director.”

Gibbs sighed and watched Abby hug Tony, before the younger man patted the Goth's arm and stood up from the chair.

“Agent Todd found out about Tony's pregnancy-”

“The news didn’t go over well, I take it?” Morrow asked and started to loosen his tie a little around his neck.

“No,” Gibbs confirmed. “It didn't.”

“I'll stay home from now on,” Tony stood just inside the door of Abby's office.

“No,” Gibbs said firmly, but Tony ignored him.

“We'd already planned that I would stay home, when I started to show, so I only am staying home a little earlier than planned... me staying here would only complicate everything.”

“I-” Gibbs tried to say something, but was unable to form the words. He knew that Tony was right. His staying here was bound to end in a catastrophe; not everyone was so open-minded as Abby, Ducky, Tom, or now McGee...

...but that didn't mean he had to like it.

“Jethro,” Tony suddenly stood in front of Gibbs and stroked his face with the back of his hand. “It's for the best, you know that, right?”

“What will you do at home? Alone?” Gibbs asked, and saw a shadow flicker over Tony's face, before the younger man grinned.  
“I think I can keep myself busy.”


	15. Chapter 15

The last few weeks had been busy, with Gibbs and the team still investigating the violent death of McDiamond and Tony going through the files left by his grandfather. He finally visited the house, which was surprisingly close to the town he now lived in.

It was a fantastic-looking house, just like he remembered, with white fences and a big veranda... but he was instantly certain that he wouldn't keep it...

...not because of the size, even though he was sure that this house could swallow Gibbs' house at least two times whole without problems...

...It was because of all the memories becoming vivid again when he took the steps up to reach the dark-colored door. Tony was unable to open it.

“I'm sorry, Grandpa,” Tony whispered to the house. “But it hurts too much.”

The young man turned around and fled.

He stopped at the mall on his way home and found a little shop with baby-things, where he bought his first present for their baby.

It was a small, white pair of baby shoes, with equally small satin laces.

What could he say?

He fell in love with them as soon as he saw them in the window of the shop...

Gibbs was home when he came and that alone surprised the hell out of the younger man.

His lover was not known for leaving work early, especially when they were working an open case...

“Hey,” Tony greeted, and stepped up to Gibbs - who was busy at the stove - to embrace him from behind. “What are you doing here?”

He felt Gibbs shaking slightly.

“Jethro?” Tony tried to turn Gibbs around, but the older man fought his touch and so Tony took a few steps away, giving Gibbs some space.

“You remember the program Abby and McGee set up on my computer to find that SOB who held Ducky hostage?”

*How could I forget that? The man almost killed you that night,* Tony thought, but answered with a simple “Yes.”

It happened a few months ago:

A terrorist held Ducky and his assistant Gerald hostage in Autopsy. Gibbs and Kate went in and when everything was over, Gibbs and Gerald were shot and Gibbs blamed Kate, because she had not been able to kill that SOB when she had the chance.

The man had gotten away that night.

Gerald couldn't come back after that. Officially it was said that he his arm was too damaged to do his job, but Tony knew that was only partially true; Gerald was suffering from a trauma, which made him unable to take a even a simple step into Autopsy.

Gibbs recovered and made it to his own damn vendetta to find that terrorist and, and what? Kill him? Show him the error of his ways?

He'd spent all his free time searching the databases, well, before he had Tony by his side, but even then Tony had the feeling that Gibbs sometimes wanted nothing more than to resume his search.

“His name is Ari Haswari,” Gibbs' voice cut through Tony's memories.

“And?” Tony asked.

“And what?” Gibbs asked and turned around to glare at the younger man.

“What's the plan?” Tony asked and ignored the dark look for now. “You have a plan, right?”

Gibbs stepped up to him and pressed him against the kitchen table.” Yes,” he growled. “But I won't tell you.”

“Oh come on, Gibbs,” Tony groused. “You can't keep me out of it.”

“No?”

“No,” Tony said again, and watched how Gibbs' face went blank. “Don't do that,” Tony pleaded, and shivered when Gibbs pulled away from him and went into the hall.

“Jethro?” Tony called after the older man and couldn't prevent the tears from gathering in his eyes.

“Gibbs!”

He heard a car start and pull away, and let himself fall onto one of the kitchen chairs.

“Please,” he whispered brokenly, to no one in particular.

///*

Kate was doing her job.

And, like always, she was more than one hundred percent focused on it.

She tried to protect Gibbs, didn't leave his side for more than a few moments, afraid of what might happen in she was away any longer than that.

But in the end, it all happened faster than everyone thought it could.

That day on the roof, when she placed herself between Gibbs and that terrorist bastard, she knew exactly what could happen to her and was so thankful that her vest managed to catch the bullet before it could do any harm.

The sun was shining into her eyes, but she couldn't help but laugh in relief that she'd survived.

She imagined how Tony would start to banter with her and realized that now would be the perfect moment to clear the air between herself and Gibbs.

“Gibbs,” Kate started and when Gibbs saw at her she continued. “I want to say how sorry I am for what I said in Abby's lab-”

The 'whoosh' of a bullet beside Gibbs' ear had the older man flinching away a little, and the gruesome sound of a bullet hitting flesh and bone had him freezing up for a moment, and with a mix of surprise and horror he watched Kate fall backwards to the ground.

A puddle of blood was already forming under her head, where the bullet went through.

Gibbs wanted to scream, to throw things, to blame someone, anyone, but instead he drove home, after hours of giving statements and answering questions.

He ignored Tony, who sat on the sofa in front of the fire, and went straight to his basement. There he pulled the bottle of bourbon from the shelves, opened it, and swallowed the burning liquid straight down.

He'd lost an Agent today.

He'd lost a friend, even though their relationship had been strained since that incident at Abby's lab…

He felt the bourbon start to make him lightheaded, and couldn't care less when he saw Tony coming down the steps.

Worry was clearly written on the younger man's face.

“Jethro?” Tony asked in a low voice, and flinched when the bottle was forcefully set down on the workbench.

“Kate's dead,” Gibbs said loudly, his voice already starting to slur.

“What?” Tony asked and Gibbs snorted.

He wanted to hurt someone, because he was hurting himself, so why not let it out on Tony?

“God Tony, you aren't deaf, are you?” Gibbs asked. “I said Kate is dead. Ari killed her.”

“I... I... God!” Tony shook his head.

Granted, he and Kate weren't the best of friends anymore, but that didn't mean that Tony didn't care about her.

“God?” Gibbs shouted suddenly. “God has nothing to do with it. If I hadn't spent so much time with you and had searched for Ari instead, I would have found him sooner and he wouldn't have been able to kill Kate-”

Tony gasped, even though he knew that Gibbs said that because he was hurting, the words still cut deeply.

He turned around and took the steps up, two at a time.

Gibbs watched Tony go and took a hold of the bottle again.

Tony went up to the bedroom and grabbed a blanket and pillow from the bed, before he made his way over to the guest room, which was supposed to become their baby's room when it was born.

He couldn't leave Gibbs here all alone, but he couldn't stand to be blamed either, so he chose the guest room as his retreat and closed the door softly behind himself.

Gibbs stayed downstairs all night and only went upstairs for a shower and a change of clothes before he had to leave the house again, not seeing anything else beyond his own pain.

He didn't even realize that Tony sat at the kitchen table and was watching him leave.

Tony pressed his hand against his lower abdomen, “Don't worry, baby, your Daddy still loves you.”

///*

Nothing changed in the following few weeks.

Gibbs would come home late at night and disappear into the basement; he would ignore every attempt of Tony’s to talk to him, just like he ignored everything else around him.

And God knows, Tony tried to reach through the older man's grief with everything he had, but still...

Three weeks after Kate died Tony packed his bag, defeated after one too many silent treatments from Gibbs, and drove away.

They could call him a lot names, even “slow learner,” but Tony realized that this was a point from which their relationship might not be able to survive...

Not when he was the only one trying...

He'd rented a room in a hotel downtown and had a short argument with himself, about whether he should call Abby to let her know where he was, but decided against it for now.

There would be plenty of time for it later.

///*

Gibbs eyed Ziva David skeptically.

This woman would help him bring Ari down?

Not only that, she talked a lot on the phone, in a language he couldn't understand.

The Mossad officer had arrived this morning and sat behind Kate's desk, like she owned it...

...something that made the hair on his neck stand up in anger.

Granted though, she was good looking.

She had long, black hair and big brown eyes.

Gibbs imagined how Tony would react to her when he met her for the first time, and Gibbs growled at the sudden surge of jealousy that thought inflicted.

Suddenly something in him snapped...

...he realized with a start how he had threatened Tony in the past weeks. He groaned in a mix of shame and anger at himself.

“Jethro?” Ducky appeared in front of Gibbs' desk, holding his coat and hat in his hands.

“Going somewhere, Ducky?” Gibbs asked, and Ducky frowned when he heard a slight hitch in the man's voice.

“Actually yes, my friend,” Ducky replied. “Doctor Jackson just called. Apparently Anthony missed his session this morning.”

“She called you?” Gibbs asked, then stood up from his chair and turned to gather up his coat.

“Well, yes, she said she had tried your cell phone, but hadn't had much luck with it,” Ducky explained.

*Damn!*

Gibbs fished in his pockets for his cell phone and cursed when he saw that it was switched off.

“I'll drive,” Gibbs said when he hurried out.

“I was afraid you would say that,” Ducky replied with a sigh, but followed.

///*

Tony sighed.

In front of him on the table sat his late breakfast and a steaming cup of hot chocolate with a big blob of whipped cream. The pair of white baby shoes was also there, and he held the newest photo of his baby in his hand. “I'm only doing this for you now, baby,” he whispered, and took a hold of the cup with his shaking hands.

He made a face when he swallowed the sweet brew; the thought of eating, or drinking something, was making him nauseous already, even with the medication he had to take against morning sickness.

The doctor had told him that it could happen, especially if his level of stress went higher than normal, and Tony really couldn't say that the last few days had been a walk in the park for him.

Not with Gibbs threatening him like he was something that would normally stick to the soles of your shoes.

Not worth talking to...

Not worth coming home to...

Not worth anything at all...

Tony blinked away the tears and snatched up the black and white picture.

The picture was showing more of his baby now and Tony smiled sadly when he remembered how the doctor had made the picture last week.

“Look at you, baby,” he said. “You're growing so fast now.” He traced the orange-colored mass on the picture with one finger and felt a rush of unbelievable sadness. In a few months that would be his baby.. “Don't worry ‘bout a thing-,” he said, his voice thick with emotion, unable to finish the sentence. He let the picture drop back on the table and started to sob in earnest.

He'd been so excited when he held the ultrasound picture in his hands and had wanted nothing more than to show it to Gibbs.

Gibbs.

Who hadn’t come home that night.

Gibbs.

///*

“Tony?” Gibbs rushed into the house, his heart beating painfully loud in his ears, afraid of what he would find. “Answer me, damn you!”

“I believe he isn't here, Jethro,” Ducky remarked from behind the Agent and Gibbs turned around to say something to the older ME, but stopped when he saw something behind Ducky, on the refrigerator.

It was held there by two bird shaped magnets.

Dark, mixed with white and grey and yellow...

"I'm such an idiot,” Gibbs said loudly and Ducky knitted his brows.

“What are you talking about?” Ducky asked finally, when nothing else was forthcoming from his friend.

“I lost Tony for good now,” Gibbs answered.

“Now,” Ducky tusked. “Why would you say something like that? The boy loves you with everything he has.”

Gibbs paled.

Ducky was one of his oldest friends; if he couldn't tell him, who then?

Gibbs straightened his shoulders only to slump back, when his eyes met Ducky's.

“I said some things I shouldn't have... I... I think... I blamed him for Kate's death,” Gibbs admitted, and watched Ducky look at him in stunned silence, before the older man exploded.

“YOU DID WHAT?”

Gibbs winced.

“Hell, Jethro-,” Ducky growled. “He's in no way able to handle this-”

///*

Tony walked through the park near the hotel and watched the people around him.

With being so early in the day, the people around him were mostly mothers and children, and he smiled softly at a toddler who gave him a toothless grin in return.

The toddler was really cute, with strawberry hair and sparkling eyes, who crawled around and inspected everything with typical childlike curiosity.

Tony watched the interaction between mother and child for some time, relaxing into the warm feeling it gave him, before the woman realized that she'd been watched and disappeared.

///*

A few hours later:

Gibbs paced through his house, from the kitchen, through the hall, and into the living room where Ducky sat.

“Where could he be,” Ducky asked.

“I don't know,” Gibbs said after he glared at the clock for a few moments. Gibbs had noted that only a few of Tony's things were missing, but that didn't mean anything.

Especially since he knew that Tony could buy himself everything he needed when he needed it...

Ducky looked at his pocket watch and sighed. “We will find him, Jethro. I'm sure Abigail only needs a few minutes more to get a lead on him, but-” the older man rose from his seat. “I'm afraid I have to leave now.”

Gibbs just nodded and watched the older man go. He wondered if he should drive to NCIS, if he should search for Tony himself, but then the his cell rang.

The older man snatched it up.

“Gibbs.”

“Hey, boss man,” Abby's voice came over the line. “I found Tony. He used his card to pay for a room in a hotel downtown.”

His mind went blank.

How should he resolve this problem, now that he knew where Tony was?

Gibbs sighed.

Give him a bad guy to catch...

...a cold case to solve...

...someone to protect...

...how could he make Tony understand that he hadn't been himself in the weeks since Kate's death?

How could he explain that what he had said to Tony was said in grief and anger, and not true at all?

How could he?

“You know?” Abby asked and Gibbs realized that he still held the receiver against his ear. “Ypou should drive down there and get your man, bossman. I’m sure-”

'Wish it were that easy,' Gibbs thought and answered softly. “Go and get some sleep now, Abbs.”

“He’s waiting for you-” Abby said. “I’m sure.”

“Say goodnight, Abbs.”

“Goodnight, Abbs.”

Wearily Gibbs made his way down to his boat.

Too wired out for sleep, he gathered some of the tools he would need, and stopped when he remembered the picture in his breast pocket.

He pulled it out and tacked it on part of the wooden frame of his boat, before he head-slapped himself hard and growled, “Idiot.”

Gibbs started to work, until the radio played the farm report at four in the morning. When he finally stopped he heard the sound of movement coming from above and tensed.

*Tony,* his heart shouted, but his mind refused to believe it and his gut screamed *ENEMY* at him, until he watched the black haired man from his nightmares come down the stairs.

///*

Tony lay in his bed and felt a sudden frisson of fear spreading through his body.

He rolled out of bed and dressed as quickly as he could, ignoring the nausea, which rushed over him.

Somehow he knew that he had to get to Gibbs.

///*

The shot rang out and Gibbs was sure that this was his last moment on this earth, but then he saw Ari fall- a look of disbelief on the terrorist's face.

He looked upstairs to where to shot had to have come from, and gasped when he saw Ziva David kneeling at the landing.

Tears were running down her face.

“David?” Gibbs asked and walked slowly in her direction, a little shocked about the events that had just occurred.

“I couldn't let him shoot you,” Ziva sobbed, and slid down to the ground. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

Gibbs blinked in surprise.

Why was she apologizing?

“It's alright,” he whispered and took the stairs two at a time, until he stood directly in front of her. “Nothing to be sorry for, Officer David.”

Ziva shook her head,” You... You don't understand... he... he was my brother.”

///*

Tony reached the house, just when Ducky and Jimmy Palmer came out of the door with a stretcher between them.

“Anthony, my boy,” Ducky greeted. “I'm so glad to see you.”

“Wh- What happened? Is this-” Tony paled when he imaged Gibbs in the body bag.

“What?” Ducky asked confused, but then he understood and hastened to reassure Tony. “Good lord, no my boy, that is Ari not Gibbs.”

“Not Gibbs?” Tony asked again and smiled shyly when Ducky nodded again. “Is he okay? Where is he?”

“He's in there,” Ducky pointed to the door. “Why don't you go in there and convince yourself that he’s alright?”

“I don't think I'm welcome in there anymore, Ducky,” Tony said, with so much sadness in his voice.

“Don't be silly, Anthony,” Ducky chided. “He's in there, waiting for you.”

Tony straightened his back and looked to the door where a redheaded woman now stood, and said something to the man beside her.

“Who's that?” Tony asked, and this time it was Jimmy who answered.

“That's Director Shepard. She replaced Director Morrow a while ago.”

“Oh right.”

Director Morrow had visited him and told him that he'd been offered a job as an assistant director for Homeland Security, and that he had decided to take it...

“Go on, Anthony,” Ducky encouraged. “He needs you now.”

Policemen and agents were standing around everywhere, but Tony ignored them until he reached the kitchen and found Gibbs, Director Shepard and an unknown woman. The woman was wrapped into one of their blankets. Tears were running down her face, and Tony watched how Gibbs was patting her hand, and a new wave of pain ran through his body.

Why could he touch HER, but wasn’t able to touch HIM?

Gibbs' head shot up when he realized that someone was watching them, and his heart almost stopped when he saw Tony standing there.

“Tony,” he breathed.

“I only-” Tony shook his head. And Gibbs had the sinking feeling that, if he didn’t do something now, Tony would be gone any second.

The older man rose swiftly from his chair and walked over to the younger man.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come,” Tony stammered and turned around.

Gibbs could move fast when he wanted to, and now he wanted nothing more than to keep Tony from leaving again.

Tony jumped a little in surprise when he felt a hand on his arm.

“I'm glad you're here,” Gibbs said softly, and pulled the younger man against his chest.

“Who's this, Jethro? Are you holding out on me?” Director Shepard asked, and Gibbs turned them around to face her.

“Director Jenny Shepard this is my significant other, Anthony DiNozzo,” Gibbs glared at the woman when she gasped in surprise.

“He's-”

“My lover, yes,” Gibbs confirmed, and tightened his grip on Tony when he felt the younger man flinch. “If you'll excuse me? We need a moment in private.”

Director Shepard nodded and walked back into the kitchen.

Gibbs pulled Tony into the living room, and a sharply barked “Out!” had the room free of any bystanders in no time at all.

The older man pressed Tony onto the couch and sat down close enough to him to prevent Tony from leaving.

“I can't tell you how sorry I am for threatening you like I did, Tony,” Gibbs started, but saw how Tony began to shake his head. “What I've done is inexcusable.”

Tony tried to say something, but was shocked into silence when he saw two, big, fat tears running down on Gibbs' cheeks. “Forgive me?” Gibbs asked. “Please, Tony. Forgive me.”

Tony shook his head, his own eyes filling with tears.

*Now or never*, Gibbs thought and let himself slip from the couch and his knees hit the carpet in front of Tony.

“I can't and I don't want to live without you,” Gibbs pleaded.

Suddenly Gibbs knew what he had to do.

“Marry me,” he said and Tony gasped.

“W-W-What?”

“Marry me,” Gibbs repeated. “We'll drive up to Canada and marry and-”

“It wouldn't count here,” Tony countered. “And why all of the sudden? I mean, yesterday you wouldn't even look at me and now you want to marry me?”

Gibbs nodded, his eyes still shining with tears not yet spilled.

Gibbs took Tony's hand. “I-I ...”

For the first time since Tony knew Gibbs he watched the older man struggle to find the right words, before Gibbs simply started to talk straight from the beginning.

When he'd finished, his legs were hurting from not moving so long, but he refused to leave his place in front of Tony, before he knew how Tony would react to everything he had heard.

“Why- why didn't you tell me before?” Tony asked. “I tried to give you time, to not stand in your way, or press you into something, but-but I couldn't take it anymore. I- it hurt too much-”

“God, Tony,” Gibbs said and pulled hard at the hands in his, until Tony had slipped to the floor between himself and the couch. “Marry me,” the older man whispered again and started to kiss him. “I love you.”

Tony tried to stay hard, to show Gibbs that he needed more than those five words, but hell... it felt good to be held like this... kissed like this.

“Please say yes,” Gibbs pleaded. “Whatever you need to make me prove that I mean it, I will do it, but please say yes.”

Tony knitted his brows together. “Anything?”

“Yes.”

“So you'll agree to come with me to Doctor Jackson and talk to her about what happened?” Tony asked.

“You know how I think about shrinks,” Gibbs shot out before he could think about it and regretted it instantly when he saw the look on Tony's face.

“Well, then-” Tony said and tried to push Gibbs away.

“I will,” Gibbs said hastily and held on Tony, who paled suddenly. “I will come with you, and we'll figure it out. I promise.”

“Move,” Tony ordered.

“Tony,” Gibbs voice changed into almost pleading.

Tony shook his head and tried to push Gibbs away again. ”You need to move now.”

Tony started to retch, and Gibbs cursed when he realized that Tony wasn't rejecting him, but his morning sickness was rearing its ugly head.

Tony watched how their fern, well cared for since Tony had stayed at home, flew through the air and the flower pot was thrust into his hands just when he couldn't hold back the bile anymore.

When Tony was finished, he let himself fall back against the couch and started to chuckle, “ I want to see Doctor Jackson's face when we tell her that we're getting married.”

“Does that mean-” Gibbs asked, and when Tony nodded he started to smile.

“I've missed that,” Tony said.

Gibbs looked a little confused, before he asked, ”What?”

“Your smile.”

Gibbs bent over him and tried to kiss him, but Tony moved his head away. “That's gross, Jethro. I just puked.”

“Right,” Gibbs nodded. “Why don't you go upstairs and lie down for a while?”

Tony nodded and smiled gratefully when Gibbs helped him stand up.

Then Tony saw something poking out of Gibbs' breast pocket and when he reached to get it, Gibbs beat him to it.

“It's beautiful,” Gibbs said, holding the picture of their baby in his hands.

“Yes, it is,” Tony agreed.

///*

“Do you think you're now going to be accepted on his team” Shepard asked Ziva, who shrugged.

“It sure helped,” Ziva's smile was cold. “Can I leave now?”

“Soon,” Shepard replied. “I'll send someone in to take your statement first.”

“What do you think of that man?” Ziva asked, when she followed Shepard's gaze into the living room where Gibbs and Tony were standing.

“Not a problem,” Shepard answered.  
*I hope.*


	16. Chapter 16

Tony hissed when the fabric of his favorite dress shirt came into contact with his nipples.

“What is it?” Gibbs asked; he'd been on his way to the bathroom when he’d heard Tony hiss.

“Nothing,” Tony answered, and made a face when he tried to pull the shirt away from his chest. “My nipples are a little sensitive today.”

The younger man clenched his jaw and tried to ignore the sharp pain, but he didn't fight Gibbs, who pulled the offending material off again to have a look.

Suddenly Tony felt a very soft touch on one of his breasts.

“They're swelling,” Gibbs whispered, his voice filled with awe.

Tony nodded.

He was feeling it, too.

The soft swelling under his nipples, which were growing daily.

That, and that his skin felt a lot softer than before and every touch felt more sensual... more erotic... Even now, with Gibbs that near him, and with one of the older man's hands gently cupping one of his hurting breasts, he was feeling white-hot desire spiking in him.

Tony groaned; Gibbs smiled at the noise his lover made when he traced the head of one nipple with the tip of his finger.

“God,” Tony moaned, his fingers clenching and unclenching in the fabric of the bed sheets.

“You're so beautiful like this,” Gibbs whispered hotly and bent down to place one hot, wet kiss on Tony's lips; he groaned when he felt how his own cock protested its

restrains, and gasped when Tony tried to pull him on top of himself.

“Please Jethro,” Tony pleaded.

“What Tony? Tell me-” Gibbs demanded. “- tell me what you want.”

“Fuck me,” Tony ordered breathlessly, and pushed his crotch against the older man.

“No,” Gibbs pulled himself out of reach of the younger man, and looked directly into Tony's lust-filled green eyes.

The younger man was staring at him, confused and utterly adorable. “I won't fuck you, Tony. Never, you hear me? I will love you,” Gibbs whispered. “Slow and easy, or hard and fast, but I won't ever simply fuck you.”

Tony's eyes were filling with tears again, but both men ignored it, because Tony spread his legs and whispered, “Love me slow.”

Gibbs nodded, before he pulled Tony's boxers down and took an unobstructed look at Tony's cock, which stood proud and red and was already leaking pre-cum.

The older man licked his lips.

“Come on, Jethro, don't make me wait,” Tony pleaded.

“I'm not,” Gibbs replied. “I'm just enjoying the view.”

Suddenly, the telephone beside the bed started to ring and Tony smacked the bed in frustration. “Damn it,” he cursed and shivered when he felt Gibbs move away from him.

He heard Gibbs answer the phone, equally frustrated.

The younger man turned to his side away from Gibbs, and shivered again when cold air rushed over the sweaty skin on his back. He gasped in surprise when he felt the bed moving behind him, and a hot hand started to stroke over his cooling skin.

 

“Yeah, I understand,” Gibbs said to whoever was at the other side of the line.

Tony sighed softly when he felt Gibbs’ hand wander down and to his front to make contact with his cock again, and turned back on his back to give Gibbs easier access.

And saw, through half closed eyes, how Gibbs was watching him.

Gibbs' eyes burned with desire.

“No, the Simpson case went over to Murphy's team... Yeah well, that's not really our problem-” Gibbs smirked when Tony gasped in pleasure, after he wrapped his calloused

hand a little tighter around Tony's erection.

“I don't think that will be necessary-” Gibbs started to stroke Tony slowly up and down, his dry hand making just the right kind of friction to get Tony bucking on the bed in pain and pleasure. “I won't be coming in today, Jenny,” Gibbs growled into the receiver and Tony almost stopped breathing in surprise.

*Jenny? As in Jenny Shepard? The Director Shepard?*

Suddenly Gibbs bent down, and Tony felt something soft, wet and warm slipping over one of his nipples. His eyes, which he didn't notice he had closed, shot open and stared at Gibbs, whose tongue was busy twirling around his right breast. That was all it took to make him explode with a loud gasp.

His vision went white, and his cock felt like it wouldn't stop pulsing for some time, and Tony was bending and bowing on the bed in pure pleasure.

Finally, when all Tony could do was gasp for breath, he looked down at Gibbs and Gibbs looked up at him...

...and Gibbs was grinning at him...

Tony could hear Director Shepard's voice coming through the receiver,”“Jethro? Jethro? Answer me-”

Tony couldn't care less. He felt warm, and so loved at this very moment that the woman could stand directly beside the bed for all he cared.

Gibbs rolled to his side and answered the Director, when the woman threatened to come over and check on him, “Why are we having this kind of conversation on a Sunday?...Yeah, well, I've changed... That's none of your business, Madame Director.”

Gibbs growled suddenly, and Tony winced when he heard how cold Gibbs' voice had become when he spoke again. “Like I said Madame Director, it's Sunday and even I'm entitled to have a private life once in a while... See you on Monday, Madame Director.”

He stressed the word Madame, until it sounded more like an insult than a title.

*Good thing that there are no birds out there at the moment, or they would drop out of the sky like rocks if they got hit by that look,* Tony thought when he watched Gibbs glare out the window, before Gibbs threw the telephone across the room and into a chair, where it landed unharmed with a little bounce.

“God damn that woman,” Gibbs cursed.

Tony took a hold of the arm nearest him and pulled softly, until the older man lay flat on his back beside him.

“Tell me,” Tony demanded, but Gibbs shook his head. “Come on, Jethro. No secrets, remember?”

“I remember.”

*How could I forget,* Gibbs thought, letting himself fall down on his back beside Tony, then he pulled the younger man until Tony's head rested on his chest, and Gibbs

stroked through the soft brown hair.

“Jenny was my partner a few years ago,” Gibbs sighed. “I should have known better, but-”

“She's the reason for Rule 12?” Tony asked, without turning his head.

“Yes.”

“Mmmh... Tell me more.”

“Nothing much to tell you,” Gibbs stopped the stroking. “We had an affair for a few months, until Jenny got her own team in Detroit.”

“Are you regretting that you two didn't stay together?”

“No, I'm not regretting anything, Tony,” Gibbs pulled Tony's body tighter against his own. “The affair was a long, long time ago, and each of us has changed a lot since then.”

///*

Jenny Shepard looked over at the young woman who sat in one of her armchairs, who was watching everything with big, brown eyes.

“I want him back,” she said, her eyes sparkling with anger.

“I understand that he's already in a committed relationship, Jenny?”

“In a gay, committed relationship,” Jenny jumped up from her chair and walked over to her wet bar. “I'm wondering, what does this man have that a woman can't give him?”

Ziva joined Shepard and shrugged. “Maybe he simply likes to take it up his ass?”

'Crack!'

The slap came without any warning, and Ziva cradled her suddenly burning cheek.

“Don't talk about him like that, Ziva,” Shepard rebuked her. “Whatever this man has has to be something that's pressuring Jethro into sleeping with him.”

Ziva shook her head. “Do you really think that, Jenny?”

Ziva wondered if she really knew the woman, who was standing in front of her and whom she'd called friend for so long.

The woman was fast losing her grip on reality.

“Yes,” Shepard turned to Ziva. “Yes, I think so and more. I think that this man has to disappear as soon as possible.”

///*

Abby was dancing through her apartment.

She'd been in this kind of good mood, since she'd found the cream colored envelope in her mail yesterday.

Finally!

Finally!!

Finally!!!

She danced over to the coffee table and opened the envelope again to have another look at the equally cream colored card inside.

It was lovely.

It read:

We, Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Anthony D. DiNozzo, are getting married on October 31th on Prince Edward Island, Canada, at 1pm.

The wedding will be held by Reverent Jason Dwight.

Meeting point will be at Dulles Airport, in Washington D.C., at 29th October at 6pm

…

Abby sighed and pulled the card against her chest.

“Still happy, huh?” McGee's voice came from behind her and made her smile even wider.

“Oh yes,” she confirmed.

McGee had received one of the invitations too, and Abby couldn't help feeling proud, which made her chest swell like nothing else.

“Can't help myself,” Abby said and turned around to extend one of her hands to McGee. “I'm feeling like I could burst in happiness for them.”

McGee nodded, before he pulled her up and into his arms, “My very special, happy lady.”

“Timmy,” Abby laughed. “That sounds kind of sappy, you know?”

“Yeah,” McGee grinned. “I don't care.”

He pulled her along in the direction of the bedroom, “Let's see if I can't make you burst with other things, too.”

“MCGEE!!!”

///*

Ducky stood in front of his living room window and watched the weather outside.

It had started to rain a few minutes ago, but this time he didn't feel depressed.

The cream colored card was lying on the mantel, and it made him smile.

Finally, two souls are becoming one...

“Donald, my boy,” his mother had stepped up to him. “You are thinking too hard, my love.”

“No mother,” Ducky shook his head. “For the first time in a long while I’m think only light thoughts.”

“Why?” His mother had always been noisy, and Ducky smiled when he steered her over to one of the armchairs.

“I received an invitation for a wedding-”

“Oh, how beautiful,” the woman clapped her hands with joy. “That's fantastic.”

“Yes, indeed it is,” Ducky nodded.

“Who's getting married?” his mother asked.

“Jethro and Tony,” Ducky answered and smiled when his mother’s face twisted in confusion, before she started to smile.

“True love comes in all possible types, my boy, all possible types...”

The woman drifted off into her own little world again, and Ducky sighed in sadness.

He was forced to watch helplessly as his mother degraded over time, until the only thing that remained would be a hollow shell.

“It is all right, you know?” Ducky had asked. “I still love you, no matter what will happen.”

His mother turned to look at him, but Ducky realized that she didn't see HIM, but instead something from their past. He bent forward and placed a light hand on one of the

thin legs of his mother, and felt something warm spread through his heart when she smiled at him, but he lost that feeling again when she bent forward and whispered,

“Donald's daddy will be home soon,” she told him in confidence; Ducky swallowed against the knot his throat.

His father had been dead for more than forty years now.

“No mother, he won't,” he whispered back and watched another wave of confusion run over his mother’s face, before she jumped up from the armchair. “I think I will go and

tend to the roses.”

Ducky let his head drop on his chest for a moment, before he straightened his back and smiled at his mother, “Have fun, mother.”

///*

They had slept for some time, until the growling of Gibbs' stomach woke Tony, who snickered and tried to push himself away from Gibbs.

Gibbs moved blindingly fast and had Tony pinned underneath him, before the younger man was able to make a sound.

“You didn't want to leave this bed without me, did you?” Gibbs asked, and nipped Tony's jaw playfully.

“You're hungry,” Tony started, and gasped when he felt Gibbs' clever hands running down his body. “You're really skilled.”

Tony spread his legs and felt Gibbs slide between them.

“Skilled?” Gibbs asked between kisses.

“Yeah, ohhhh-” Tony couldn't say anymore after a dry fingertip began to circle the outer ring of his hole.

The snapping of the lube had Tony moaning in anticipation and Gibbs smiled, before he coated his fingers with the slippery substance and started to open Tony with the loving

care he deserved.

Tony gasped when he was rolled to his side, “What?” he felt Gibbs press his body against his back, but couldn't do much anything before he got filled by Gibbs.

Tony sighed in pure bliss and relaxed his body until he could feel that Gibbs couldn't go any deeper.

“You feel so perfect,” Gibbs whispered into Tony's ear, and started to move slowly, and his hand began to stroke and fondle Tony's whole body as far as he could reach.

///*

Jenny Shepard sent Ziva home, and then waited long enough to watch the young Mossad officer disappear out of her house, before she went into the locked room at the end of

the first floor...

…the first thing that greeted her when she got the door open were Gibbs' blue eyes, painted in oil.

A professional artist had painted the portrait from the copy of an old photo she'd kept in her possession, dating from their shared time in France.

Jenny smiled and went over to the old rocking chair, which was kept facing the painting, and sat down heavily, before she looked up to the man. The portrait was looking down

at her with a soft smile on his lips. “Whatever it takes, Jethro,” she vowed. “You'll be mine again, and nothing and nobody will ever stand between us.”

///*

Moans, gasps, and panting and the rhythmic slapping of skin against skin filled the bedroom, only interrupted by occasional softly spoken words.

Tony pressed himself tighter against Gibbs’ chest and tried to grasp the older man's head without losing the contact he already had. Gibbs nipped on Tony's neck and one of his hands started to play with one of the softly swollen breasts.

“Oh... Oh... Oh god, Jethro,” Tony whimpered and felt Gibbs smile against his neck, before he let his hand wander lower until it lay flat against Tony's lower abdomen. There it was joined by Tony's hand.

“I... I... I love you so much,” Gibbs whispered, and quickened his movements until he was pounding as hard as he could into Tony's body. Tony could only hang on for the ride.

The climax, when it finally came, was earth shattering.

Tony exploded first, with his only sound being a soft gasp. Gibbs moved a few times more before the contracting of Tony's insides wrenched the orgasm out of him, and he exploded in huge hot spurts that triggered another small climax out of Tony.

///*

Monday came sooner than both men really wanted it to, and found Gibbs and his team busy with a new case. The director's phone call was the last thing on Gibbs' mind for now, but not entirely forgotten.

In the meantime, Tony's days were filled with appointments with his doctors. First was his session with the shrink, and Tony would never openly admit it, but the sessions

were like a balm for his still very raw soul... they and Gibbs' love, which he now believed was more than only some hollow words to give him what he wanted.

After his meeting with the psychiatrist, Tony drove over to the private clinic.

Doctor Ashley wanted to have some blood work done, to make sure that the baby was as healthy as it should be, and, truthfully, Tony was more than a little afraid that something would go wrong with it.

He loved it too much already...

Tony shook his head when the door opened and the woman stepped into the room.

“Tony,” the doctor greeted. “How are you on this fine Monday?”

“I'm fine, doc,” Tony said. His fear was making him closemouthed, and the doctor nodded in sympathy.

“We'll make it fast, Tony. Don't worry,” she patted the man's arm. “It's only a precaution for us.”

Tony nodded, “I know that, doc. But still-”

“I know, honey,” Doctor Ashley smiled and started to roll Tony's shirtsleeve up. “The results will take a few days. When we're finished here, I want you to lie flat on your

back today and drink lots of fluids-”

“Why? You're only taking a little blood, right?” Tony's fear grew.

“Yes, but I want to take some amnionic fluid, too.”

“Amnionic fluid?” Tony gasped. “You mean you'll stick a needle into-”

“Your amnionic sac, yes,” the doctor said when she pushed a needle into the vein in Tony's elbow.

“Shit!” cursed Tony, but endured everything fairly well, at least until he saw the very long needle the doctor wanted to use.

“I... I can't do that, doc,” he said, and watched the doctor put the needle away again, before she stepped up to him.

“Tony,” she said in a soft, understanding voice. “I know this needle scares you-”

Tony snorted loudly and tried to roll off the table he was lying on.

“-but I swear it will only feel like a very short sting for you. I had it done myself when I was pregnant with Claire and I promise you, you won't feel more than a very

slight discomfort.”

“Why? Why do you need to do that?” Tony asked, his hands still shaking.

“It will give us a better overview of the health of your baby.”

Tony drove home, feeling a little shakier than normal. The sight of that very long needle would probably haunt him in his nightmares for some time, but then again...

...the picture in his breast pocket made everything quite bearable.

His cell phone rang while Tony was turning the car into the driveway of the house.

“Hi,” he answered it, knowing very well that it would be Gibbs.

“Is that the way you're answering your phone these days?” Gibbs asked, somewhat irritated.

“Only when I know it's you calling me,” Tony answered easily, and climbed out of the car with a little less grace than was normal for him.

“Everything alright?” Gibbs asked, and Tony could hear him moving over the phone.

“Yeah,” Tony answered. “Well, nothing a few nightmares and an extra appointment with my shrink can't cure.”

“Nightmares? Why nightmares? What happened?”

Tony grimaced when he realized that that one wrong word could catapult Gibbs into orbit right now. “I had some tests today.”

“What tests?” Gibbs used the voice he normally only used for suspects.

“You know? The usual,” Tony replied calmly. “Blood tests and...” he mumbled the rest, but it didn't help, because Gibbs exploded anyhow.

“She did WHAT?”

Tony winced. He was sure that even Mrs. Blackberry across the street could hear that, and the woman was almost as deaf as she was blind.

“She used a long needle to get some of the amniotic fluid for testing,”

Tony could still feel the sting in his abdomen, where the needle had pressed into his body, and gasped when he tried to bend down to retrieve the newspaper from the steps up to the door.

“Where are you?” Gibbs asked, and sounded like he was getting ready to leave NCIS.

“I'm just coming home,” answered Tony, and he felt a wave of relief when the door opened and he could get rid of his coat and backpack.

“Lie down,” Gibbs ordered. “I'll be home in a few.”

“You don't need to-” Tony began, but the beep- beep- beep of the phone had him looking stunned at the handset for a moment, before he chuckled. “You're daddy's in

papa-bear-mode, little tyke,” Tony went over to the refrigerator to get himself a bottle of water. “I'm really interested to see his face when I show him the photo the doc took of you..”

When Gibbs reached the house, barely thirty annoying minutes later, because of some really slow driver in front of him, he was treated to the sight of Tony sleeping on the couch with a warm water bottle on his lower abdomen, and his face pressed into a pillow Gibbs recognized as his own from the bedroom.

The older man smiled and wished he could take a photo, until he remembered that he could do just that with his cell phone.

McGee had showed it to him a few weeks ago...

'Click!'

It even made the same noise as a real camera, and Gibbs grinned when the picture flashed on the small screen a millisecond later.

He would ask Abby to print it out for him in the morning.

The older man went over to the kitchen and smiled softly when he found that Tony had left a cup on the counter for him; it was in the usual spot Gibbs preferred to drink his

coffee from, just beside the sink in front of the small window facing the backyard.

He shook the thermos, and the sloshing in it had him sighing thankfully.

Gibbs filled his cup and inhaled the deep, rich fragrance; he growled in annoyance when the phone started to ring just before he took his first sip.

He went over to the phone to answer it, before he realized that the cordless wasn't there...

“'ello?” Tony's mind, still a little fogged from sleep, needed a moment to realize that someone was talking to him and that that someone sounded like the Director of

NCIS.

The very pissed off Director of NCIS who demanded to talk to Gibbs...

“Hang on a sec,” Tony lifted his arm holding the phone and Gibbs took a hold of the receiver.

The following conversation was short and angry sounding, before Gibbs slammed the phone back on its station.

“Why's she pissed at you?” Tony asked and tried to roll off the couch, but was stopped by Gibbs.

Gibbs shrugged. “Maybe I forgot to tell her that I would need the rest of the day off.”

“You took the day off?” Tony felt... he didn't know how he felt about that, but something warm was burning through his body. “You don't need to stay with me, Jethro. It's only been-”

“Don't talk me out of it, Tony,” Gibbs interrupted.

Couldn't Tony see that he needed to be there for him?

The smiling face of a heavily pregnant Shannon appeared in front of his eyes and his heart started to pound.

Her voice was soft, “No secrets remember, Leroy?”

Gibbs felt guilty because he had never told Tony about Shannon and Kelly... never told him the one big secret which still lay like a stone on his heart, even fifteen years later.

“Jethro?” Tony's voice cut through Gibbs’ thoughts, and the older man sat down heavily on the coffee table in front of Tony.

“Tony,” Gibbs placed a hand on the side of Tony's face and started to stroke it lovingly. “I've got to tell you something.”

The younger man watched how Gibbs paled a little and nodded, before he sat up on the couch and patted the free cushion beside himself.

“There's something... I... Do you remember, when we promised each other to never keep secrets?”

Tony simply nodded, feeling that it would be easier for Gibbs if he kept silent for now.

“I've not been truthful with you then,” Gibbs went over to the bookshelves and moved some books aside until he could reach behind them; he pulled a old-looking photo album

out.

Tony paled. His insecurities showed their ugly heads when a small voice in his head started to sing, “He's breaking up with you, he's breaking up...”

Gibbs claimed back his seat and handed the album over to Tony, who looked ready to bolt, and Gibbs couldn't really blame him, he too felt the urge to run into his basement,

away from the world, away from himself.

“What's this,” Tony asked in a small voice.

Great question, dumb ass!

“These are some photos I want to show you,” Gibbs steeled himself and opened the top and heard Tony's gasp of surprise which had him flinching.

The first photo was from his and Shannon's wedding, and both of them were grinning broadly into the camera. Even after all these years was Gibbs feeling the sharp sting of loss in his heart.

“You're married?!” Tony whispered brokenly, tears gathering in his eyes, but still he couldn't look away from the photo. Gibbs looked so happy in it, and the woman looked like a redheaded angel.

Gibbs' hands were shaking when he turned the page, and there Shannon was waving into the camera from the veranda on one side and smiling proudly, and completely covered in mud on the next.

“She'd wrestled with the neighbor's kids that day and won, even though she had to scrub herself for hours after that to get all the mud off her skin,” Gibbs explained, his voice getting thick with emotion. “Her... her name was Shannon... I met her in my hometown when I was on my way back to the base. I... I married her two years later, when I came back from a mission.” Gibbs took a deep breath and shook his head. “I was still in the service then and had to leave her behind a lot, but she never complained about it, just.... just... She would wait on the steps to the house when I was supposed to arrive home again.” Tears were running freely now over both men’s faces. “I was married to her for almost nine years,” Gibbs spoke again, he couldn't stop, even when he wanted to. “She got pregnant a few months after our marriage,” he searched through the album until he found a small photo of Shannon in a hospital bed with Gibbs on her side and a small bundle wrapped into a pink blanket in her arms.

“A girl?” Tony asked, tracing the outlines of the happy family with one of his fingers.

Gibbs nodded, “We called her Kelly-” suddenly the album was slammed shut and Gibbs rose from his seat. “I... I never wanted to keep it a... a secret, but-”

Tony rose from his seat too and went over to the windows, “What happened with them? I... I mean-” Tony started to wrap his arms around himself.

“They were killed three weeks after we celebrated Kelly's eight birthday.”

Gibbs answered the unspoken question and let himself fall back on the couch again, and he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“How?” Tony asked. His inner voice screaming at him that he didn't want to know.

“Murdered,” Gibbs' voice broke at this word, and the older man had to swallow a few times to prevent the tears from falling again. “They were murdered by a Mexican drug dealer named Pedro Hernandez, after Shannon saw something she shouldn't have.”

Tony closed his eyes, feeling a deep sense of sadness for the happy family that had been broken apart so brutally. “I'm sorry,” Tony said, and knew that it wouldn't help much.

Gibbs stood directly in front of the younger man, when Tony opened his eyes, his blue eyes swimming in tears.

“Can you forgive me?” Gibbs asked, and watched Tony frown before he nodded.

“I... they were beautiful,” Tony said and he smiled a shaky smile, and then was gathered into Gibbs' arms. “Why didn't you have their photos hanging somewhere? They're too precious to put them away somewhere.”

“I never thought about that,” Gibbs admitted.

“Did they get him?”

Gibbs' heart stopped.

No secrets...

“Yes,” Gibbs answered slowly and admitted, “I killed him.”

The older man was unable to breathe, unable to think, afraid of what would happen next...

Tony slipped out of the embrace, his face a mask... his beautiful eyes unreadable...

Gibbs watched Tony pull a small piece of paper out of his breast pocket and had a look at it, and the older man recognized it as a new ultrasound picture of their baby.

The younger man took Gibbs' hand and placed the picture inside it, before he surprised the hell out of Gibbs when he said, “Good.”

One of Gibbs' eyebrows shot up.

“I know I shouldn't say that, but I'm glad he won't be able to come back,” Tony said and watched Gibbs fix his gaze on the picture in his hands. “I'm glad he won't be able to come back and hurt our boy.”

Gibbs' eyes were spilling over when he saw the contours of their baby, the right side of the skull, the spine, the right arm and right leg and the evidence that this little one was indeed a boy.

///*

The next morning found Gibbs in a bad mood at work. Nightmares had haunted him for half the night, until he gave up on the idea of sleeping and went into his basement

instead to work on his boat. And, as if that wasn't bad enough, his favorite coffee shop was closed down because of a broken pipe and the agent was tempted, really tempted,

to kick the doors in and kidnap a barista.

He felt someone watching him from above and looked up, just in time to see Jenny turn her back to him, and the man frowned.

His gut starting to churn uncomfortably.

What was that woman up to?

///*

Evening came slowly, but when it came and Gibbs could finally step into his home, it was to the sight of burning candles and the mouth watering smell of Italian food, but

what stopped the older man in his tracks in the middle of the living room was the sight of three photos standing on the fireplace.

The first one showed Gibbs and Shannon sitting on a bench in a park, smiling at each other, taken by some photographer. Gibbs remembered that day clearly. The sun on their skin, Shannon's light laughter and the smell of flowers and grass all around them.

The second one was the picture of their wedding, and the third one was of him, Shannon, and the newborn Kelly in the hospital bed.

All of them situated in wooden frames and with burning candles between them.

“I hope you don't mind?” Tony said from the doorway, drying his hands on a dishtowel.

Gibbs shook his head and traced a frame with the back of one of his fingers; his eyes were filling with tears and he didn't knew if he should give in or try to blink them away, he hadn’t felt that emotional since...

“I can put them away if it upsets you too much,” Tony said and Gibbs saw how Tony had stepped up next to him, and extended his hand to take a hold of the nearest picture.

A hand shot out and stopped Tony. ”Thank you,” he whispered, and pulled Tony in for a kiss.

“You like it?” Tony asked when they came up for air.

“I love it,” Gibbs confirmed.

“Fine,” Tony stepped away from Gibbs and stroked over the older man’s chest once, before he smiled cheekily. “Let's eat, I'm starving.”


	17. Chapter 17

Gibbs sighed wearily when he entered his home after a hard day at work, and placed the bags of groceries down on the table before he went looking for Tony.

His lover was nowhere to be seen, but a soft draft gave him the subtle hint that the back door was open, and Gibbs walked over into the kitchen to have a look through the window onto the backyard.

Tony lay in one of the loungers, dressed in cut off jeans and a t-shirt, and Gibbs swallowed heavily when he saw how the younger man's skin glowed in the evening sun. Tony’s one hand was resting on his lower abdomen, and the other was holding a book; Gibbs could see his mouth was moving.

Gibbs relaxed somewhat; he really loved this side of Tony, the caring... motherly side, like when he talked or read to their baby.

Gibbs snorted.

Tony would probably shoot him, if he ever heard Gibbs refer to him as motherly, but for lack of a better word...

Tony smiled softly when he heard someone stepping up behind him, “Hey, you're home early.”

Gibbs bent over the back of the lounger and kissed Tony's head.

“What are you reading?” He asked, and Tony showed him the cover of the book in his hand.

“Found it today in this little book shop down the street,” Tony answered, and blushed lightly when

Gibbs stepped around to his side and tapped against Tony's leg, until the younger man made room for him on the lounger and Gibbs could sit down beside him.

Gibbs read the title and smiled.

Guess how much I love you...

He leaned in to kiss Tony, but there was the sound of someone clearing his throat behind them. “You really should learn to lock the door sometimes,” Tony snickered and Gibbs groaned softly.

“I am so sorry to interrupt you two like this,” Ducky said from the doorway, unsure if he should take the steps to the two men, or wait where he was.

“Hey Ducky,” Tony greeted and waved the older man over to them.

“You really should lock your door more often, Jethro,” Ducky chided, having overheard the comment Tony had made only moments before.

“Why?” Gibbs asked, and pointed the older ME to one of the garden chairs. “It's not like it would keep the unwanted guests out anyway...”

 

Ducky nodded; they had had this argument too many times already to think that Gibbs would change his mind about it now.

“We'll make it a new rule,” Tony piped up. “Rule number 24: if you want some privacy, lock the doors. Which reminds me,” Tony stood from the lounger and straightened his clothes a little, before he cast a hopeful look at Gibbs. “Did you bring it?”

Gibbs sighed, before he rolled his eyes playfully and answered with a straight face, “Nope, they were all out before I even got to the shop.”

Tony's face fell, “Seriously?”

“As death,” Gibbs nodded, and winked at Ducky, who was watching everything with curious eyes.

“Shit,” Tony cursed and came back to the lounger, but Gibbs shook his head when Tony tried to join him again.

“Why don't you start dinner?” Gibbs asked, and stretched his body on the chair. The evening sun was still strong enough to warm his body nicely. “I'm kind of hungry.”

“Do you want to join us, Ducky?” Tony asked, somewhat grumpily.

“No, my boy, but thank you for asking,” Ducky shook his head and watched Tony nod in acceptance, before he disappeared through the door.

“What was that about,” Ducky asked Gibbs, who lifted one hand in a “stop” motion and they waited for a moment, until they could hear Tony's swearing colorfully, which had both men snorting in amusement.

“Tony developed another craving,” Gibbs explained. “He's absolutely addicted to walnut cookies.”

Ducky laughed when he saw the face Gibbs was making when he said that.

The man disliked walnuts with a vengeance which almost bordered onto a full grown phobia.

“What can we do for you, Ducky?” Gibbs asked suddenly.

“Ahh,” Ducky pushed himself a little out of his chair. “Nothing really. I just wanted to hear how young Anthony and the baby were doing.”

“They're both fine,” Gibbs grinned one of his boyish smiles. “The doctor couldn't find anything wrong with either of them, but now we know for sure the gender of the baby-”

“Hey, are you two talking about me?” Tony asked from behind them, brushing crumbs from his shirt.

“Only telling Ducky about the test results,” Gibbs replied, and extended his hand to pull his lover over to him. “It's a boy,” Gibbs said proudly, and Ducky nodded, almost glowing with happiness.

“That is indeed superb news for the two of you.” Tony went over to Ducky and placed a hand on the older ME's shoulder.

“Do you want to see it?” Tony asked softly, and smiled when the older man nodded. “I’ll be right back,” Tony said, and disappeared inside again. He came back short moments later and handed the newest picture to the older ME with a flourish. “Ta-Da!”

“Oh Lord,” Ducky said in awe, when he looked at the small picture of the baby in his trembling hands.

“How far along are you now?” Ducky asked.

“16 Weeks,” Tony answered. “I need some more cookies now, but do you want anything? Something to drink, maybe?”

“A beer would be great,” Gibbs answered, and sighed when Tony shook his head. “Okay, some juice then.”

Ducky couldn't help it: he started to laugh and felt relaxed for the first time today.

///*

The older man said his goodbyes a few minutes later, and Tony, busy with the dinner preparations, jumped a little when Gibbs stepped up behind him and kissed his neck.

“I've been thinking,” Tony said, though he turned and pulled Gibbs a little tighter against his body.

“Yeah?” Gibbs asked, and opened the top button of Tony's jeans. “About what?”

Tony moaned, distracted for a moment when Gibbs' clever fingers found a way into his boxers.

“I thought... uhm... maybe... oh... maybe Ducky could be the baby's godfather,” Tony started to move his hips and groaned when Gibbs started to bite his neck softly.

“How about we ask him to be the boy's grandfather instead?” Gibbs asked, a smile lighting his face when he felt how Tony’s hands tried to get into his pants, but when Tony’s hands failed and he cursed, the older man decided to help his lover, who looked like he wouldn't last more than a few seconds now.

Tony's soft moans and whimpers did wonders to his own libido and when Gibbs felt Tony erupting into his hand, he followed him right behind with a loud gasp.

“We should have this kind of talk more often,” Tony said, heavy panting between each word, and Gibbs snorted before he grabbed the nearest towel and cleaned up Tony and himself.

///*

Jenny Shepard sat behind her desk and looked a little disbelievingly at the monitor in front of her.

She'd received a notice from Personnel that one of her agents had filled a SRDP (State Registered Domestic Partnerships) and was shocked to see that it had been filed, in fact, by Gibbs.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs, who was sharing his house with a man, instead of her.

Who was fucking a man, instead of her.

Who should be hers, instead of his.

Even after days of research she couldn't find any reason that this man could use to press Gibbs into having a relationship with him, but that didn’t mean anything, right?

All she'd been able to find about one Anthony D. DiNozzo was the he'd been a Baltimore cop and a former NCIS Special Agent, and that he'd left NCIS because of health issues.

Jenny sighed.

Maybe Ducky could give her an answer on why; it seemed that the man had been one of the best agents and, surprise, surprise, Jethro's Senior Field Agent for almost three years.

Jenny took a look at the clock.

She sighed again, when she realized how late it had gotten, and started to get ready to leave.

She had just risen from her chair when a sharp spike of pain burst through her head and left her gasping; she felt something warm running down her face from her nose and she grabbed hold of the back of her chair when the world started to sway back and forth.

Jenny stood unmoving for a moment, and waited until the pain gave way to the familiar feelings of disorientation and weakness, like always, since hey symptoms had started a few months ago, but this time there was something new, too.

She could hear a voice.

A voice, which was calling to her, whispering her name softly, like a caress, and she turned slowly around to find the source; she stopped turning when she was facing one of the big windows behind her desk.

“Hey there.”

A woman stood there, and she looked just like Jenny did, only with short hair and a very nasty smile twisting her face; Jenny took a step backwards.

“Oh, come on girl,” the woman taunted. “Don't be so shy. I only want to help you to get what you want.”

Jenny shook her head, her long red hair flying wildly, before two hands were stopping her; she gasped again in surprise.

“You want him?” The woman asked, and Jenny watched wide eyed how the woman pointed over at her desk, where Gibbs' personnel file lay with his picture on top.

Had she forgotten to close it, before she'd decided to call it a night?

The woman laughed out loud, before her face went serious again and she whispered, “He still looks good, doesn't he? Even after all the years since you had him last.”

Jenny glared at the woman, “What are you talking about, we never-”

“Oh yeah, you did,” the woman was grinning now, her eyes sparkling. “And he felt so good, didn't he? His body, his mouth, his cock.”

“Shut up,” Jenny demanded, but the woman just waved a hand in dismissal.

“You can deny it all you want, but in here-,” the woman tapped against Jenny's forehead. “- you know I'm right. You want him back in your bed, that's why you're keeping his picture in that room at your house where you can sit in front of it and finger yourself like a horny teenager.”

Jenny gasped in surprise, “How did you-”

The woman tsk'ed, her face was showing only warmth when she answered, “I know everything about you, Jenny Shepard, and I only want for you to be happy with him.”

The woman sat down on the top of the desk and smiled seductively at Jenny, “I know you're confused right now, my girl, but come sit down, because I want to tell you about my plans.

///*

Ziva stood in front of Gibbs' house and tried to find a reason so that she wouldn't have to go up those stairs and knock on the door, but somehow nothing sounded plausible enough. She sighed heavily and took the first step up the steps, only to jump back in surprise when the door flew open and Abby jumped out with a huge grin on her face. The grinalmost instantly froze off when she saw the young Mossad officer standing at the foot of the stairs.

A man, who had been there when she first had visited that house before, was following the young Goth and Ziva could see the look of surprise when he recognized her.

“Don't forget our date, Abbs,” the man said, and smiled at the young Goth. Abby looked like she was ready to jump at Ziva, if she so much as twitched the wrong way.

“Of course not,” Abby replied after a moment of silence and a few more moments went past, before Tony sighed.

“I think you can go now, Abbs. I don't think that Officer David is planning anything,” Tony could see both women were blushing.

Ziva turned to Abby.”He is right, I'm only here to talk to Gibbs.”

Abby nodded, but didn't move, before Gibbs appeared behind Tony.

“Problem?” Gibbs asked, and Tony shook his head.

“Nope,” Tony answered, and winked at Abby. The young Goth sighed, nodded in silent understanding, then waved and wandered over to her car.

“What can we do for you, Officer David?” Gibbs asked Ziva, after Tony had turned to step back into the house.

“I'm sorry, Gibbs, but I need to talk to you about something,” Gibbs frowned at that, but gave her nod to follow him into the house.

///*

Tony was cleaning the living room, which looked like a bomb had gone off, or a possibly hurricane, a hurricane by the name of Abby Scuito.

Tony's breathing halted, when he remembered the look on Abby's face when she saw the pictures of Gibbs' first family for the very first time. But Abby took it in stride and had just asked them some questions, before she went over to the older man and hugged him tightly.

Tony snorted.

Abby was kind of a hug addict.

Gibbs had tolerated it and patted her back in understanding, all the time whispering that, yes, he still missed them dearly and that they were a part of his past, and that he had Tony now and soon they would have a little one to take care of. Gibbs' eyes never left Tony's face when he said that, making sure that the younger man heard him and understood what he meant.

Tony had blushed crimson, a mix of surprise and satisfaction on his face.

The young man bent down to straighten the sofa cushions, and was wondering what the woman could want from his lover.

///*

Ziva followed Gibbs down into his basement, and tried not to let her annoyance show on her face, when the older man took a hold of one of his tools on the workbench and turned back to fiddle with a piece of wood.

“Not working on your boat, I see,” Ziva commented, and watched how Gibbs used one of his bare hands to check the wooden surface for uneven spots in the finish.

“The boat can wait,” Gibbs answered, and stopped to turn to Ziva again. “What can I do for you, Officer David?”

“I,” Ziva swallowed. “I'm here because of Director Shepard.”

“Oh?” Gibbs went over to the shelf at the opposite end of the workbench and got the bottle of bourbon standing there; he gave it a little wave .

Ziva looked a little lost, before she shook her head negatively.

The Mossad officer watched Gibbs empty a jar of nails on his workbench and clean it out with a towel, before he filled it with a bit of the amber colored liquid. He held it in front of his lips and took a deep breath.

“Okay,” he focused completely on the young woman. “Tell me.”

///*

Tony cursed his suddenly bad luck.

He heard some kind of noise outside, at the front of the house. He couldn't believe how dark it had gotten since he had said his goodbyes to Abby.

From the distance the sound of thunder could be heard, and Tony was sure that it would only be a matter of time until the thunderstorm the weather forecast had warned about would hit Washington.

Thick drops of rain were starting to fall already and Tony shivered when cold air from the open door suddenly hit the skin on his arms.

The younger man hit the switch beside the door, and a soft yellow glow brightened the veranda and a small patch of the grass at the front of the house.

There was this noise again, a small pitiful whimper; Tony had to bend over the banister to take a better look, and he almost slipped on the wet wood.

“Wow,” he panted, and groaned when he saw the small silhouette of a kitten under one of the bushes.

He flinched when a bright flash of lightning cut through the darkness, and kept a firm grip on the railing on his way down the steps.

“Okay,” Tony whispered. “If you're not a kitten in need of saving, I'll be royally pissed that you're pulling me outside into weather like this.”

He moved slowly through the slippery grass until he reached the bush, then he bent down to take another look; he smiled softly when the small kitten was finally exposed.

“Hi,” the younger man took a gentle hold of the small, wet body and straightened himself up with a soft groan. “Let's get out of here, shall we?” he whispered and pressed the kitten against his chest to shelter it a little from the cold wind and hard rain, which was falling faster with every passing second.

“Anthony?” a woman's voice called from behind him, and Tony turned in surprise and almost lost his balance.

No one was there.

Frowning, Tony turned back to the house and tried to move faster.

The need to be inside nearly all-consuming.

“Anthony,” again came the woman's voice; this time it sounded nearer than before, and again Tony turned. Once again there was nothing to see except Officer David's car.

A sudden sense of dread was filling Tony, and with the kitten pressed against his chest and a hand placed on his lower abdomen, he headed to the stairs which would lead him to safety...

...only to lose his footing on the slippery ground.

The younger man had just enough time for an surprised gasp before his backside met the hard, wet ground, and he looked around wildly, trying to make sure that no one was taking advantage of his vulnerability. He gave a little sigh of relief when he couldn't see anyone.

“God,” Tony sighed, and let his head drop to his chest. “This is getting better and better.”

He cried out when two strong hands grabbed him from behind, and he almost let the kitten drop to defend himself before he realized that it was Gibbs who helped him to stand back up.

“Are you hurt?” Gibbs asked. The older man relaxed visible when Tony shook his head, but frowned when he saw the small body in his lover's hand. “Is this why you're out here?”

Gibbs lifted the kitten out of Tony's hand and took a gentle hold of one of the younger man's arms.

Unable to answer, Tony just shrugged.

The younger man took one last look around, before he realized that someone was watching them from the veranda. Tony's eyes met those of Ziva David, and he had the sudden desire to hide behind something.

The woman was watching them with open curiosity...

///*

Jenny stood under one of the big trees down the road from Gibbs' house and watched how Gibbs ushered everybody back into the house, before the man turned back to have a look around.

She felt suddenly thankful for the black clothes she was wearing.  
“Ha,” her new, best friend whispered from behind. “How long do you think we'll need to make him go crazy?”


	18. Chapter 18

Tony grunted somewhat moodily, when he tried unsuccessfully to close his favorite dress-shirt over his swollen abdomen.

“Hey, tyke,” he groused, without any heat in his voice. “How about making yourself a little smaller, so your daddy is able to dress up a little?”

He'd planned to go shopping with Abby, for the baby and the wedding and, well, anything else, and thought that he could meet up with Abby at NCIS and surprise Gibbs by visiting him, too.

The doorbell rang just when Tony gave another try and he sighed, before he gave up and went down the stairs and over to the door. He couldn’t care less what the person in front of the door might think of him, what with his pants undone and his shirt hanging open.

 

The little kitten, still nameless because neither Gibbs nor Tony could think of a good name for her, stood in the doorway to the kitchen and watched everything through huge, amber colored eyes.

Both men hadn't had the heart to kick her out, after the storm was over, and Tony was inwardly happy to be able to keep the little cat. Especially since Gibbs wasn't home that much anymore.

Work.

Or something else...

...or someone else...

Tony took a hold of the handle and wrenched the door open, just when the bell rang a second time.

In front of the door stood a kid, replete with shocking red hair, pimples, and a box in his hands.

“Dude, ya just shocked half my life outta me,” the kid, teen, whatever, said and Tony frowned.

“What do you want?”

“Pizza delivery, man,” underlining his words, the teen waved the box and Tony recognized the smell of cheese and tomatoes.

“I didn't order it,” Tony said with regret. What he wouldn't do for just one thin slice of pizza… but the pregnancy had made him sensitive to spices, and his stomach would give him hell if he ignored that fact.

“Oh man, you sure?” the teen asked.

Then the telephone started to ring.

Tony nodded, but searched in his pockets for the twenty he had stuffed into one of the pockets this morning.

“I'll take it,” he said, and saw a flicker of relief on the teen’s face. “How much?”

“Twelve fifty.”

Tony waited impatiently until the teen had counted his change, and reached the phone breathlessly,

“Hello?”

“Where've you been?” Gibbs sounded angry, and Tony sighed softly before he answered.

“Busy, why?”

“Busy,” Gibbs repeated, and Tony could practically see the dark cloud forming over his lovers head.

“Yeah,” Tony answered slowly. “I’ve been doing laundry, cooking, cleaning... all the fun stuff.”

Tony could hear Gibbs swallowing, and imagined him sitting behind his desk with his ever present cup of coffee, glaring at some poor soul across the office.

“Is there any reason you're calling?” Tony asked, trying to sound nonchalant and knowing that he was failing at it.

“No, I just wanted to know if we need anything from the store.”

“Oh, alright,” Tony couldn't keep the disappointment out of his voice when he said that. “We need some milk and bread.”

“Is something wrong?” Gibbs asked, and Tony couldn't believe his ears.

'We're getting married next week, I'm pregnant with your child, I feel huge like a balloon, you're working more then you're home, if you’re working that's it-'

“Tony?”

“Are you coming home tonight, or should I skip my plans for dinner and go straight to bed?”

Anger.

Anger was good, and Tony tried hard to hold onto that feeling.

He could hear Gibbs utter a deep sigh.

“Forget I asked,” Tony said, before his lover had a chance to say anything else. “Your dinner will be in the oven like always. Try not to wake me, I've got an appointment with my doctor in the morning.”

“Tony, I've-”

“It's alright, Jethro. Look, I've gotta go,” Tony hung up on Gibbs and fought back tears.

///*

“Goddammit!” Gibbs slammed the receiver back on its cradle forcefully and glared at it, before he started to bark orders at his team.

Ziva watched Gibbs from her desk, the one Kate had used before; she could see that Jenny was watching Gibbs from her place at the top of the stairs.

If only she could have had the time to tell Gibbs about Jenny's obsession with him.

If only she'd been able to start directly with what she'd wanted to tell him, instead of being intimidated by Gibbs, and rambling about something absolutely meaningless.

If only there hadn’t been that noise from above...

She sighed.

She would have to find a way to tell him... and soon... if the look on Jenny's face was any indicator.

Jenny stood above them, and watched Gibbs.

He was moving from one desk to another, and was demanding results in his usual brusque manner and she felt a deep desire to go down there and play with him, like she'd done when they had that affair... so long ago...

“Don't,” the woman at her side whispered. “Let's stick to our plan.”

“Alright, alright,” Jenny answered, and watched with surprise when Gibbs took the stairs up to her, two at a time.

“Jethro,” Jenny greeted, and tried to ignore the death glare the man gave her.

“Tell me again, why I've got to do that,” Gibbs demanded.

“You know as well as I do that you're the best agent I've got to make contact with Abu Ghalib, and to get the information he'll have for us,” Jenny turned around to go back into her office, inwardly pleased that Gibbs was following her.

“I'll do it, Jenny,” Gibbs growled, and grabbed a hold of one of Jenny's arms to turn her around to face him. “But after that, you and I are going to have a very long, very thorough talk.”

“About?” Jenny asked, and pulled her arm out of the man's tight grip.

“You'll see,” was all Gibbs said, before he turned on his heels and stalked away.

“Uh oh,” the woman at her side said, and they watched as Gibbs met up with McGee and Ziva.

“Doesn't sound good at all, does it?”

Jenny sighed, and gave a little wave at Cynthia, before she stepped into her office and closed the door behind her, “No, that doesn't sound good.”

“Well then, baby,” the woman said. She sat behind Jenny's desk and was grinning smugly, “We've gotta move a little faster with our plan.”

///*

Tony eyed the pizza in regret, before he sighed and opened the trashcan to dump it.

'What a shame,' he thought and jumped in surprise, when a pair of arms wound around his waist from behind.

“Hey, tough guy,” Abby greeted, and Tony did a sigh in relief, but cursed when he realized that he had dumped the pizza on the pavement instead into the trashcan.

“Abbs,” Tony turned into her arms and pulled Abby a little tighter to him, savoring the feeling of someone holding him, even though it was Abby and not Gibbs.

“What're you doing?” Abby asked, refusing to let the younger man go just now, but curious as always.

“Dumping a pizza,” Tony replied.

“A pizza?” Abby asked disbelievingly. “Never thought you would be a masochist and dump a pizza, Tony.”

“I'm not,” Tony pulled a face, which had the young Goth snickering. “Well, not normally. Someone sent a pizza to our address today, but I can't have pizza, because I can't stomach the spices on it.”

“Ah,” Abby nodded in understanding. “My mother had the same problem when she was pregnant with me. Sensitive to spices and smell; my dad still complains about how she made him take a shower twice a day.”

“Yeah? Well smell doesn't bothers me so much, maybe because I'm alone most of the time,” Tony said, a hint of sadness in his voice. Abby watched a shadow move over Tony's face for a moment, before it disappeared again and Tony smiled at her, “You ready for our shopping trip?”

“You betcha,” Abby smiled back and started to bounce on her feet.

“Let me just take care of that mess,” Tony said and lifted the carton from ground to toss it properly away this time, not noticing the small blob of pizza which fell out of it and landed with a wet 'Splat!' on the ground.

///*

 

Tony and Abby came home from their shopping trip a few hours later, loaded down with all kinds of bags filled with clothes for Tony, who had told Abby about how all his favorite clothes didn’t fit him anymore.

Abby was a surprising woman to have around, especially when he had problems like his clothes not fitting right. She knew a lot of people all over Washington DC, which Tony got to know of that day, as she pulled him from one shop to another.

“I'm tired,” Tony complained. “And hungry, and I want to see that movie now.”

Abby giggled, “You're sounding like my little niece-”

“That's not funny,” Tony growled, and fought against tears at the same time.

“I didn't mean it like that, Tony,” Abby said, wrapping her arms around him. “Tell me what's wrong.”

“No... Nothing’s wrong,” Tony whispered and shook his head, before he sighed and let his shoulders slump. “Everything is. Nothing is like we’ve planned.”

Abby pulled them over to the couch and made Tony sit down, before she poked him in the side and demanded, “Tell me.”

“I think I’m going insane, Abbs,” Tony whispered, and Abby's heart stopped for a moment.

“What do you mean?” she asked-

“I don't know-”

Abby frowned at him and Tony sighed again, before he took a deep breath, “There are weird things happening here... when I'm alone...”

“What kind of things?a

“Small things at first; doors standing open, even when I'm sure I've closed them, noises coming from outside and from the basement, running water in the bathroom and kitchen. Once I came in from an appointment with my doctor, to find the tub overflowing. Telephone ringing, and then stopping just when I'm reaching for it,” Tony felt Abby hug him a little tighter. “When I came home yesterday, the TV and radio were on, and set on full volume... it scared the hell out of me. I swear, I'm starting to feel just like Jack Nicholson must have in The Shining.”

///*

A small dog was sniffing around the trashcan. Its white fur was stained brown from playing outside. It swallowed the blob of pizza eagerly and now searched the ground for more, whining softly when a sharp pain tore through its body.

The dog shook its head when the world started to spin out of control, just before it felt something metallic tasting filling its muzzle and starting to run from its nose.

It tried to find its way back home to its owner, but could only take a few steps before its legs gave way, and it fell to the ground just under one of the big bushes beside the trash can.

///*

“I'll stay overnight,” Abby stated, and she glared at Tony when he tried to say something. “That's not open for discussion; I'll drive home and get some of my things right now.”

Tony nodded helplessly.

“I'm feeling like a damsel in distress,” he whispered, and Abby couldn't help but hug him tightly again.

“Don't worry about it, Tony. That's just a reaction to being pregnant, but-” Abby patted the younger mans chest. “-I can attest that you're still feeling all male to me.”

Tony blushed and Abby smiled; it was one of the smiles Tony loved so much on her, all girlish with lots of mischief.

“We... we could watch that movie when you're back,” Tony whispered, and felt relieved when Abby nodded.

“I'll bring some snacks, too,” she said and stood.

She was just reaching the door when Tony called her and she turned around.

“Thank you, Abbs,” Tony said.

“That's what family is for, Tony,” Abby said and with a wave, disappeared through the door.

“Family?” Tony felt a breath of movement in his lower abdomen and placed one of his hands over it. “Yeah I know, tyke. I know.”

///*

Gibbs chased after Abu Ghalib through the corridors of the Kamir Bakir, up and down some stairs, until he could face him in the laundry.

///*

Tony wandered through the house and made sure every window and door was closed tightly.

Abby would need some time until she got back, and the younger man planned to use that time for a shower and to start on dinner.

///*

Abby relaxed somewhat when the tune of her favorite band blasted from the speakers of her car. The things Tony had told her made her shiver in foreboding.

///*

Abu Ghalib had lifted his hands in surrender and Gibbs gasped,” I thought we could get this done without a chase.”

“I couldn't get arrested, Agent-” Abu started to look around nervously.

“Gibbs,” Gibbs supplied.

“I wanted to speak to you alone, the-”

///*

When Abby came out of her apartment, all but two minutes later, it was to the sight of a flat tire on her beloved car and she cursed colorfully.

///*

The bomb went off...

...bright orange flames came out of every opening in the ship and made the night as bright as day.

Ziva and McGee, who were watching everything from their car at the other side of the docks, jumped in surprise.

///*

Tony let the warm water pound on his too tense body and sighed.

What wouldn't he give to have Gibbs here right now?

///*

Gibbs regained consciousness to the very disturbing feeling of being unable to move, and seeing the world whirl around him only added dizziness to his feelings of detachment from his body.

An unfamiliar face appeared over him, only to switch into the face of a soldier in combat gear.

“Gunny,” a voice shouted. “Gunny...Can you hear me?”

///*

Abby got the call, just when the taxi she had called arrived.

“Here's Abby, who's there?” Abby asked, somewhat snippy. “McGee, I don't have time right now, I need to-”

She gasped, “What?”

She started to pace the pavement up and down, “Where?”

///*

Tony felt the fluttering again and smiled, as he always did, when he could feel their baby moving inside of him.

He'd dressed himself in some sweats of Gibbs’ and some thick socks, before he went down into the living room and started to get everything ready for a movie night.

The telephone started to ring, just when he put some popcorn in the microwave, and the younger man didn't know what to do for a moment, before he scolded himself. 'Get a grip, Tony. You're a man, right? So act like one.”

But still he couldn't stop his voice from sounding scared when he picked up the receiver, “Hello?”

“Tony? Tony? It's Abby,” Abby shouted in panic through the phone. “Something happened to Gibbs.”


	19. Chapter 19

Tony arrived at the hospital half an hour later than Abby, and the nurse, still a little taken aback by Abby's abrupt entrance, simply sighed, nodded once toward to the doors, and pushed the button which would open the doors to Trauma 1.

A young nurse with red hair and freckles stopped him.

“I ...I want to see Jethro Gibbs,” Tony said. His fear for his lover made him sound small.

“And you are?” the nurse asked kindly.

“My name is Anthony DiNozzo. I'm Leroy Jethro Gibbs' s.o.,” the nurse looked startled, before she nodded shortly and bent over the desk at the left side of them to pull a file out from a stack.

She leafed through it for a moment, before she frowned and finally said, “I'm sorry, sir, but your name doesn't appear on my list.”

“That... that's not possible,” Tony said and pointed at the file in the woman’s hand. “Look again, please. I'm sure I'm listed as his next of kin in there somewhere.”

“I'm sorry, sir,” the nurse said again and turned around.

“Please,” Tony said with a suddenly tear-choked voice. “I'm sure that it's only a mistake, Miss. Please, could you look again?”

“I'm sorry, Mister DiNozzo, really I am, but your name isn't listed,” the woman actually showed him Gibbs' file, and true to her word Tony could see the name Jenny Shepard where normally his name should be.

“Jenny Shepard?” He asked in a whisper, and the nurse nodded before she pointed over to a woman who stood in front of a wall of windows, clad in a bright red evening dress and short red hair.

“She was my partner, after Mike Franks,” Gibbs' voice was drifting through his head, remembering the conversation they’d once had.

“Mike Franks?” Tony had asked.

“Yeah, he was my boss when I joined NIS; he retired in 1996.”

“Ahh, was he the one who taught you the rules?”

“Nope, he taught me everything else; the rules have a different origin,” Gibbs had grinned and pulled Tony against his body. “But he'd taught me this.”

Tony touched the back of his head as if he'd just received one of Gibbs' head slaps.

He debated with himself whether he should go up to this woman or not, but the decision was taken out of his hands when Abby saw him.

“Tony, Tony, Tony,” Abby ran, a little awkwardly, because of the platform shoes she wore, to him and engulfed him in her arms. “Gibbs, he's hurt... oh Tony, Gibbs is almost never hurt, but now he is and... and I don't know what to do.”

Tony hugged the young Goth, glad to have something to concentrate on other than his own pain.

#

When Ducky appeared the next morning, it was to the sight of Tony sleeping in a chair beside Gibbs' bed.

Abby had called him in the middle of the autopsy of Abu Ghalib and told him that the doctor had refused to let the younger man in to see Gibbs-

-to say that the older ME had been furious when he'd heard that would be an understatement.

He'd rushed over to the hospital, intent on solving this ridiculous problem, ready to stand in for the young, pregnant man, who surely had his world slipped out from under his feet, only to see Tony sleeping in that chair beside Gibbs' bed.

'My poor lad,' Ducky thought with a shake of his head, before he draped his coat over Tony's curled up body. 'Why is it always you who has to suffer the most?'

#

Jenny made nice with the Doctor.

Dr. Todd Gelfand.

A neurologist who apparently knew Gibbs from his time in Kuwait; he'd been injured and had lain in a coma for nineteen days.

Not that she knew about that...

...but she knew about the Purple Heart he had stashed away in one of his drawers in his desk at work...

The rest of it she had learned from the Doctor who had been so kind to invite her to an coffee and the woman had convinced her that the Doctor could be useful someday to get rid of DiNozzo.

DiNozzo, the man who had theatrically sobbed a few times, until the nurse on shift, young and naive as she had been, had let him into Jethro's room.

Jenny still felt the anger boiling inside of her, when she thought about it.

How could this man simply come in and wrap everyone around his little finger?

The woman was sprawled on a chair across from Jenny and the doctor and made some lewd

gestures, which had Jenny glaring at her whenever the man was not looking.

“Can't you just let him fuck you?” the woman whined.

“Shut up,” Jenny hissed.

“I'm sorry?” the doctor asked and the woman made humming noises.

“Just look at his eyes...and those fingers...I'm sure he could let you fly.”

“I...I'm sorry,” Jenny said and stood up from her chair. “It's been a very long day and an even longer night,” she grabbed her things. “And it's far from over. I have to go back into the office-”

“I understand,” the doctor's eyes were clearly stating that he didn't, but Jenny ignored it. “maybe we could go for another coffee soon?”

“I would like that,” Jenny answered and they shook hands, just like normal people would do, if it hadn’t been for the redheaded woman behind Dr. Gelfand, who had opened her blouse and was rubbing her breasts against the Doctor's back.

Jenny shook her head and smiled at the man, before she turned around and disappeared around the next corner

#

“I'm sorry, Jethro, that I'm only now able to visit you, but young Timothy wanted to have the Autopsy done and, well, Timothy is becoming quite capable of leading a team or slipping into your shoes, if I can dare to say so,” Ducky was leaning over Gibbs' still body. “Of course, he still has some roughening up to do, and I'm sure he's a far cry away from what young Anthony would have be-”

Ducky gave a gasp of surprise when a set of blue, confused eyes were suddenly staring up at him, “My lord, Jethro.” The older man bent over Gibbs to reach the call button, and was smiling at the older Agent who was still staring at him.

“Ducky?” Tony's sleepy voice came from the other side of the bed.

Gibbs' head turned in the direction of Tony's voice and the younger man grinned, “Jethro.”

Tony rose from his seat and walked on unsteady legs over to the bed, only to watch Gibbs turn away from him and back to Ducky, before the younger man was pushed aside by the doctor.

An elderly nurse, who didn't want to listen to any word Tony had to say, was starting to push him out of the room.

“Ducky?” Tony asked loudly and fought the nurse, until the older man turned to him.

“Don't worry, my boy. The good doctor only needs a little more room to work,” Ducky walked a few steps away with him. “Why don't you go and sit down over there-” Ducky pointed over to a bench a little way down the small corridor. “I will come to you as soon as I know something.”

“But Ducky,” Tony protested.

“Please Anthony,” Ducky placed a warm hand on one of Tony's arms. “All this excitement isn't good for the little one.”

“He needs me, Ducky.”

“Your baby needs you too,” Ducky replied. “Believe me, my boy. Nothing is going to happen, except that they will remove the tubing and check him for any signs of brain damage.”

Ducky regretted the words as soon as they've left his mouth but even more when he saw how pale Tony became.

“Brain damage?” Tony gasped.

“Only a precaution, Anthony,” the ME tried to reassure the younger man.

“Can you go back in and watch over him, please,” Tony asked. Casting fearful looks through the windows of the room. “I don't want him to be alone with strangers.”

“Of course, Anthony, of course.”

///*

“Nothing?” Tony asked fearful. “He remembers nothing?”

“Nothing of the last fifteen years, I'm afraid,” the doctor confirmed.

“But... but-”

“Anthony, maybe it would be better if you would sit down again,” Ducky took a hold of the younger man's arm and pulled him down.

“How's that possible, Ducky?” Tony asked, tears springing into his eyes.

“Ah, my poor lad. I am afraid he’s hit his head one too many times,” Ducky placed a comforting hand on Tony's shoulder and squeezed lightly. “And even that thick skull of his isn't unbreakable, but I am sure that it will come back again. Jethro only needs some time.”

“Doctor Mallard,” the doctor, who had joined the older man outside interrupted Ducky. “Could I have a word with you?”

“Certainly,” Ducky smiled at Tony before he followed the doctor over into a secluded part of the

corridor.

“Look,” the Doctor began. “I understand what you're doing, but there is a good chance that Agent Gibbs won't regain his memories and-”

“Doctor Gelfand,” Ducky interrupted. “Believe me, good man, I know exactly what you are talking about but look at the young lad. He needs something to hold on to, at least for a little bit, and I won't take what little hope he holds now away from him by telling him that the man he loves may never remember him at all.”

#

Gibbs was dreaming.

He watched Kelly and Shannon playing and could even feel the back of the horse moving under him, when he rode with them at the beach, but then he opened his eyes and everything was gone again and the familiar feeling of depression and sadness was filling him...

...eating at him...

He remembered another time, too.

He sat alone at the beach, in front of a fire, with a bottle of bourbon at his side and a gun in his hand.

Gibbs remembered.

His wife was dead.

Their daughter was dead.

#

Doctor Gelfand was just getting ready to make his last rounds, when he saw that Special Agent Gibbs' bed was empty, but he relaxed instantly when he saw that the bathroom door was ajar.

'Must be hard to lose everything a second time,' the doctor thought, when he remembered the pained expression on Gibbs' face when he'd been told that fifteen years had passed since the death of his wife and child. The Doctor shook his head, before he opened the door next to Gibbs' room.

He would give the marine some time to calm down, before he visited him.

#

Gibbs touched the wound at the side of his head.

Half of his face was red because of the burns; the ointment a nurse had applied a while ago made it look glossy in the harsh lights of the bathroom.

Gibbs sighed, before he took a closer look at the image in the mirror...

Fifteen years.

His hair was grey now... and there were wrinkles all over his face...wrinkles that weren't there before...

'Will you still love me, when I'm old and fat and wrinkled?' Shannon had asked him once, in that laughing voice Gibbs had loved so much.

And Gibbs' vision became blurry when he remembered how he had answered her, 'Far longer than forever, honey.'

“Far longer than forever,” he repeated aloud, with a tight knot in throat.

When his vision had cleared again, he took a hold of the razor some kind nurse had left for him.

Shannon had always shuddered when he dry shaved his head and face, but for him it was like a meditation... of sorts.

The rasping sound the razor made when it slid over the skin at the sides of his head was the only sound that could be heard, that and the soft breathing of a man who tried to stay in control of a situation that couldn't be controlled anymore.

#

Everything was too much right now.

To watch his lover...

To know that the man didn't remember him... or their baby.

But to see the pity in Ducky's eyes was the last straw that broke him, and Tony all but fled to the nearest men's room, where he closed himself in one of the stalls and let go of his emotions until his body was shaking with big, painful sobs.

He didn't realize that he'd been followed until he heard a soft knocking at the door of his cubicle.

“Anthony?” Ducky asked and Tony straightened his back before he answered.

“Go away Ducky.”

“My dear boy. I know that isn't easy for you, but-” the older man was interrupted by the opening of the door.

A man came in and looked a bit strangely at the old man who stood in front of one stall until the older Brit glared at him.

“You don't know half of what I'm feeling right now,” Tony replied, oblivious to the interruption.

“What do I do now? Will he ever remember me and our baby? What if he won't remember?”

Ducky tsked when he saw the stranger cast an irritated look over to the cubicle before he finished and hurried out.

#

Jenny sat behind her desk, after she'd video conferenced with the SecNav and Homeland Security, wondering what she should do to make Jethro remember her.

Only her, and of course the information Abu Ghalib had given him... surely she couldn't prevent him from remembering the time with this male prostitute, but she had a plan for that, too...

Suddenly an idea struck her.

Mike Franks.

Once she'd found out where Jethro's former team leader lived, it was fairly easy to convince him to come up and help.

#

Mike Franks stepped into the hospital room and was greeted by a pair of very confused blue eyes.

“Hey boss,” Gibbs greeted him, and tried to stand up from his bed, but was stopped by Franks.

“Hey Probie,” Mike greeted. “You're looking old.”

Gibbs snorted in amusement, before he replied,“You looked in a mirror lately?”

All of the sudden Gibbs' eyes filled with tears, “They've told me that it has been fifteen years since... since Shannon and Kelly were killed.”

Franks sighed before he nodded, “Yeah. It's been a long time, Probie.”

Gibbs swiped impatiently over his eyes, “But it feels like it all happened yesterday.”

#

Once Tony had opened the door which had separated him from Ducky, the older ME had no problems convincing the emotionally drained man that it would be better for him to drive home, rest, and eat a proper meal, before doing anything else.

Of course, Ducky wouldn't let him drive home alone to stay with Mrs. Mallard.

Ducky's mother was usually kind and very loving, but her Alzheimer’s was getting worse with every passing day.

So Tony found himself once again in one of Ducky's guest rooms, where he lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling, with all kinds of scenarios running through his head.

What if Gibbs doesn't remember us?

What if he remembers, but doesn't want us anymore?

Tears were gathering in his eyes again, but the fluttering feeling in his lower abdomen distracted him, and he slipped one of his hands under his sweatshirt.

“We're not meant to be happy, tyke,” he whispered, before he fell into an uneasy sleep filled with all kinds of nightmares.

#

Gibbs sat across from Franks and listened intently what the older man told him.

The juicy steak on his dish tasted like manna after days of eating only soft meals and soups.

He was just putting another bite of it in his mouth, when Franks started to tell him about 9/11 and its

many victims...

Gibbs had just time enough to run to the nearest trashcan, before he lost the contents of his stomach.

“Please tell me we did more then launch couple of cruise missiles,” Gibbs demanded.

“We did, I think,” Franks confirmed, before his eyes became clouded. “Do you remember the time when we went fishing at that beach in Baja? “

Gibbs looked confused for a moment, before he nodded, “Yeah. Just South of El Rosario.”

“I've got a nice little place there,” Franks smiled faintly. “No TV, no radio and no newspapers of any kind. I go fishing now and then, drink some beer, I listen to old 8-track tapes and sometimes I drive up the coast to a small cantina, mostly if I'm in the need for some company, and my pick-up’s running. I know it's hard to believe, but this is the first time I’ve been to el Norte in ten years. You can't ask me what's going on in this world, Jethro. I wouldn't know about it.”

Gibbs watched Franks intently for a moment, before his eyes became hard and he hissed, ”You don't want to know.”

Franks nodded, and took a deep pull of his ever-present cigarette, “You're right, I don't want to know.”

“You're feeling guilty, because you gave up everything here and left. If you hadn't, maybe you would have been able to prevent it,” Gibbs accused Franks.

Franks didn’t look a bit offended by that, simply replied, “You're still here.”

Gibbs swallowed.

'He's right,' he thought.

Franks took another pull from his cigarette, “Neither of us knew what would happen, Probie, or else we would have stopped them a long time ago.”

Gibbs sighed.

“And?” Franks asked. “Did this trigger any memories?”

Gibbs thought carefully, before he shook his head, “I think I remember the things I've been told about, but there are still black spots everywhere.”

#

Jenny watched Jethro sleep.

Franks had reported that Jethro didn't remember much, but there was still this little spark of hope

in her that he would remember her if nothing else.

She watched Jethro open his eyes.

The man had always been able to change from sleep into wakefulness in a matter of a few seconds and now was no exception; he turned his head and glared at her through hard, blue eyes.

“Hello Jethro,” Jenny said softly and smiled at him.

Gibbs closed his eyes tightly.

Pictures of him being in bed with her were flashing behind his closed eyes, and they made something in him stand up and take notice.

Jenny smiled when the woman beside her whispered, “He remembers you.”

“What did you remember?” Jenny asked and watched Gibbs pull one of his legs up to hide the bulge under his covers.

“You remembered us, right? What exactly?” she asked daringly. “Do you remember us in bed together?”

The woman at her side huffed, but Jenny couldn't help herself, she had to know.

Gibbs eyes shot open.

Somehow it felt wrong to remember her, as if something was tainted by it.

He forced himself into opening his eyes, into looking at her closely, and he saw something sparkling in her eyes but it disappeared before he could put a finger on it.

Gibbs did the only thing he could think of at the moment; he denied the erotic memories, which were still sending bolts of lust down into his crotch.

“No,” he said in a strong voice and turned away from the redheaded woman.

Jenny flinched.

'Could it really be that-?'

“Don't believe him,” the woman at her side whispered and pointed over to Gibbs. “He's remembering you just fine.”

Jenny took a deep breath.

This was her best chance to make it right in her world and nothing would stand in her way...

...not even Leroy Jethro Gibbs....

Tears were running down Jenny's face when she whispered, “but... but Jethro... you've got to remember me. We were going to get married soon.”

The woman at Jenny's side clapped her hands, “Oh, good one, hun.”

“What are you talking about,” Gibbs had turned back around.

“I'm telling the truth, Jethro,” Jenny came over to the bed and sat down beside Gibbs. She took a hold of one of Gibbs' hands. “Do you really don't remember me... us... our time together?”

Gibbs shook his head, his eyes never leaving Jenny's face.

“Maybe it helps when I tell you some things about us-”

The woman let herself fall into one of the chairs at the opposite of Gibbs' bed and listened to

Jenny spin her web around the man.

#

Abby tried to bounce around her lab like she always did when she was tired as hell, but even her music, which was blasting through her speakers, couldn't help her to chase away the fog in her head.

Only a maxi dose of Caf-Pow could do that, but Gibbs wasn't-

The young Goth stopped suddenly and her sight went blurry when tears gathered in her eyes and spilled over.

Gibbs, her silver fox, could have been killed by that bomb and now he'd forgotten them all.

She let herself slip to the floor and hugged her knees...

#

Ziva watched how Jenny was talking to Gibbs.

This couldn't be good, right?

She watched how Shepard bent down and gave Gibbs a long, deep kiss and the Mossad officer had

to bite down on her lower lip to prevent herself from screaming.

This just felt plain wrong.

So she straightened her back and got ready to face the Director, only to be intercepted by a stern looking nurse...

#

Tony sat on the edge of his bed and watched the moon through the open window.

Ducky said it was cold outside, evidence of the coming cold seasons, but nothing could be colder

than the coldness inside of him.

The cold, which was spreading inside of him and making him numb.

He didn't realize that he'd been crying until his eyes started to burn.

'If I only had been with him,' he thought.

'And then what? You know him better than anyone, do you really think he would have taken you with him?'

“No,” Tony whispered.

'That's right. No. You would have sat in that car with McGee and David and watched from the other side of the docks as the ship blew up.'

“Ssssh.”

'Ssssh? Come on, man. DiNozzo's don't cry and DiNozzo's don’t give up easily.'

“I'm not giving up,” Tony said, his voice still nothing more than a whisper.

'You could have fooled me,' his inner voice taunted. 'With you sitting here and crying like a little girl.'

“What can I do?” Tony asked the moon. “I can't go over to the hospital and tell him about me and the baby.”

'Why not?'

“Are you kidding? He won't believe me... Hell, the last thing I heard about him was that he's still mourning his family.”

'That's right... the last thing you've heard.'

“Maybe I should visit him?” Tony frowned and rose from the bed.

'Maybe you should.'

#

Director Shepard grabbed her purse and gave Gibbs one last kiss, “I'll be back to get you tomorrow, alright?”

Gibbs nodded, “The doctor said he would let me go around lunchtime.”

“Around lunchtime it is then,” Jenny confirmed and walked away, a smug smile playing around her lips.

Maybe they had lost the information Abu Ghalib had given to Gibbs, but she, Jenny Shepard, had won after all.

Ziva wasn't fast enough to escape that nurse and stop the Director, but maybe, if she could make Gibbs remember her...

She slipped into Gibbs' room. The big lights were turned off; only the lights directly above the head of the bed were still on, and they were giving the man on the bed a surreal appearance.

The Mossad officer watched Gibbs for a moment and then a slight smile graced her lips.

The older man had his eyes closed and his chest moved with the rhythm of deep breaths.

'He's sleeping,' she thought and extended her hand to touch his shoulder, only to jump in surprise when Gibbs' eyes snapped open and he grabbed her wrist.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Ziva. Officer Ziva David,” she explained in a whisper.

“Israeli?” he asked and Ziva nodded.

“Mossad,” she confirmed.

“So what can I do for the Mossad, Officer David?” Gibbs asked, sounding almost bored.

“Remember,” Ziva blurted out.

Gibbs looked at her strangely before he shook his head, “I can't,” Gibbs pulled a face. “I've tried.”

“Then try harder,” Ziva growled.

Gibbs jumped out of his bed and glared at her, before he watched her face in surprise when she took

his face between her hands.

Tears were gathering in the young woman's eyes when she said, ”“Ari. Ari killed Kate. And I…” She was sobbing now, “I killed Ari!”

Gibbs eyes were starting to grow larger in disbelief.

This name sounded oddly familiar.

“Ari. Your brother,” Gibbs said suddenly and watched how Ziva nodded.

Pictures were flashing through his mind and he closed his eyes.

Ziva with her gun above the stairs to his basement.

A man.

A gun.

A name.

Ari Haswari.

He didn't know what else happened, but when he opened his eyes he held the young woman in his arms, who was now crying openly against his chest.

“You shot your brother to protect me?” Gibbs felt Ziva nod against his chest and pushed her away a little when more and more memories were starting to reappear.

“We need to go to NCIS,” Gibbs said suddenly and pushed Ziva gently further away from himself to have space to move.

“You remember?” she asked, her voice sounding hopeful.

“I remember that it wasn't Ghalib who met me on the Kamir Bakir,” Gibbs said and went to the door to his his room.

“Wait,” Ziva called when it became clear that the older man wanted to leave the hospital in his

backless gown. “You can't walk around like this.”

Ziva smiled, when Gibbs glared at her.

“You're backside is sparkling out,” she explained, which earned her another glare until understanding dawned and Gibbs grinned, before he disappeared...

He came back a few minutes later, dressed in blue scrubs, “Happy?”

“Yes,” Ziva nodded and followed the older man out.

#

The bullpen was silent.

Much like when one of their own had died, and McGee had a hard time ignoring the hushed conversations and the pity-filled looks of his coworkers.

He thought about what Gibbs, Todd, David or even DiNozzo would do in his place, and grinned when he remembered all the things Tony had done to him in times like this.

Spitballs.

Glue on his keyboard.

Exploding pens...

God how he missed those times now.

He jumped a little when a set of small arms wound their way around his shoulders, but he relaxed when he recognized Abby's perfume.

“Hey Timmy,” she greeted him softly, and McGee could tell that she'd been crying.

“Hey,” he greeted back and pressed himself against her slim body.

'Only for a moment,' he told himself.

“How are you holding up?” the Goth asked.

McGee sighed deeply, “I-”

The 'ping!' of the arriving elevator interrupted him and both of them gave a gasp of surprise when they saw Gibbs and Ziva emerging from it.

“The Director,” Gibbs asked without stopping.

“MTAC boss,” McGee answered and jumped up from his chair.

“Bossman? Is it really you?” Abby asked and threw herself into Gibbs' arms. The man looked confused for a moment, before his still confused mind supplied him with the name he needed.

“I remember you, but I don't have time for this right now, Abbs,” he said and pushed her gently away, before he made his way over to the stairs.

“Gibbs?” Abby whispered brokenly, not understanding that the older man would be this rude to her.

Gibbs disappeared into MTAC, only to reappear a few moments later.

Everyone watched how he went over to his desk, opened one of the drawers, and stopped when he saw two guns lying in there.

Two guns and two badges.

Everyone held their breath, but Gibbs just moved on, like nothing had happened.

After all, Jenny had told him what happened between his Second in Command and him.

Shepard watched from the stairs how Gibbs took his gun and badge out of the drawer and handed them over to McGee, before he turned to Ziva to talk to her shortly.

He asked the older ME something and Ducky nodded, before both of them started to walk over to the elevator.  
The entire floor was silently watching what was going on, except for the woman beside Jenny, who was screaming and jumping up and down for joy...


	20. Chapter 20

One and a half months later:

The winter season had been hard on the expecting young man,.Tony stood, his cold hands wrapped around a steaming cup filled with hot chocolate, in front of one of the windows in the living room and was watching the snowfall.

Abby had outdone herself with the Christmas decorations. The young Goth and McGee had almost used an entire day to decorate the house and Tony was sure that no one would believe that Abby would be capable of decorate with something other than skulls and black baubles, but the house, especially the living room, was sparkling in deep red and gold, a small tree was set up in one corner, and Abby sat on the couch and was busy stringing popcorn.

McGee had started on dinner, knowing that the young, pregnant man was not able to do anything other than stand over at the window and watch the street in front of the house, like everyday since that day.

///*

“Doctor Mallard?” Jimmy asked, when he stepped into Autopsy.

“I'm over here, Mister Palmer,” the older ME answered from behind a stack of boxes.

“I see our order of supplies finally arrived,” Jimmy stated and grabbed himself something to open one of the cartons.

“As my dear mother would say, Mister Palmer, better late than never,” Ducky replied and pointed over to some papers. “If you wouldn't mind, Mister Palmer?”

“Oh,” Jimmy nodded. “Of course, Doctor.”

“So,” Ducky said when he bent down to get the smallest carton from the stack. “Why did you search for me?”

“Huh?” Jimmy looked confused for a moment, before he remembered. “Oh, right... ehm, I did bring the reports up to Cynthia, just like you've told me and, and... did you know that Cynthia's sister is pregnant with her third child?”

Ducky sighed, “Is that what you wanted to tell me, Mister Palmer. It is interesting, but clearly not as important-”

“No, no, Doctor. I'm sorry,” Jimmy was blushing lightly. “I had to wait a little until Cynthia was finished and I heard how she told another woman about it-”

“Mister Palmer,” Ducky interrupted. “Surely there is a point in there?”

Jimmy took a deep breath, “I heard the director talking-”

“Well, that's not surprising,” Ducky said with a sigh.

“Well, no it's not, but-” Jimmy jumped in surprise when the doors to Autopsy slid open.

“Ducky?” the Director called and Ducky frowned when the younger man closed his eyes, before the older man went over to Director Shepard.

“Madam Director,” Ducky greeted the woman with a warm smile.

#

Mike Franks watched Gibbs stare into the flames in front of them and sighed.

He’d watched his probie for over a month now and couldn’t say that he was happy with what he was seeing, or not seeing.

The man by side was nothing like the man he remembered.

The retired agent thought about the possible ways to get the other man to talk and was surprised when Gibbs started to talk by himself.

“She said I had an affair with one of my coworkers,” Gibbs started and took a sip from his beer, only to pull a face at the warm liquid.

“Who?” Franks asked.

“Jenny,” Gibbs answered, still staring into the fire. “She said that she'd been out of town for a while and he-”

“Hold up Probie,” Franks said. “A he?”

Gibbs nodded, “My former 2IC.”

“Former?”

“Yeah, she told me he quit when she came back,” Gibbs answered with a small nod.

“I'll be damned,” Franks grinned slightly.

*Who would have guessed?*

“Yeah well, Jenny said we had an affair for almost six months, until she came back.”

Franks shook his head in disbelief, “Probie, we both know how it feels to have someone cheating on us, right? Do you really-” He lifted a hand when Gibbs tried to say something. “- do you really think you were able to do the same to someone you love? I mean, hell, I’ve known you since the day-”

“I know,” Gibbs said flatly.

“Do you love her?” Franks' question hit the spot.

“Hell, that's the problem,” Gibbs answered. “I just don't know.”

“Oh, come on. You can do better than that.”

“I... I... I have these pictures in my head. Why is it that I can remember everything and almost everyone, except for this story Jenny told me?”

Franks shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, before he bent down and extended his hand to his friend. “Come on Probie. It's time for a visit to the cantina.”

#

Tony sat beside McGee and Abby on the couch after dinner, and couldn't fight the envy which came alive in his chest when he saw how happy both of them were with each other.

He blushed when Abby smiled at him.

“Everything alright, Tony?” the young Goth asked concerned.

Tony wanted to scream, “No, nothing is alright! I'm fucking tired of everything!”, but the younger man nodded instead, before he shrugged and rose up from his seat.

“I think I will take a bath,” the younger man said, trying to hide the burning tears in his eyes.

“Wait, I'll-” Abby started and pushed herself away from McGee.

“No,” Tony interrupted harshly. “Don't.”

Abby's eyes became huge and watery, but she watched Tony make his way across the room and into the kitchen without saying anything more.

McGee wrapped his arms tightly around Abby's waist and pulled her against his chest.

“He's hurting so much, Timmy,” Abby whispered, and felt McGee close his arms a little tighter around her waist.

#

Ducky had just grabbed his coat and hat when the telephone on his desk started to ring.

“Autopsy. Doctor Mallard speaking.”

The older man almost stopped breathing when he heard an all too familiar voice asking, “Ducky?”

“Mister Gibbs, how can I help you?” Ducky asked, his sarcasm sharp as a knife to the man at the other side of the phone.

“Ducky... I-”

Ducky sighed, “You had us quite worried since you disappeared, Mister Gibbs. So forgive me, but I am not in the mood to make small talk with you.”

“I-” Ducky could hear how Gibbs swallowed heavily. “Can we meet? I- I need to talk to you.”

“Not today, I'm afraid,” Ducky answered, not wanting to make it easy for the older Agent who had left them all behind without a word, even when he understood that it wasn’t really Gibbs’ fault.

“No,” Gibbs confirmed. “Not today, but maybe the day after tomorrow.”

“Well, alright. We can meet for lunch the day after tomorrow at 12:00 at Luigi's.”

“Thank you, my friend.”

#

“Can you believe that the man disappeared without a sign?” the woman asked, and let herself slip to the floor in front of the fireplace.

“I've called everyone I could think of-” Jenny defended and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Oh, I know that, love,” the woman sighed. “But I'm still convinced that either that hooker DiNozzo or Franks knows where he is.”

“You think they lied to me?” Jenny asked with a frown, and closed her eyes when a bolt of pain shot through her head.

“You should really take a vacation, babe,” the woman said. “All this stress isn't good for you.”

Jenny snorted, “I can take a vacation when I've found Jethro and we're married.”

#

Tony sighed.

He had used the excuse of taking a bath way too many times in the last few weeks, but his time in the bathroom was the only time he had all for himself nowadays.

The running water could mask some of his misery.

He was moving like a robot through the small room, turning the water on and opening the package containing the effervescent bath balls he and Gibbs had bought a while ago for their “special moments” without really realizing what he was doing, and the scent of patchouli spread through the room.

He felt so cold, not on the outside, but inside...

Tony stared at the water in the tub, its color changing from clear to a Bordeaux red when the ball broke into its ingredients in the warm water and he remembered what Gibbs had done the last time they had taken a bath together, and his tears couldn't be held back anymore.

He cried without a sound when he got rid of his clothes and stepped into the tub.

A kick in his lower abdomen had Tony hitching his breath, before he laid a hand on the swelling, which was now not as soft as it had been, but still soft enough not to reveal his pregnancy to an unknowing eye.

“Hush little baby-” he started to sing. Caressing the skin under his hand where he knew was his baby growing. “-don't say a word, Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird...”

In moments like this Tony was almost able to pretend that everything was alright in his world; he could forget the burning in his throat and eyes from crying for hours without end, and that the house felt oddly empty, even with the company he usually had-

-if it hadn’t been for the knock at the door and Ducky's voice asking, “Anthony, my boy, is everything alright?”

*Alright?* Tony thought. *Sure, everything's fine, if you don't think about the fact that my lover left me.* Tony looked down his body to the place where his baby was growing, *He probably doesn't even remember us, but hell, who cares, right? As long as I'm smiling-*

“Anthony, answer me or I’m coming in,” Ducky threatened, and Tony felt anger welling up in him and he finally snapped.

“Why is it that I'm not allowed to do anything by myself?” he shouted as loud as he could, ignoring the sharp kick from his child he earned for that. “Why is it that I have to give a report to someone every few minutes? Why am I not allowed to have a little breathing space now and then?”

“Now Anthony,” Ducky chided after he'd opened the door and listened to all of Tony's ranting with his typical English patience.

Tony glared at the older man and pulled a towel laying nearby into his lap.

“I am very sorry about this, my boy,” Ducky said, when he realized what he'd just done and turned around to leave the room.

The young man sighed explosively, “It's okay, Ducky. I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have lost it like that.”

“Nonsense, Anthony,” Ducky replied and turned back around to sit on the rim of the bathtub. “I think everyone would feel the same way in times like this-”

“Why did he leave us, Ducky?” Tony asked suddenly, and Ducky felt the familiar ping of anger and betrayal in his chest.

“I wish I could give you an answer, Anthony,” Ducky whispered. “I really do.”

The older man sighed and stood up.

“I'll go and make us a cup of tea,” Ducky said and turned to the door.

The older ME spared a short glance into the mirror above the sink, and his heart almost stopped when he saw the shaking shoulders.

///*

Abby, McGee and Ducky had stayed and kept Tony company for most of the evening before the older man had ushered Abby and McGee away and sent Tony to bed.

The place the younger man dreaded like nothing else, but he went anyway, knowing that he wouldn't win any kind of discussion with his older friend.

Tony sleep had been dreadful for weeks. His baby had chosen to be even more active in the nights when Tony tried to find some rest and was almost constantly kicking against his organs, which was keeping him awake until the early morning hours and even if he was lucky and was able to find some sleep, it wasn't a restful one, because it was always filled with nightmares he couldn't remember when he was awake.

He thought about moving.

There really was no reason anymore to stay, except for the memories of the good times he'd had, and with the money he had saved and inherited it wouldn't be a problem to find a nice, small house somewhere else, just for the two of them...

Tony sighed when a kick against his abdominal wall sent a sharp pain through his body.

He glanced at the clock on the nightstand and sighed.

5.45am.

“Good morning, tyke,” Tony placed a hand on his belly, just where the kick had been and was surprised to be able to feel the outline of a tiny foot under his fingers. “Wow, that's you.”

His eyes wide, the younger man turned around on the big bed to share this little wonder which made his heart beat so damn fast that he felt like it would jump straight out of his chest, only to look at the unused side of the bed.

“Damn,” he whispered in a mix of anger and sadness, and turned back to roll out of bed. His hand moved automatically to the bottle of pills on the nightstand. His morning sickness had returned.

Doctor Ashley had said it was a possibility that the stress was simply too much to handle for him and his body was showing him its limits the only way it could, and Tony resigned himself into swallowing everything the doctor could give him, if it would mean that the baby would stay healthy.

After all, the baby was everything he had now.

“What do you think of a cup of tea, tyke?” Tony asked in a whisper, knowing that he couldn't handle solid food so early in the mornings. “Do you think someone is waiting for us?”

Tony moved slowly to the door, trying to listen for any sound company would make downstairs.

The Team had basically moved in with him, making sure that the pregnant man was eating and resting regularly and was keeping him company, even when he tried to make them understand that he wouldn't need a 24/7 monitoring.

Tony knew about the plan they had made, a work schedule so to speak, which managed the babysitting times of everyone. Tony had cursed at them and even went so far as to use excerpts of every movie he knew of to torture McGee and Abby when they came for their first shift, but in the end he had to admit that both of them could be even more pigheaded then him.

Tony accepted that the Team wanted to care for him, even when the care was sometimes hard to endure.

He loved Abby, for example, but her constant need for activity made him dizzy and grouchy in some ways... or McGee, who tried so hard to act normal around the pregnant man and failed in such an epic way... the only one of the team who had a more calming effect on Tony was Ducky, maybe because of his dear old mother, who suffered from Alzheimer's, maybe because of his English heritage. Tony wasn't sure and didn't really care. The fact was that he enjoyed the company of the older ME, who thought that a cup of tea was able to solve all the problems of this world.

The younger man reached the stairs, and with one hand against his belly and one hand on the handrail, made his way slowly down. He was cautious on the steps, since a dizzy spell had hit him on them a few days ago and he'd almost fallen down. He would have fallen if it hadn’t been for Ducky, who had caught him just in time.

“Easy,” Tony reminded himself softly and patted his abdomen, when he felt the baby moving inside. Suddenly he snorted, “I think, I now know how the men in Aliens must have felt like-”

The opening of the front door caught Tony by surprise, and he stopped on the middle of the stairs to watch who was entering the house so early, shivering slightly when the cold air from outside hit his body.

His eyes widened in shocked surprise when Gibbs walked into the house and let his duffel bag fall to the floor with a heavy 'Thump!'.

The older man was not alone; the man from the hospital was following him in.

Mike Franks.

Gibbs looked up, his blue eyes burning into Tony's like daggers.

“What are you doing in my house?” Gibbs asked.

...my house.... MY House...

Tony wasn't able to answer.

His heart was pounding loudly and his throat felt like someone was strangling him...

Suddenly he was oddly conscious of himself.

Dressed only in boxers, some sizes too big, and a ratty T-shirt he felt like he would freeze to death any moment.

Mike Franks was casting a curious glance over the younger man's body, and Tony felt the urge to run back upstairs and to hide under the bed.

“He lives here.” Ducky's calm voice came from somewhere in the living room and the spell which had held Tony captive was broken when Gibbs turned his gaze away.

“Anthony, my boy.” Ducky appeared at the bottom of the stairs and waited patiently until Tony tore his eyes away from Gibbs. “Why don't you go upstairs and get dressed, and I’ll go and see to our friends?”

The word “friends” held a sharp undertone in it, like the older man was ready to slice both men open on one of his tables.

Tony swallowed and nodded curtly, before he turned slowly around and started to climb back up the stairs.

#

“What's he doing in my house?” Gibbs asked with a growl, and Ducky sighed deeply before he asked in turn.

“Where have you been?”

“Mexico,” Franks answered from behind Gibbs. “With me.”

“I see,” Ducky said, and walked back into the living room, where he picked up the book he'd been reading when he waited for Tony to make his way downstairs.

Gibbs followed, surprised to see the changes in the house.

The whole living room looked different...

Everything had been moved around to make room for a small Christmas tree, decorated in gold and red; decorations were placed everywhere, but his eyes were drawn to the fireplace and the photos on it.

“What is the last thing that you remember from your time before you awoke at the Hospital?”

Gibbs refused to turn away from Shannon's smiling face and kept silent, apparently waiting too long because Franks gave him a soft slap against the back of his head.

“Answer him, Probie,” Franks ordered, and searched his pockets for his pack of cigarettes.

“I remember clearly how I joined NIS, how I was teamed up with Jenny and I remember my first meeting with you-” Gibbs answered softly and traced Shannon's face with one of his fingers. “I don't remember setting them up-”

“You didn't,” Ducky said. “Anthony did, after he moved in with you.”

Gibbs gasped in surprise and whirled around.

“You don't remember that part, do you?”

 

“Yes and No,” Franks was answering this time. “This Jenny told him a few things-”

“Don't, Mike,” Gibbs said harshly, but Franks ignored him. “If Anthony moved in with him, does that mean it wasn’t a simple affair?”

“Affair?” Ducky asked confused, but then shook his head. “You can hardly call something like this an affair.”

Gibbs turned around to both men.

“Tell me what she told you, Jethro,” Ducky demanded, letting himself drop on the couch and patting the seat beside himself.

#

'He's back...he's back...he's back...'

*What are you doing in MY house?*

Tony stood in the middle of the bedroom and tried to keep his shaking body still by embracing himself.

The baby, feeling the tension around it, started to move restlessly and Tony lay down on the bed and started to hum a tune from his favorite movie, knowing that it would calm them both down.

#

“You and Jenny had a, what is it called? On and off relationship? A few weeks long, I believe, when you two were overseas in France and Russia,” Ducky explained. “You broke it off.”

Ducky took a sip from his tea and had his first good look at Gibbs, who seemed lost in some memories.

Bodies entwined and sweaty... her fingernails on his back... Flash... Jenny's face in a mirror, her vibrant red hair covered with a dark haired wig... Flash... a gun... Flash... men, who were trying to hold him down and Jenny watching from across the street without doing anything...

Gibbs shook his head, “Did I ever tell you why?”

“No,” Ducky leaned back in his chair. “The only thing you have told me was it was an error you would never repeat willingly.”

“Rule #12,” Gibbs confirmed, and Ducky grinned when he saw the confused look on Mike Franks' face.

“You have met quite a few women since then, my friend, but not a single one could hold your interest for longer than a few months at the most and, I believe, that there were a few men, too, but you have been more than discrete with them,” Ducky explained on. “Well, until you and Anthony-”

“I,” Gibbs interrupted and looked from Franks to Ducky. “I- I didn't know that you knew about DiNozzo and me.”

'Not only that,' Ducky thought.

“Well,” Ducky cleared his throat. “I think you should tell me now what she told you.”

Gibbs sighed, “I need a cup of coffee first.”

#

Jenny had watched the house for some time now and couldn't believe her eyes, when Gibbs and

Franks stepped out of a cab and entered the house.

“Didn't I tell you that they have been lying to you?” the woman beside her asked.

“Shut up,” Jenny hissed, and started to get out of the car.

A soft touch on her shoulder stopped her, “Where do you think you're going?”

“I need to have a look inside,” Jenny stated.

“Oh no,” the woman hissed. “Didn't you see the thick layer of snow surrounding the house?

They will know that someone had been there-”

“You're right,” Jenny said and relaxed back into her seat.

“I'm always right,” the woman gloated and this time it was Jenny's turn to snort.

“Let's drive back to the office,” Jenny said after another look at the house. “I've got some things to take care of.”

#

Gibbs had never seen Ducky this angry.

The older ME was pacing in front of him and Franks, cursing like a drunken sailor, until he turned suddenly and disappeared upstairs.

“My, my,” Franks said after a moment of stunned silence. “Remind me that I never want to piss him off.”

*I wonder why he reacted like this,* Gibbs thought and jumped to his feet when a picture flashed through his mind.

A leather clad photo book, placed on one of the shelves of the bookcase besides the fireplace...

Gibbs went over to the shelves and...

...there it was...

Soft brown leather, not very big, but a little longer than an average book.

Gibbs' chest constricted when he read the title of it, written in golden letters stood:

My First Photo's

“What do you have there, Probie?” Franks asked from his seat on the couch, looking disinterested, but if someone had looked closer they would have sees the sparkle of curiosity in the man's eyes.

Gibbs opened the book and his hands were starting to tremble.

My very first picture was written above a small black and white photo which held a very small dot in its center. Someone had encircled it with a red pen and written, “Don't judge me on my size, but on how much I'm loved.”

*That's Abby's handwriting,* Gibbs realized.

He moved the pages, every single one of them were the same, only the dot from the first picture changed into the full body of an unborn child.

Moving bodies on the couch... Flash... hurting eyes... deep pain... Flash... a hotel and a man's body in his arms... Flash... a doctor grinning and handing over small piece of paper, a picture...

Gibbs' head started to spin and he had to hold himself upright by clinging to the shelves-

“He's pregnant,” Gibbs whispered, his voice filled with a mix of disbelief and wonder.

“What?” Franks asked. “What did you just say?”

“Tony,-” Gibbs said and turned around. “-he's pregnant with my child.”

Franks stopped moving, too stunned to work though what he'd just heard, before he let out a loud “Oh Shit,” and let himself relax deeper into the cushions of the couch. “That's something else.” he accepted what he was hearing, knowing that he would get the details later.

“She lied to me,” Gibbs said, his eyes blazing in anger. “She made me believe that I've cheated on her, but we've never even been together since Europe.”

#

Ducky knocked at the door and waited a moment, before he opened it after he received no answer.

Yes, he had been furious when he learned what Jenny Shepard had told Gibbs, but the sight that greeted him when he stepped into the room made his anger disappear.

Tony had fallen asleep on the bed, one hand covering his belly and the other was placed in the middle of a pillow from which Ducky knew had to be Gibbs'.

The small kitten, well not as small as it had been when Tony had first shown it to him, lay curled up at the sleeping man's side and Ducky could clearly hear her purring from where he stood.

Ducky sighed heavily, and took the comforter from the foot side of the bed to cover the young man before he stood and watched them for some moments.

*How dare she tell Jethro something like this?* Ducky balled his hands into tight fists. *And why did he believe her so easily?*

Well, Doctor Mallard knew that there was no way that Gibbs would have been able to recognize what Jenny told him as a lie, but his heart was a different matter.

#

Gibbs took the stairs two at a time, ignoring his protesting knee and with only one thing in his mind, “Tony!”

“He is sleeping, Jethro,” Ducky said from his place beside the bed. “I take it you are remembering now?”

Gibbs nodded and Ducky sighed, before the older man stepped up to him and placed a hand on Gibbs shoulder.

“I-,” Gibbs started, but realized that he didn't really knew what he wanted to say, he held his breath when he had his first good look at Tony.

Tony looked worn out, his body thinner than it had been, but the bulge in which Gibbs now knew was growing their child was prominent like a sore thumb to his eyes. The younger man was clad in a ridiculous pair of boxers, way too large for his body-

“He tires easily,” Ducky explained in a whisper, guessing what Gibbs thought. “The last few weeks haven’t been easy on the poor lad.”

“Tell me,” Gibbs demanded, and Ducky frowned at him before he nodded and pointed to the door.

Gibbs was more than a little reluctant to leave the room, but followed Ducky nonetheless.

“Anthony tried to find you the first few weeks after you disappeared on us,” Ducky explained, his voice clinical, like he was discussing a autopsy with Gibbs and not his lover and it was strange to say, but Gibbs felt a wave of thankfulness for that. “And there have been a few days in which he was hardly able to set one foot in front of another-”

*Depression,* Gibbs realized with a start and this realization made his throat constrict.

“-the morning sickness came back with a vengeance. Doctor Ashley had to admit him into the hospital for two days after he almost fell down the stairs one morning.”

Gibbs paled.

“The good doctor gave him a prescription against it, after it became clear that the meds he had used before wasn't helping much anymore. We were able to get it under control, but young Anthony still has his problems with solid foods, especially in the mornings.”

The sound of something heavy hitting the highest level of the stairs startled Ducky and when he turned around he saw that it was Gibbs, who now sat on top of the stairs with his head in his hands.

“How,” Gibbs cleared his throat, and Ducky was even more shocked when he saw the thick tears in the older man's eyes. “Oh god, this is so fucked up, Ducky.”

A slight creaking sound behind Gibbs had Ducky distracted for a moment, and he watched in awe how Tony let himself sink to his knees behind Gibbs.

“How can he forgive me?” Gibbs asked and he hissed in surprise when cold fingers suddenly touched his neck.

“You let your hair grow,” Tony stated in a whisper and moved his fingers from the neck up into the grey hair of Gibbs' head. “Makes you look like this guy from the movie-”  
Ducky turned away from the pair, sighing in relief when he heard Gibbs' soft laughter, but the feeling of relief mixed itself with hot burning anger when he heard how the laughter turned into heavy sobs...


	21. Chapter 21

Mike Franks stood on the veranda and puffed on one of his cigarettes, since the feisty old man in the kitchen had kicked him out of the house when he pulled the pack from his breast pockets.

He watched the falling snow for a moment, before he sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers.

He wondered briefly when he had left reality and stepped into the land of Oz...

The slamming of a car door pulled Franks' mind back to the here and now, and he watched in fascination how a young woman dressed in something tight and black came up the stairs with a look of open mistrust on her face.

“Can I help ya?” Franks' asked, and took another deep pull from his cigarette.

“No,” Abby answered curtly. “I don't think so. Who are you?”

Abby cocked her head to one side and Franks noted privately that she was a very good looking girl, when he ignored all the black clothes on her.

“Name's Mike Franks, Missy.”

“Mike Franks?” Abby frowned and Franks saw a spark of recognition in her eyes when she made the connection. “You're that Mike Franks? Gibbs' boss? Gibbs... Is he here? Is he back? Why are you standing out here? Something bad happened, right? I knew it! I shouldn't have left yesterday, he'd been too-”

“Whoa, Sweetheart-” Franks' head wouldn't stop spinning after all those rapid- fire questions. “-maybe you should take a breath or a stiff drink or something.”

“You're kidding, right?” Abby asked with wide eyes. “Do you even know what you're talking about?”

Franks just grinned at the young Goth who looked ready to tear him apart, before she huffed annoyedly and burst through the door and into the house.

#

Tony couldn't help it and started to trace the face in front of him with one finger.

So strange and yet so oddly familiar...

He gasped in surprise when the baby gave a mighty kick right into his nearest organs and gasped again when a set of blue eyes was suddenly staring at him.

Tony opened his mouth, but a soft touch on his lips prevented him from saying anything.

“I'm sorry,” Gibbs' whispered and growled when Tony shook his head. “I can't believe I remembered everything else, but not you and our baby.”

“You- you were hurt pretty badly,” Tony gasped again when Gibbs pulled at the blanket and exposed him to his eyes and the somewhat colder air in the room.

“That's no excuse,” Gibbs answered. “God, look at you.”

“He's growing fine,” Tony said and hummed in pleasure when strong hands started to stroke his body.

“Even with all the things you were going through?” Gibbs asked, he frowned when Tony turned his head away.

“It's nothing-”

“Tony,” Gibbs pleaded and used one of his hands to turn the younger man's head around. “Please, look at me.”

Tony turned his head slowly, but closed his eyes just before he had to look into Gibbs', which earned him a soft tap against one of his cheeks.

He sighed before he opened his eyes and admitted, ”The nights were the worst. I felt so alone... and cold.”

Gibbs had to swallow hard when Tony was looking at him through pain-filled green eyes. He felt lost for a moment, unable to form the words which he knew were needed to be said, so he worked his arms around the younger man's body and pulled him against his own.

#

Ducky had just time enough to set his cup of tea back on the counter when Abby burst through the door and looked around with an angry glint in her eyes.

“Abigail,” the older man called and was pierced by a glare, when the young Goth turned around to face him. “Leave them alone for a while.”

Abby's eyes became soft again,” But Ducky-”

“No,” Ducky said firmly and pointed over his shoulder back to the kitchen. “We will give them all the time they need. I have some tea ready, come and join me.”

A clearing throat had them turning in surprise.

“I'm not too fond of tea,” Franks said and shut the front door. “But if you know where they've stashed their coffee-”

“Of course,” Ducky said with a soft smile on his lips. “Come on, lad, and join us.”

#

McGee met Jimmy Palmer, Ducky’s assistant, in the elevator and wondered why the younger man looked so flustered.

“Hey Jimmy,” McGee greeted. “Everything okay?”

“Yes,” answered Jimmy after a moment of hesitation, but suddenly he shook his head. “No, not really.”

McGee widened his eyes in surprise, “What happened?”

Jimmy looked fearful, but only for a second, before he hit a button on the control panel and the elevator lurched to a stop.

McGee sighed softly when the lights went out and they stood in the poorly lit elevator cabin.

#

Jenny sat behind her desk, staring at some sort of forms in her hand, but unable to see anything except Gibbs' face.

She really needed to get this sorted out, once and for all, but Gibbs had to know by now that she'd lied to him...

She threw the paper across her desk and stood.

Why the hell was her life was so full of problems?

Pain pierced her head and a dizzy spell made her stumble...

'Oh please not now,' Jenny held onto the desk with shaking hands and closed her eyes.

“Hey Baby. What's the matter?” The woman was back and Jenny flinched.

“No... nothing,” Jenny gasped when the pain intensified.

“R-i-g-h-t,” the woman stepped in front of Jenny and looked at her like she was mother to a naughty child. “I've got a plan.”

“What plan?” Jenny asked confusedly, and fought against the threatening nausea.

“A plan to finally get that man of yours-”

#

Gibbs had left the bed once he was sure that Tony was sleeping and stood in front of the bedroom window;he was watching the falling snow through tear-filled eyes.

'God, what a mess,' he thought and jumped a little in surprise when he heard a soft jingling noise.

Curious, he followed that sound out of the bedroom, through the corridor, and into the room that had once been Kelly's bedroom.

The room was still painted in Kelly's favorite colors, pink and white, with a huge red castle on one wall.

The jingling came from a small wind chime which hung in the window, sending shards of sparkling light through the room.

* (Flashback)

Gibbs stood in the middle of the room, had a look at his handiwork and shook his head.

Pink... of all available colors it had to be PINK!

“Nice,” Shannon stepped up behind him and snickered when she saw the bewildered look on her husband’s face.

“It's pink,” he said with a hint of irritation in his voice.

“She's a girl, honey.”

“Yeah, I know, Shan. But Pink-”

“-with a dark red castle in the middle of one wall, Pa. And with stars on the ceiling,” Shannon quoted their daughter, who was currently at Mandy's and Gibbs smiled proudly at his wife.

“She knows what she wants, eh?” he asked and grabbed Shannon around her waist.

Shannon nodded and started to nibble on Gibbs' neck, “Both of us do.”

Gibbs groaned and pressed himself against Shannon's body,”What do you say about making an early night?”

“Night?” Shannon feigned shock. “Honey, it's not even evening yet.”

Gibbs sighed and stepped further into the room.

The sex had been fast and furious...something they rarely did, but both of them had needed a way to ease the tension that had been with them since Gibbs knew that he had to leave for yet another mission.

He had been home for barely two weeks...

Gibbs' eyes roamed the room and came to rest on a small box.

Four weeks away from home and Gibbs received his first letter from his girls. Kelly had painted him a picture with Shannon, herself and Gibbs in front of their house.

She'd written I MISS YOU! and I LOVE YOU! in the sky and Gibbs felt a pang of loss in his heart when he read that.

Shannon's letter was long, telling him about their life since he'd left...

'Kelly really needed some new clothes and since I had an appointment with my Doctor we went to the Mall-' Gibbs frowned.

Appointment with her Doctor?

The only Doctor he knew about near the Mall was her Gynecologist...

Uh Oh!

Gibbs rubbed his eyes and tried to concentrate.

'She's gotten some clothes in her favorite color-'

Surprise, Gibbs thought with a smirk.

'And I- Lord who am I kidding here?- That's probably not what you want to read of right now, right?'

Gibbs sighed. Shannon knew him better than he knew himself sometimes.

'The doctor said I'm pregnant... Six weeks- I counted back and it would be the weekend on which you painted Kelly's room-'

Gibbs remembered and sighed when he remembered.

Pregnant...Gibbs shook his head and read the whole letter again, just to make sure he didn't misunderstood anything...

Good thing that his mission was almost over already.

Gibbs rubbed with both hands over his face and sighed wearily. Memory after Memory flashed through his mind-

He came home three weeks later and everything had been wonderful at first...until Shannon had this accident...She'd slipped on the wet floor in the kitchen and crashed with her belly into the corner of the kitchen table...Shannon had first felt only a little pain and discomfort, but in the night she'd started to bleed...

Gibbs had panicked; for the first time in his life he hadn't known what he had to do.

He had gathered his wife and child up and into the car and was heading to the next Hospital as fast as he could, but not fast enough...

Shannon had lost their second child...(End Flashback)

Gibbs felt a tight knot in his throat. The thought of what happened was sending an all too familiar pain through his chest and he rubbed with one of his hands over his heart in remembrance of the pain he'd felt all this years ago.

#

Tony awoke with a start and the feeling of a rolling stomach and was barely able to reach the bathroom before he started to retch.

The meds were there to take the edge off and usually the normal dose would have been enough to get him through the day, but with the sudden appearance of Gibbs and the roller-coaster of emotions he went through it wasn't surprising that the medicine wasn't strong enough today.

The young man let himself drop beside the toilet with a heavy sigh and smiled tiredly when he felt the movement of the baby.

He almost jumped out of his skin when Gibbs suddenly appeared in the door.

“Everything alright?” Gibbs asked with concern, and Tony wondered briefly if it would always be like this between them... both of them were acting so out of character... with him being a wuss and Gibbs, well, Gibbs was so unlike the Gibbs he knew it was almost scaring him more than anything else could.

“Do you want help standing up?” Gibbs asked, a little uncertainly, and watched how Tony averted his eyes for a moment, before the younger man looked up and nodded.

“If you won't mind,” Tony held a hand out to his lover and groaned a little when the movement made his stomach revolt again.

“How can I help?” Gibbs asked.

Tony swallowed heavily, “Could you get me my meds from the nightstand?”

#

“You sure about what you heard,” McGee asked Jimmy and watched Ducky's young assistant nod his head with a churning in his gut.

Granted, he was still a Probie; his investigative skills needed some training and his gut instincts more than a little fine tuning, but even he could understand the hidden danger in the story Jimmy had told him just now.

“Y...y...yes, I'm sure,” Jimmy confirmed and flinched when McGee cursed loudly.

“I tried to talk to Doctor Mallard about it,” Jimmy stopped when he remembered what had happened that day.

“Ducky and the Director know each other for years; there is a good chance that he wouldn't believe us if we told him about this.”

Jimmy nodded and reached over to start the elevator, “What are we doing now?”

“Now?” McGee asked and became silent for a few moments. “We both have some work to do, but I know for sure where Ducky will be this evening and I think we'll have some talking to do.”

#

The meds were fast-acting and Tony sighed when his body was finally able to relax. Gibbs had tried to move him out of the bathroom, but Tony had refused and insisted that he take a shower once the nausea had been taken care of.

He stood on slightly shaking legs and started to strip, only to have Gibbs suddenly in front and helping him to get rid of the clothes.

“You don't need to do that,” Tony said. His voice trembled softly and his face turned crimson.

Gibbs stopped for a moment to have a look at the younger man's face, before he replied, “No, but I want to.”

The back of a calloused hand run over Tony's cheek and Tony leaned into the touch with closed eyes.

The touch disappeared suddenly and Tony heard the shower start and opened his eyes to the sight of a stripping Gibbs.

He wanted to go over there and to wrap his arms around the older man and to never, ever let go of him again.

Tony did make one step forward, but before he could do anything Gibbs turned around to face him and before Tony could do anything he was engulfed in a set of strong arms and pulled against Gibbs' body which smelt of sun and sea, coffee and tobacco.

Gibbs tightened his hold when Tony pushed his nose against his neck and inhaled deeply.

#

“Can I go up there now,” Abby asked and sulked, when Ducky shook his head.

“No my Dear,” Ducky laid a warm hand on one of Abby's. “We have to give them all the time they need to come to terms with everything.”

“But I only want to see them for a minute, Duckman,” the Goth protested and glared at Franks when the man started to snicker. “What's so funny?”

“You.”

Ducky groaned when he saw how Abby prepared herself to have a verbal fight with the former Agent.

#

McGee tried to keep his mind on the files in front of him, but his mind decided against it and wandered back to what Jimmy had told him.

His glazed look attracted the attention of his partner Ziva David, who had watched him for a while before she stood and walked over to his desk.

“Hey McGee,” she greeted and was a little put off when he didn't react straight away.

She had to call him several times before the young Agent took notice and blushed in embarrassment at being caught like this.

“What were you thinking about?” Ziva asked, and watched curiously how McGee looked around before his eyes were finally settling on her.

“Don't know what you're talking about,” McGee said.

“Oh come on, McGee. You've not been yourself all day,” Ziva growled softly. “You're not talking much...and if I'm correct then this-” she pointed at the back of the monitor in front of her. “-is still the same report as a few hours ago.”

Busted!

McGee glared at her without any heat, “and what if you're right?”

“Nothing,” Ziva replied and smiled. ”But it would tell me that you've got some problems and maybe you want to share?”

McGee's alarm-bells started to ring right then and there, and he shook his head.

“Sorry, Ziva,” he said with as much conviction as he was able to muster. “Nothing to share.”

Ziva David, he remembered, the former Mossad Officer was brought into NCIS by Director Jenny Shepard herself.

“Really, I've got nothing to tell ya.”

Ziva frowned but nodded, knowing that she wouldn't get him to tell her anything today...

“Okay, have it my way, McGee-”

“Have it your way,” McGee corrected without thinking and turned back to the computer.

“What?” Ziva asked a little confused.

“The saying is have it your way, not have it my way,” McGee explained without looking up.

“Oh, right,” Ziva nodded and walked back to her own desk. “Guess I should have a look into the dictionary again.”

McGee nodded, glad to have her distracted for the moment.

#

She watched how the door of her house opened and he stepped in, with a boyish smile on his face and a single red rose in one of his hands.

“Hello Jen,” he said and wrapped his arms around her waist; his body warm against her own.

“How was your day,” she asked somewhat breathless but not wanting to have him let go of her.

He shook his head, “I'm not talking shop with you tonight.”

“No?” she asked playfully and groaned with desire when her mouth was roughly claimed.

He helped her to get rid of her clothes and she could hear him moan when her bra was stripped away and her breasts were freed, before he bent forward and sucked one of her nipples into his hot mouth.

She began to press herself against him, felt the friction of his clothes against her soft skin and felt his burning breath against her neck when he let go of her breast and pulled her up until she could wrap her legs around him and move her crotch against his cock.

“Oh-” she moaned loudly, his slacks giving just the right amount of friction against her vagina to bring her off, but cursed when he pushed her away and down until she sat on the stairs which would lead them upstairs and to their bedroom...later...much later...

He grinned again, but not boyish this time, but like the aggressive lover he could be with her...

She sighed and spread her legs in blatant invitation and he chuckled darkly when he saw how needy she appeared.

“Touch yourself for me,” he demanded and Jenny complied almost instantly. She closed her eyes and let her hands move down her body until her fingers were reaching her “special spot”.

She started to whisper, knowing that it would make him even hotter for her, “Oh...oh...feels sooo good...ohh...”

Jen could feel the air moving and opened her eyes slowly.

The man had moved away a bit and sat down on one of the chairs in the lobby, his slacks open and pooling around his feet and his cock standing hard and proud in a nest of dark curls.

“Come here,” he ordered and Jen was in such a haze that she needed a moment to realize that the man was actually speaking to her, her legs were shaking and she needed to hold onto the handrail for her not to fall down the steps when she finally complied.

“Stop there,” the man said when she stood just in front of him. “Spread your legs a little.”

Jenny moaned, but did as she was told, knowing that it wouldn't do her any good to refuse.

Two hard fingers were shoved into her and she groaned in a mix of pain and pleasure.

“You're ready for me, aren't you?” the man asked, and Jen groaned louder when he pressed his fingers harder into her.

“Y...y...yes,” she whispered and groaned again when he pulled his fingers out only to have them shoved in again.

“That's not loud enough,” he growled.

Jen took a deep breath, almost losing it then and there, but was able to stomp it down again and shout, “Yes.”

“Nice,” the man said, pushed his fingers into her one last time as far as they were able to go before he pulled them out. “Come and ride me.”

Jen sighed and straddled the man's lap, shrieking in pleasure when she felt the hard cock slipping into her.

“Oh god...yeah,” the man panted and Jen smiled before she rose up and let herself sink down again.

She felt his hands coming around her, rubbing over her back and neck and she started to pant.

His hands took a hold of her shoulders and he started to use his strength to slam her back down when she rose up, faster and faster, harder and harder until she could feel his cock growing bigger in her and that his body started to tense up.

“Touch me,” she demanded breathlessly. “Come on and touch me.”

The man ignored her pleas and wrapped his hands around her waist...

“Please,” she was whimpering now. “Please, just...just touch me.”

The man used all his strength to lift her up and away from his body, before he stood... suddenly clothed again and glared down at her through angry blue eyes.

Jen came awake with an anguished shout and hot tears starting to fall.

She realized with a start that she had fallen asleep behind her desk at work and looked a little anxiously towards the door, fearing that Cynthia would burst through it at any moment, and sighed in relief when it stayed closed.

#

Tony leaned against Gibbs under the shower and relaxed when he felt the older man's hands on his body.

He could feel Gibbs' breath against the skin of his neck and had to swallow hard against the tight knot in his throat.

The older man had insisted on washing him and even when Tony tried to protest his body had clearly other ideas because he started to lean into the touch.

Gibbs stopped his hands on the younger man's lower abdomen when he felt a kick from the baby.

“He's strong,” he whispered in awe into the ear of his lover.

“He's probably a little upset,” Tony said, also in a whisper, leaning a little more against Gibbs.

“Can't really blame him for that,” Gibbs stroke softly over the swelling on Tony's body. “Got anything planned for today?”

“Only an appointment with my OBGYN, why?”

“Well... we need to talk,” Gibbs answered and moved his hands to Tony's breasts... only to let them fall away as if burned when Tony hissed in pain.

“I'm sorry,” the younger man said brokenly. “They have been very sensitive since a few days ago.”

Tony turned around and placed a soft kiss against one of Gibbs' cheeks, “Doc said they are hurting so much because they are growing and that I will definitely be able to nurse when the little tyke is born.”

The sudden surge of emotions had Gibbs swallowing and he turned his head into the shower to hide the sudden wetness in his eyes...

Tony misunderstood and huffed annoyed before he stepped out of the shower without another word.

He wrapped himself into one of the extra big towels Abby had given him as a gift, before he turned around again and hissed, “You know? Maybe it's not a bad idea that I want to move out of here, if you're not even able to-”

He came no further because Gibbs was suddenly there, trapping him with his naked body against the door and glaring at him through burning eyes, “You're not moving out.”

Tony gasped when he was kissed with so much force that their teeth clacked together.

Gibbs stopped abruptly, “I don't want to lose you or the baby...I...I...I love you.”

Tony sighed and let his head drop against Gibbs', “Why did you turn away...I know I'm a freak, but-”

He flinched when Gibbs hit the door behind him so hard that it seemed to vibrate through the whole house, “I didn't turn away because of what you've told me, Tony, I turned away because of what I felt...I love you more than life itself-”

#

Abby jumped up from her chair and Ducky looked startled up to the ceiling, but it was Franks who threw the magazine he'd been reading away and was up the stairs in a flash.

A loud knocking came from the front door just when Ducky and Abby reached the stairs and both of them turned around in surprise.

The young Goth was reaching the door first and opened it with a little more force than necessary, startling the old man, who stood, with a raised fist, in front of it.

“Yes?” Abby couldn't hide her nervousness and was bouncing from one foot to another.

“Ehm...'scuse me, Missy,” the old man said and pushed the head of his jacket away from his face to reveal a set of icy blue eyes, framed by hundreds of fine wrinkles. “I'm searching for Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He lives here, right?”

“Well yes-” Abby nodded, her pigtails flying wildly. “-he lives here, but who are you?”  
The man chuckled, “My name is Jackson Gibbs.”


	22. Chapter 22

Mike Franks burst through the bedroom door and stopped in surprise.

Gibbs came just out of the adjoined bathroom, holding hands with the younger man he had seen on the stairs earlier and Franks would have blushed crimson, wouldn't it have been for the fact that he and Gibbs both had been Marines, before they had joined the NCIS, because both of them were stark naked.

The younger man gasped loudly and tried to get back into the bathroom, but Gibbs refused to let him go.

“Everything alright?” Franks asked and ignored how Tony hid behind Gibbs.

“Fine,” replied Gibbs curtly. “We'll be down in a few.”

“Alright,” Franks nodded. “But you better have something good to tell them. The Goth was ready to go through the roof just now.”

The young man groaned and Franks watched with hidden amusement how Gibbs turned around.

#

Abby run upstairs and reached the door to the bedroom right when Franks closed same door slowly.

“Is he in there?” she asked breathlessly and tried to get a hold of the handle, but Franks stepped right into her way.

“Missy, if you don't want to see more of them as you would like to you'll better give them a few minutes to get decent.”

“Decent?” Abby asked confused, before her eyes widen in realization. “Oh!”

And Franks, amused by the antics of the woman, just snorted, before he pulled her along to the stairs.

#

“Let me get something to clean your hand with,” Tony pleaded and tried to free his hand of Gibbs' hold.

“No,” Gibbs replied and pulled at Tony's arm to get him closer. “Please tell me that there's still hope for us."

'Hope?'

Tony frowned.

All this weeks of longing, of heart sickness and pain...all the nights filled with doubt, tears and nightmares and he was asked if they could save this relationship?

The younger man sighed softly and watched how Gibbs went back into the bathroom.

'Is there still hope?' Tony asked himself and some memories of the past few months flew by, good memories, filled with love and warmth and so different than how the last few weeks had been.

He gasped in surprise when Gibbs let a towel drop on his head and started to rub him dry.

Tony watched Gibbs -his lover- for a moment. The older man was a sight for sore eyes, with his chest bare and the hairs on it still glistening with the water clinging to it, a towel was slung around his hips and hung low, so low that only a soft breeze would be necessary to get rid of it.

And suddenly Tony's mouth moved on his own accord, “I love you.”

Gibbs froze and Tony wondered if it had been the wrong thing to say, before the older man smiled softly and stroke the side of Tony's face with the back of his hand.

“I'm glad,” Gibbs whispered. “That means there's still hope.”

Tony nodded, a thick knot in his throat prevented him from speaking out loud.

*****

Abby waited all but ten minutes and watched silently how Ducky tried to have some sort of small talk with the older gentleman, before she started to climb the stairs again.

First she had wanted nothing more than to ream Gibbs a new one for leaving them like he had done, but now, after she had been able to calm down a bit, she wasn't so sure anymore about how to react.

#

Ducky smiled when he saw how the older Gentleman looked around the living room with open curiosity in his eyes.

The older ME wondered what the father of Gibbs would see.

He was startled when Jackson Gibbs asked, “Is my son married again?”

The older Gibbs turned around to face Ducky, a slight smile on the weathered face. “Because the house hadn't looked like that since his first marriage.”

“No, he isn't,” Ducky didn't knew how much of Jethro's relationship with Anthony was known by his father, so he kept silent about it for now...

#

Gibbs watched Tony for a moment, before he went to one of the dresser and got some clothes out.

He didn't knew what he could do to make it right again between them, but he swore fiercely that he would do anything in his power to do whatever would be necessary.

“Do you want to come along to my appointment?” Tony asked shyly and Gibbs was fast to nod in affirmation, before he remembered something else.

“If we can make a little detour ,” Gibbs said and smiled when he saw Tony's frown. “I've got to have a talk with someone.”

#

Abby came through the bedroom door just when Gibbs and Tony had finished to get dressed and after all that happened, after all she went through with Tony, after all those days in which she had wished to say and do to the older man who had hurt them so badly, the only thing she felt was this overwhelming sense of joy to have her silver fox back where he belonged.

“Gibbs!” she shouted and with three steps and one mighty jump she was in his arms, peppering the face with butterfly kisses and hugged the life out of the older man.

“Hey Abbs,” gasped Gibbs. “Ease up a little, please.”

Abby stopped and took a step backwards.

“I'm sorry,” she said, before she stepped forward again and hit Gibbs' forearm. “Where have you been? Do you know what we went through? How could you do that to us -especially to Tony? Don't you-”

“Abby, stop it, please,” Tony said with more firmness than he felt, but it looked like it would work, because Abby stopped in mid-sentence and gave an annoyed huff, before she pointed to the door.

“There's a man downstairs who said he would be Daddy Gibbs.”

There was a shocked silence for a moment, but then Gibbs asked, “My Dad?”

“Well yes,” Abby sent her bangs flying when she nodded.

Gibbs looked from Abby to Tony and the younger man somehow knew what Gibbs problem would be and gave him a soft push into the direction of the door.

“Go,” he said. “I'll follow in a few.”

“You sure? Maybe I should-”

“No, you shouldn't and don't worry Abby will stay with me,” Tony smiled softly when the look of doubt in Gibbs' face was clearing off.

#

Franks watched from the doorway to the kitchen how the two older men were talking.

The older Gibbs was just like he remembered from the funeral of Jethro's wife and daughter, only a tad, or two, older.

The kind blue eyes were still sparkling and he sported the same boyish smile like his son...

“Dad?” Jethro's voice from beside him pulled Franks' from his musings. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, son,” the older Gibbs answered with a frown on his face. “That's the sort of warm welcome I've missed.”

Jethro averted his father's eyes, before he visibly shook himself, swallowed and extended his hand to him.

“I'm sorry, Dad. I'm a little-,” Jethro pointed to the living room. “Can we start over, please?”

“Sorry and please in one sentence?” Jackson's frown deepened. “What the hell happened with you?”

#

“We need to get shopping, Abbs,” Tony said suddenly, after a few moments of silence. “I don't want to look like a slouch if Gibbs' father stays-”

Tony sat on the mattress surrounded by almost all contents of his side of the closet and let himself fall backwards.

He gasped loudly when Abby appeared over him and pressed both of her hands against the soft bulge in his lower abdomen.

“Hey squirrel,” she laid her head carefully against Tony's chest and smiled softly when she felt how Tony relaxed onto the mattress. “Could you please kick daddy for me? Because I think he's a stupid piece of shit for worrying about things like that-”

“Hey! No cursing in front of the baby,” Tony growled and tried to push Abby away and snorted with laughter when Abby growled back and grabbed the sheets on both sides of Tony.

“And you know what else, Squirrel?-”

#

Ducky, Franks and both of the Gibbs men looked startled when loud laughter was heard coming from above, before they could hear two sets of footsteps coming downstairs.

“You are,” a female voice said.

“Am not,” a male voice answered and Jackson was surprised when he saw the spark in his son's eyes when he heard that voice.

“You soo are, Mister. And denying won't help ya one bit,” Abby said and did a squeak of surprise when Ducky stepped in her way.

“Duckman,” she greeted. “Would you please tell Tony that he's exactly what I've told him he would be?”

“I'm soo not, Abbs,” Tony tried to pout, but burst into another fit of laughter when Abby crossed her eyes at him.

“Children, children,” Ducky shook his head, but couldn't quite hide his smile when he heard Tony's snort of amusement. “How about something for breakfast?”

“Fruit Loops,” Abby squealed and started to bounce up and down.

“Oh please, Abbs. Fruit Loops? They are tasting like soggy paper with sugarcoating,” Tony argued and to Ducky he said. “Is there any chance to get some pancakes?”

Ducky gasped in surprise, “Of course my boy.”

“What's going on in here?” Jethro asked from behind them and Franks' shrugged, before he answered.

“I think I could use a cigarette,” he pulled the box and the lighter out of his breast pocket and went to the back-door, only to be stopped by Gibbs' voice.

“You don't need to go outside, Mike. You can use the basement.”

Tony watched how Franks turned to look at him and Tony smiled, before he nodded in silent confirmation.

“Well, if you're sure,” Franks couldn't hide the relief he felt.

The difference in temperature between Mexico and Washington D.C. was a little too much to feel comfortable in.

“Yeah,” Tony said. “We're sure.”

#

Jackson watched with growing interest the interaction between his son Jethro and the young man which reminded him of another time and place.

Stillwater, Summer 1979.

Jackson Gibbs and his wife were watching with a lot of mixed feelings how their only son was kissing another boy.

“We can't do anything, Jack,” Martha Gibbs said. “Everything we'll do or say against it will only serve to drive him away from us.”

Martha coughed heavily and Jackson paled when he was once again reminded how sick his wife was.

“I know, Martha,” Jackson soothed and tried to steer her away from the window. “Don't stress yourself so much, honey.”

“I know what you're thinking, Jack,” Martha said when she sat down in one of the loveseats in the living room.

“What am I thinking?” Jackson replied, his back turned at his wife and glaring at the two young men outside.

“Don't- cough- play- cough- games with me, Jack. He's our son and if he thinks that this is what he needs to be happy with his life- cough- we have to accept it without -cough- giving him a hard time about it.”

“Dammit Martha,” Jackson turned to glare at his wife with stormy eyes. “It's disgusting and it's not how we raised him.”

“He loves him,” Martha said simply. Jackson could tell that she'd spent the last of her power with the little speech she'd held.

“It's abnormal,” Jackson replied hotly, not carrying that his voice grew in volume.

“No,” Martha countered. “You think it's abnormal-”

“Do you think they will let him go into the Corp if they knew that he's a fag?” Jackson interrupted and regretted it in the same instant when he saw how pale his wife had become.

“Our son-” her breath came in short, painful sounding gasps. “-is not a fag, Jackson Gibbs and if you're ever calling him that, so god help me, I'll kick your behind from here to Texas, even when I need to come back from my grave to do it.”

“I'm sorry,” Jackson held both hands up in surrender.  
“You have to work it out, Jackson, because I don't want to see my son leave because you're too much of a hard head to accept him for what he is.”


	23. Chapter 23

“Don't you want to introduce me to that young man, Leroy?” Jackson asked, and watched how Gibbs' eyes widened in surprise before he nodded sharply.

Draping an arm around his lover's waist, he pulled Tony against his side. “Jackson Gibbs, this is my lover, Anthony DiNozzo. Tony, this is my father, Jackson Gibbs.”

Tony gasped in surprise at his lover’s boldness, but was fast in regaining his footing.

“Sir,” Tony said, and extended his hand. “It's nice meeting you.”

#

The man looked closely at the woman sitting in front of him.

Glowing red hair, a bit short, but he guessed that it would be delightful soft; sparkling green eyes, beautiful with those gray specks in them, but he also saw something very disturbing in them, too.

Insanity...

He'd seen a lot of insane people in his line of work, more than he cared to admit, but an insane woman was something he couldn't get used to...

He shook his head and tried to concentrate on the picture in his hands.

“So, you want to hire me to get rid of this person?” the man asked. “You understand that I could easily turn you in for it, right?”

The woman looked to her right before she nodded sharply in his direction, “I understand, and I also know that you won't do anything rash, because as easily as you could set me up, I could just as easily let you step into -”

“Before we start trying to intimidate each other, maybe you could give me some more information about this Anthony DiNozzo,” the man was leaned forward and put the photo back on to the table.

“There's not much you need to know. He's in a relationship with a former marine named Leroy Jethro Gibbs,” she explained, and searched the table for something to write on. “The address is 4200 Howard Road SE. You've got to make sure that nothing happens to Gibbs, or else our deal is off.”

“Any preferences about how I-” the man looked surprised when the woman stood abruptly and leaned over the table.

“Make him suffer,” she hissed. “I know you're more than capable of that, right?”

The man nodded, stunned by the sheer venom in the woman's voice.

The woman calmed herself, straightened her clothes, and grabbed her purse from the chair beside her, “Don't forget; Gibbs is off limits.”

The man watched her go, wondering if $600,000.00 was worth the hassle...

#

Jackson Gibbs gasped after the words had a moment time to sink in, and was glared at instantly by his son.

“Didn't know-” Jackson began, only to be cut off by Jethro.

“Yeah, I know,” Jethro said, and released his hold on Tony. “We haven’t seen each other for almost fifteen years-”

“I wasn’t the one who refused to stay in contact,” Jackson protested.

“No,” Jethro confirmed, his anger rising, and he noted from the corner of his eye that Ducky was towing Abby out of the room.

“You came to their funeral with one of your girlfriends,” Jethro growled, and Tony tensed.

Jackson sighed and Tony watched how the man appeared suddenly a lot older, “I'm not here to fight with you, son. I know what I did then wasn’t right, even though you have to admit that my girlfriend, as you call it, was the first woman I'd met since your mother died.”

Jethro opened his mouth as if to say something, but a soft hand on his arm stopped him before he could form any words.

“Stop it, please,” Tony whispered, and Jethro saw how Jackson frowned at the young man.

But to Jethro's surprise, the older man's eyes softened again.

“Can't say that this is something easy to accept, Leroy,” Jackson said softly. “But I don't want to lose you again. Fifteen years is a long time for an old fool like me to realize that I don't want to lose the only family I have left.”

Jackson went on before Jethro, or even Tony, could say anything else.

“I had a small heart attack a few weeks ago,” Jackson made a stopping motion with one of his hands. “Don't worry, nothing serious, but my doctor wants for me to get checked out by a specialist here in D.C. And I hoped to see you and-” Jackson looked helpless at his son. “I wanted so much for you to forgive me, to let me be a part of your life again-”

“My life includes Tony, too,” Jethro was clearly shocked, confronted by the fact that his father could have died- The man shook his head; he simply refused to think about that.

“I think I will need some time for that, son,” Jackson replied and watched with growing concern how his son's face clamped shut.

“Take all the time you need, Mister Gibbs,” Tony said, and stood up from his chair. “I think it would be good for you two to have a talk in private. I'll go and get the guest room ready, and then Abby and I’ll go out for a while.”

“Oh no, you won't,” Jethro stood up from his chair and placed himself between Tony and the door.

“You don't have to do that,” Jackson protested. “I've got a room in a hotel downtown.”

“Nonsense,” Tony said, not turning from where he stood facing his lover. “You're more than welcome to stay here. Jethro, your father needs you today. There will be other times you can go with me-”

“No,” Jethro shook his head and took a hold of one of Tony's arms. “I want to be with you every step of the way.”

Tony smiled and his eyes were starting to get shiny with tears, but despite how he felt he shook his head negatively, “Your father needs you and whether you admit it or not, you need your father, too.”

Jethro held Tony's gaze for more than a moment, and just when Tony was ready to surrender, the older man sighed and took a step back.

“You'll tell me everything,” Jethro ordered in his usual gruff manner.

“I'll take Abbs with me,” Tony nodded.

“Mike can drive you,” Jethro raised a hand when Tony opened his mouth to protest. “I won't negotiate on that.”

“Fine,” Tony growled. “But he better have some time and patience, because we'll be hitting the mall on our way back.”

Tony turned around and left the kitchen, leaving a surprised looking Jackson and a grinning lover behind.

“You've got it bad, son,” Jackson stated, and smiled when his son returned his smile with one of his own and nodded.

“We've got a lot to talk about, Jack,” Jethro said, and went over to the coffeemaker for a much needed refill.

#

“So, that man really is Gibbs' father,” Abby said and cast a curious eye through the half-open door into the kitchen.

“Please Abigail,” Ducky went over to the couch. “Give them some privacy, my dear. I am sure they have a lot to talk to each other.”

“He better not say anything bad about Tony or our squirrel,” Abby growled, but turned and stalked to one of the two loveseats beside the Christmas tree.

“I am sure he won't,” Ducky replied, trying to sound convincing, but failing somehow, because Abby smirked at him knowingly. The old man sighed deeply, before he grinned, “In case he doesn’t accept them, I know about a tribe down in the jungles of the Amazon which has this fairly amazing way of inflicting pain on someone’s body without leaving a mark-”

Abby was bouncing in her seat, “I can mix some chemicals and-”

“Maybe you two should give him a chance first, before you start to plot his murder,” Franks said from the doorway.

“Maybe, but it's always good to be prepared,” Abby smiled cheekily and started to play with one of her bangs.

“So,” Franks said and sat down beside the older ME. “Gibbs' boy is really pregnant?”

“You don’t sound very surprised about it,” noted Abby.

“Oh, I am,” Franks answered. “Not about my Probie being Bi mind you, I knew that bit for a long time, but the possibility of a man getting pregnant is-”

“Amazing? Mind-blowing? Absolute-” Abby tried to be helpful.

“More like disturbing,” Franks grinned when he saw the look of surprise on the young woman's face, which was fast closing down, until Abby glared at him.

“There's nothing disturbing in it,” Abby growled.

“Missy,” Franks said, suddenly serious. “I didn't mean to upset you, but you've got to agree that a pregnant man really isn't normal.”

“You are quite right, lad,” Ducky surprised Abby by saying that. “Anthony is one of a kind, and that makes it more than a little special for us.”

Franks nodded, “Well, now at least I can understand why Gibbs has been acting so out of character since our arrival.”

#

Tony stood in the hallway, listening in on the conversation between Abby, Ducky and Mike Franks, and didn't know what he should think about what he heard.

He knew he was acting out of character himself thanks to the bunch of hormones in his body, but Gibbs?

Granted, the older man was protective of him, or better of the baby growing in him, but-

“Hey,” a set of strong arms wormed their way around his waist and pulled him against a strong chest. “What are you doing alone out here?”

Tony sighed when he could feel the warmth of Gibbs' body seeping through his clothes, but he couldn't help it, he had to ask, “Why are you still here?”

He was turned around to look into his lover’s face.

“What do you mean?” Gibbs asked back.

“I- I- I'm just wondering, Jethro,” Tony tried to make the older man understand. “Why aren't you angry or acting like a bear with a sore head-”

“You mean because of what Jenny has done?” Gibbs wondered where this was leading them.

“Yes, exactly!” the young man was waving his hands through the air. “Normally you would have stormed out of here and-”

“I've just remembered that my lover is pregnant with my child, Tony, and even though I want nothing more than to barrel into Jenny's office and rip her into little pieces, there's an even stronger urge to be with you.”

Tony blushed in pleasure.

“I want to make sure you're both-” Gibbs pulled Tony against his chest and pressed a kiss against the younger man's neck. “-okay.”

“I hated you sometimes-” Tony whispered suddenly, and felt the body beside him tense. “-for leaving me- us- here alone in this house; everything in here reminded me of you, and I hated to be surrounded by you but not able to touch you.”

Tony's voice broke, “But of all things I hated, the worst one was having to sleep alone.”

Gibbs couldn't help but press Tony closer against his chest.

“That won’t happen again,” he whispered back, his own voice not as steady as it usually was.

“You- you can't promise that,” Tony protested and tried to put some space between himself and Gibbs, but the older man held on.

“No, I know,” Gibbs whispered. “But let’s pretend I could, just for a little while.”

#

Jackson stepped back from the door, surprise written clearly all over his face.

Not only was his son involved with another man, but this man was also pregnant with what looked like Leroy's child.

A man pregnant...

'Good lord,' the old man thought, and sat down heavily on one of the kitchen chairs.


	24. Chapter 24

Jenny Shepard gasped in surprise when she opened her car door and was greeted by one very angry woman.

“What were you thinking?” the woman asked. “Or did you even think at all? When I told you about my plan, I never meant for you to hire the next best killer to get rid of that little hooker-”

Jenny flinched when the woman punched the dashboard with her fists and snarled, ”Didn't it occur to you what'll happen if something happens to Gibbs' boy-toy now? What Gibbs will do if something happens to his little fuck toy? He has to know by now that you've lied to him. Who do you think will have to pay when something happens to this guy now?”

Jenny paled in realization.

#

The kiss Tony received was everything.

Possessive.

Wild.

Full of love, but also so wet and dirty that Tony had to take a step backwards or he knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself.

But Gibbs followed him.

The older man was breathing heavily, and Tony recognized the look of pure desire in his lover's eyes. The young man swallowed hard and pressed his hands against Gibbs' chest to put some space between them.

“Why did you stop?” asked Gibbs in a whisper, when his dazed mind registered the lack of contact.

“We can't,” Tony answered equally low, regret making his voice heavy. “Not now. Not with all these people around.”

Gibbs run a thumb over Tony's slightly reddened lips, and the younger man's knees began to shake, but Tony shook his head.

“Your dad is waiting,” he said. He was hoping to distract Gibbs, until he could work out for himself whether he was ready...

Had he really forgiven Gibbs that easily?

Gibbs apparently shook himself before he took a hold of Tony's hand and pulled him along into the kitchen...

Jackson sat where Gibbs had left him, but Gibbs frowned at the paleness of his father's face and the light shaking of the older man's hands.

“Everything alright, Jack?” he asked, and watched how Jackson's eyes were switching back and forth between Tony and himself.

“How?” Jackson asked after a moment of silence. “He's pregnant?”

The older man pointed with a shaking finger at Tony, who tried to let go of Gibbs hand, but the older man refused to let him go.

“His name is Tony, Jack,” Gibbs said, and Jackson made a huff of surprise when he was hit by the glare of ice cold blue eyes. “I'm not a specialist, but-”

“Leroy,” Jackson began, but he was interrupted by Tony's soft voice.

“Let me go, please, Jethro,” the young man pleaded and tried to get his hand out of Gibbs' hold. “Please, I don't want to-”

“Ssh, Tony,” Gibbs turned the younger man around and pulled him against his chest until Tony was able to hide his face against the older man's neck.

“I can take it from here if you want, Jethro,” Ducky said from the doorway, and Gibbs could feel how Tony tensed before he relaxed somewhat.

“Appreciate it, Duck,” Gibbs gave the older ME a slight nod and watched as Ducky came into the room.

#

Jackson's expression changed from disbelief to shocked surprise and back to sheer disbelief so fast that it would have been comical to watch on any other day, but only when Ducky showed him some pictures of his unborn grandson did the old man realize the whole situation was what it was.

Real.

“Lord have mercy,” he whispered when he handed the last picture back. “I-I,” Jackson sighed and shook his head when he wasn't able to find the right words.

A silence followed in which only the breathing of the people in the room could be heard, before Jackson found enough words to ask, “And is everything alright? I mean, there are no complications or anything, right?”

“Well,” Ducky smiled tightly. “We have to deal with morning sickness, and because his intestines have to make room for the growing child he is in some pain sometimes-” he was interrupted by a gasp from Tony, who was forcefully moved by Gibbs. Gibbs now glared at the young man from an arm-length distance.

“You're in pain?” Gibbs asked, and Tony had to swallow at the feelings reflected in his lover's eyes.

“No, not always,” Tony shook his head. “Only when he's growing and-”

The young man was interrupted by Ducky.

“The uterus is pressing against his abdominal wall, which in turn is pressing his innards further into his body-”

“But it hurts only for a short while,” Tony tried to sooth away the look of fear in Gibbs eyes, who started to shake his head before he took a step in the M.E.'s direction.

“Is he in any danger, Duck?” Gibbs asked stiffly. He added a firm, “Tell me the truth.”

“We- that's his Doctor at the Hospital and me- have done a lot of tests in the past few weeks, Jethro, and we are both certain, as long as he doesn’t engage in any strenuous activity, and assuming that he will use the aids like we have told him he should, we think he should be fine to carry to term.”

“Aids? What aids?” Gibbs asked, turning back to his lover, who shrugged helplessly.

Again it was Ducky who answered, “A belt support for one thing, or-”

“Ducky, please,” pleaded the younger man, and the old ME nodded in understanding.

“Well, those are things we have to worry about in the near future, but not today,” Ducky concluded, not missing the thankful look on Tony's face when he said that. “The- like Anthony calls him- tyke, is one good growing and healthy baby.”

“But how can he be good growing and healthy when you're so thin?” Gibbs asked Tony, and placed a hand possessively over the younger man's abdomen.

“He is,” Tony answered with a hint of impatience in his voice, indicating that this conversation was a little too much for the young man.

Jackson was the one who changed the topic of the conversation when he spied the small cat watching them from the doorway.

“I think I've got lots of things to learn about you, Leroy,” he pointed at the small animal, who chose that moment to enter the kitchen with a highly erect tail and a mighty “Meow.”

“What's her name?” the old man asked, and bent down to try and stroke the cat.

“Kitty,” Tony said, glad for the fact that he wasn't the center of the conversation anymore. “I had a lot of names available, but neither one seemed to fit her, so-”

“I had a girlfriend once who had a cat called Kitty,” Jackson grinned. “She was one hell of a crosspatch.”

“Which one of them?” Gibbs asked innocently, only his blue eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Oh, laugh it up, Leroy,” Jackson said with a huff and everyone in the kitchen laughed.

#

Tony stood in front of the bedroom window and watched the falling snow.

He smiled softly when the sparkling snowflakes triggered one of his happier memories.

Flashback:

The Christmas tree stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by a multitude of colorfully wrapped packages of all sizes.

A Christmas carol was playing and the whole house smelled like apples, cinnamon and marzipan.

Laughter could be heard coming from the outside and Christopher, the old Butler, went over to one of the big windows to have a short look at the two people outside and grinned.

Salvatore DiNozzo, father of Anthony DiNozzo Senior and Grandfather to one amazing little boy, lay in the snow and made snow angels with a bright smile on his face.

Tony stood beside him, with wide eyes but also smiling, and a wave of sadness hit Christopher.

The poor boy had never played in the snow like this... Had never experienced what it meant to be loved by someone... Christopher shook his head and placed the tray with two steaming cups on the table before he went over to the door to call the two inside.

Salvatore and Christopher were both grinning when Tony tore the wrapping off one of his presents and gasped in surprise when he held a toy in his hands.

He surprised both men when he placed it carefully aside with sad eyes.

“Tony?” Salvatore asked. “Something wrong with it?”

“No, nothing wrong, sir,” Tony answered and pulled the next package into his lap.

“So why are you not playing with it?” Christopher asked, and crouched beside the boy.

“I can't,” Tony whispered. “I'm not allowed to.”

“Sure you are, my boy,” Salvatore said and joined them on the floor. “Who ever told you that you're not allowed to play with your toys?”

“Mother and Father did,” Tony explained. His voice much too grown up for such a small boy. “Normally I wouldn't be allowed to open the presents-”

Salvatore, knowing that the boy wouldn't be able to understand, cursed in Italian and Christopher looked like he was ready to kill.

“You never had toys to play with?” Christopher asked after he found his equilibrium back.

Tony shook his head, but then he nodded.

“Manuela, she's one of the maids, she gave me some toys from her son,” Tony explained. “I kept them hidden under my bed, but Father found them-”

The boy didn't add that his father had been drunk and that the man had destroyed the whole room in a fit of anger- or that he had suffered a broken arm and some bruised ribs after there was nothing else to demolish.

(The next day found Tony moving into another room, furnished only with necessaries, like a bed, one chair and a small table...no books, no toys, no pictures on the walls...)

Salvatore stared into the lights of the Christmas tree, for a moment lost in his own mind, but was brought back by a hand on his shoulder.

“Not now,” Christopher whispered and looked over at Tony, who looked ready to bolt.

“You're right,” Salvatore nodded once. Maybe now wasn't the time, but certainly later.

That night Tony was unable to sleep, and he lay awake in his bed for most of the night, watching the falling snow every now and then, but most of the time he was staring at the toys beside his bed in sheer disbelief...

End of Flashback

Tony wiped a hand across his face and turned, only to yelp in surprise when he realized Gibbs stood directly in front of him.

“Hey,” Gibbs said with a slight grin, and cupped Tony's face with one of his hands.

“I swear, you've got to have the DNA of a cat in you,” Tony whispered. “I never heard you coming.”

Gibbs leaned into Tony and just before he pressed his lips against Tony's he whispered, “Sorry.”


	25. Chapter 25

"No, you're not, but that's okay," Tony smiled slightly.

"What are you doing up here?" Gibbs asked, and wrapped his arms around the young man's body.

"Thinking," Tony answered and grabbed fistfuls of Gibbs shirt.

"About?"

Tony kept silent for a moment before he answered, "Did you know that I celebrated my first, real, Christmas the first year after I moved in with Salvatore?"

"Really?" Gibbs asked, feeling a tight knot forming in his stomach at the mention of Tony's grandfather.

"He and Christopher, his butler," Tony added when he saw his lover’s confused look. "But I think they were together or something, because they were like so tight," he held his thumb and forefinger up between their bodies and pressed them together until his fingertips turned white, and Gibbs nodded his understanding.

"They bought me all kinds of toys, like cars and stuffed animals and this really awesome telescope," Tony grinned at the remembrance of it. "I could see so damn far with it."

Gibbs grinned, too, the enthusiasm of the younger man almost like a living thing between them.

"I couldn't believe I was allowed to keep everything ... I... I had to stay awake three nights in a row just to make sure no one came in and took it all away from me again."

Gibbs swallowed, before he asked, "And? Did they-"

"Come and take it?" Tony finished the question, and answered it with a, "No they didn't. And after another year of staying with them, I was the proud owner of two big rooms filled with stuff."

Tony chuckled.

"I think he wanted to make up for all the times I-" Tony fell silent for a long moment, before he grabbed Gibbs' shirt more tightly and pulled him closer. “Whatever happens between us, please promise me that our son won't ever feel unloved or-”

“Stop, Tony,” Gibbs interrupted with pain-filled eyes and a voice raw with emotions.”I do, I do promise.”

Gibbs searched in his young lover’s eyes for something... what, he didn't know, but there was this one question that still burned a hole into his heart.

“Do you want to leave? Is that it? Is that why you're talking like that?”

Tony shook his head, and Gibbs felt the shaking in the younger man's body when he laid his head to rest against Gibbs' shoulder.

“I'll never want to leave you,” Tony fought against the threatening tears. “And I never want to have to go through something like this again.”

“You won't,” Gibbs said firmly, and pressed a kiss against Tony's temple and felt how Tony finally started to relax somewhat.

“What time is your appointment?” Gibbs asked with a glance at his wristwatch.

“3:30p.m. Why?” Tony asked back, and pressed himself deeply into Gibbs' arms.

“I want to show you something. Come on,” Gibbs pushed Tony a step away from him, and took a hold of one of the younger man's hands.

“Where are we going?” Tony asked in a mix of confusion and curiosity.

“Did you ever go into the basement, since I-” Gibbs started and stumbled when Tony stopped walking.

“No. I never... I couldn't... I-”

“Shh,” Gibbs stroked softly over Tony's right cheek with the back of one of his hands. “It's alright. I want to show you something down there, alright?”

Tony cast a skeptical look at his lover, but started to walk again, reluctantly.

“Attaboy!” Gibbs whispered and the praise triggered a slight smile on Tony's face.

“What?” Gibbs turned to look confusedly at Tony.

“Do you realize how long it’s been since you said that to me?” Tony asked, and Gibbs frowned because he couldn't really remember.

“Too long,” he finally growled, and Tony chuckled.

“God”, the younger man stopped walking again, and gave Gibbs' hand a firm squeeze until the man turned and looked at him again. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Tony,” Gibbs returned with a breaking voice. “Now let's go, or else we won't reach that basement at all today.”

#

Mike Franks sat on the bottom step of the stairs leading to the basement and shook his head in amazement.

There, in the middle of the room, stood the boat Gibbs was still working on, or maybe a new one since the former NIS Agent couldn't really remember if his Probie had ever finished working on that boat from years ago.

But that was not what had him smiling now...

He opened a new pack of cigarettes and frowned shortly before he shrugged and placed them back in his breast-pocket. He could always find another place for smoking, even if it meant he had to stand on that veranda again.

Franks could hear steps coming down from above him, and he turned to see Gibbs and DiNozzo coming down.

“Hey Probie,” Franks greeted, and stood up to make room for the two men. He watched in surprise when Tony stopped in front him and extended his hand.

“We didn't have an optimal start this morning and I would like to try again if you don't mind,” Tony explained, and Franks watched how Gibbs placed a possessive arm around the younger man's waist.

“My name is Anthony DiNozzo, but my friends call me Tony. Thank you for bringing Jethro home.”

Franks grabbed the offered hand with a smile, “Okay... Nice to meet you, Tony. You can call me Mike.”

Tony nodded with a smile, and was pulled back against Gibbs' chest.

“Okay, now that that’s settled,” Gibbs gave Franks a nod that indicated he should leave them.

“Right,” Franks grinned and pointed upstairs. “That's my cue to leave you two alone for whatever you two have to do.”

As an afterthought he added, “Guess I'll have another little chat with your little Goth-girl.”

“Don't piss her off too much, Mike,” Gibbs called after his former boss. “She can be unpredictable when she's angry.”

Gibbs grinned against Tony's neck while Mike Franks' laughter echoed through the basement.

“He's not taking your warning seriously,” Tony stated, and tried to turn around in his lover’s arms.

“Who, Mike? Nah, it's more like a game for him,” Gibbs answered and moved them until Tony stood in the corner at the right side between stairs and wall.

“He'd better not play with her when McGee comes-” Tony said with a quivering voice.

“Why's that?” Gibbs ra his hands up and down Tony's back in firm strokes.

“Your little girl and McAmore are in a pretty serious relationship-” Tony laughed, then moaned when he felt one of Gibbs' hands against his crotch.

Gibbs laughed, “Another nickname for McGee? How many does he have now?”

“Dunno, ah, let's see,” Tony panted.

Gibbs' touch lit him up like a match to a candle, and gave his starving body something to feed on, but even then he wanted to give Gibbs an answer.

“There's-”

“Don't care,” Gibbs interrupted, and pressed his pelvis hard against Tony's backside. “Just wanted to show you something, but-”

Tony groaned loudly when he felt that certain part of Gibbs' anatomy pressed against him.

“-I can't help it, Tony,” Gibbs panted into one of Tony's ears, and started to rub himself rhythmically against the younger man.

“Jethro,” Tony was out of breath already, though tried to push the older man away.

“Don't push me away,” Gibbs pleaded, and took a firm hold of Tony's hip.

“I don't,” Tony stopped moving, now that he had Gibbs’ attention. “I- I just- I just want you in me, please.”

“You sure?” Gibbs asked in a voice filled with both desire and doubt.

“I missed your touch for so long,” Tony whispered, and leaned his forehead against the wood in front of him.

He sighed when he felt Gibbs moving behind him and feared for a split second that the older man would simply leave him, but then he felt Gibbs' hot breath against his left ear, ordering him, “Don't move.”

#

McGee took another look at the clock and sighed when he realized that only five minutes had passed since the last time he had checked.

And he could tell without a doubt that Ziva was still watching him from behind her desk, ready to pounce on him, he was sure, if he showed even the slightest sign of weakness.

But the real surprise came from another person altogether...

“Agent McGee?”

McGee turned around in his seat to look for who was calling his name, and smiled when he saw Director Shepard's secretary on the stairs.

“Yes, Ma'am,” he answered, and grinned broadly when he saw the frown on Cynthia's face.

She hated being called “Ma'am” almost as much as Gibbs had hated being called “Sir.”

“Agent McGee,” Cynthia nodded at Ziva when she passed the first set of desks, and stopped in front of the junior agent's desk. “I've finally found a team for you and Officer David. Agent Mason and Kinsey have agreed to take the both of you under their wings, but-”

“But?”

Cynthia smiled brightly.

“Both agents are currently overseas and won't be back until the week after Christmas, which means-” the Secretary handed McGee two sheets of paper. “Seeing that you and Officer David have worked more than a few hours of overtime, and taking into account the fact that you're both lacking sufficient experience to work a case on your own, you both are now on vacation, starting tomorrow and ending on January 3th.”

McGee glanced at the paper in his hands.

It was a filled out and signed request for vacation time.

The secretary turned away, only to turn back again, “Oh, and before I forget. I still need form 31c filed and signed off by you today.”

McGee groaned loudly and let his head fall on the desktop.

Ziva waited until Cynthia was gone again, before she jumped up and took the few steps necessary to get to McGee's side.

“What do you want, Ziva?” McGee asked and watched how Ziva flinched a little.

“I do know that you and Abby are friends with Gibbs' boy-” she appeared uncomfortable with talking about Tony, and McGee sighed.

“His name is Tony,” he pushed himself away from his desk, and Ziva felt a sharp pang of envy when she realized that the young agent's stance had changed, ready to protect himself if needed.

“Well, I would think you knew him by his full name, Anthony DiNozzo, knowing that you did some research on Gibbs and his team.”

Ziva nodded mutely. It was her own fault that had McGee learned about her reports; if she'd only been a little more careful about where she stood and with whom she talked.

“I know that he had been part of the team,” Ziva said. “Until he got sick with a mysterious illness-”

'We've got to thank Ducky for that one,' McGee thought, and remembered how the old ME had filled out the necessary paperwork for Tony, after that incident in Abby's lab, under Gibbs' and Director Morrow's watchful eyes.

All three had decided that it would be for the best to use illness as a reason, even though Tony had protested loudly.

“So?” McGee asked. “What's your point in telling me this?”

Ziva opened and closed her mouth a few times, and McGee was thinking that she had some resemblance to a fish he once had seen in one of those gigantic aquariums, but suddenly her back straightened and he almost jumped when she asked, “Director Sheppard is very fond of Agent Gibbs, yes?”

“What the hell? I don't know, Ziva, and frankly I don't care,” McGee felt his anger flaring and tried to turn his attention back to what his monitor was displaying, but Ziva grabbed a chair and sat down beside him.

“They were partners once,” Ziva supplied, and huffed a little in annoyance when McGee ignored her. “I am sure that she wants him back.”

“Why are you telling me this, Ziva?” McGee asked, a little defeated when he realized that she just wouldn't let it go.

“I think,” Ziva said, and leaned into McGee's personal space. “That she is the reason that Gibbs left.”

#

Mike Franks almost snorted his coffee when Abby's cell phone started to ring out the melody of

“Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-dot Bikini.”

Who would have guessed that a Goth would listen to something like that?

He shook his head, and was grinned at by the Doctor and Gibbs' father, who, after a glass of Gibbs' bourbon, looked rather comfortable sitting on the love-seat beside the Christmas tree.

#

Tony was moaning low in his throat because Gibbs' hands were starting to explore his body, and he almost lost it then and there when Gibbs' breath hit his ear. Then the older man started to tap with two fingers against the zipper of Tony's pants.

Gibbs used his free hand to push Tony's sweatshirt out of his way, and he pressed the younger man deeper into the corner in front of them, until Tony found something to hold on to and pressed his backside back against Gibbs' crotch.

“God,” the older man groaned, and started to kiss and bite the back of Tony's neck.

“Please,” Tony gasped in almost forgotten desire. “Please, Jethro.”

Gibbs opened the zipper, and smiled against Tony's skin when he felt hot and hard skin under the pads of his fingertips.

“Going commando?” He asked, and had to fumble some until Tony's pants were falling from the younger man's hips, already forgotten before they hit the floor.

Tony tried to answer, but the hot hand around his cock made it impossible for him to even think, so he just mewled once when his desire spiked sharply and he sobbed in disappointment when he erupted all over Gibbs' hand.

Gibbs, on the other hand, felt a wave of strong emotions when he heard the sounds Tony was making, and he pressed himself as tight against his lover as he dared until even the last shocks of Tony's orgasm subsided.

He really didn't know how to react when he felt Tony's body shaking.

The emotions Tony was feeling were simply too much to handle for him anymore, and the last dam in him broke. He was dazed as felt how he was carried away by a stream of confusion, loneliness, sadness and the almost overwhelming joy he felt when Gibbs returned, until he felt himself become dizzy with it, and his knees started to give out.

He didn't even realize that he was crying, not until Gibbs had pulled his pants up again and had turned him into his arms.

The older man didn't say a word, just towed him slowly over to the stairs, where he pushed him down to sit on one of the steps, never breaking his contact with Tony.

He placed a soft, warm hand against the crying man's neck and pulled carefully until the young man's head was pressed against Gibbs' stomach.

Tony didn't know how long he sat like this, until he was finally able to stop crying.

His head was cradled in his lover's arms; with eyes that felt puffy and swollen, and a running nose, he tried to pull away, out of Gibbs' arms, but the older man simply held on.

“Through the good and bad times,” Gibbs whispered, and Tony took a shuddering breath; his eyes were starting to well up again.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered back, and smiled in shocked surprise when he felt the stinging of one of Gibbs' head-slaps. It was not as hard as they had once been, but still with enough force to shut him up, before he was able to say anything more.

“I'm the one who should apologize,” Gibbs said, his voice firm and steady and shaking all the same. “I should have realized sooner that something wasn't right about what I'd been told-”

“You-” Tony tried, and was interrupted by Gibbs' cold voice, which made him flinch. “I should never have believed her, never-” Tony felt Gibbs shuddering and again tried to move, only to be stopped by a tightening of Gibbs' arms around his head.

“I will get it right somehow, Tony,” Gibbs whispered. “I promise.”

Tony was able to raise his head at least, and gasped in surprise when Gibbs bent down to press a soft, close-mouthed kiss on the tip of his nose.

Gibbs took a hold of one of Tony's hands after that and pulled him up into a standing position.

“Close your eyes,” he ordered, and felt a wave of satisfaction when the younger man complied instantly. As in an afterthought Gibbs added a firm, ”Stay.”

And grinned when Tony answered with a “Woof!”

The young man felt uncomfortable standing there with his eyes closed, but he waited nonetheless, until he felt a soft touch on one of his shoulders.

“Trust me?” Jethro asked softly, and Tony felt a shiver running down his body before he nodded in affirmation. “Keep your eyes closed,” Jethro ordered, and took a hold of the nearest hand to pull him along.

#

McGee pushed himself away from his desk and glared at Ziva for a moment. “Why do you want to talk about it all of the sudden?”

“Did you ever do something you’ve regretted after you'd done it, and wanted to make it undone, but you didn't know how?” Ziva asked, her voice soft and her brown eyes dark with emotions McGee had never seen in her.

“I don't know,” McGee shrugged.”I guess.”

“Well, I-” Ziva swallowed hard. “I've done so, and I do want to make it undone, even though I know it's almost impossible for me now-”

“And what did you do?”

(Flashback:)

“No,” Ziva shook her head curtly, and felt herself lose her tight hold on her emotions.

Jenny grinned nastily, “I know how much your father means to you, my little butterfly, and you only have to give Ari some reason to go after the man-”

“Why?”

“I know how his mind works, Ziva. We were partners once, and he'll need my help to find the man who's responsible for the death of one of his own.”

“But-”

“No buts, my little butterfly. You'll make sure that Ari goes after Gibbs and his team, or I'll send you back to Israel and tell your father what a huge disappointment you’ve been,” Jenny threatened in a sharp voice. “Or, how about I’m telling him about our little affair?”

“You can hardly call what we're having an affair, Jenny.”

“No, you're right, but I'm sure your father won't care that much about semantics.”

It had been easy to convince Ari that one Leroy Jethro Gibbs and his team were a threat to Israel, the Mossad, and their father; it worked well, a little too well, because Ari went after Gibbs directly, which hadn’t been anticipated by the two women.

“You've got to stop him,” Jenny hissed at Ziva, while both women watched Ari sneak into Gibbs house.

“And how do you suggest I should do that, Madame Director?” Ziva asked with more than a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Jenny backhanded her, before she grabbed Ziva by her hair and pulled her nearer to her own face,“I don't care how you do it, Ziva. Make sure he doesn't harm Jethro, or I will personally make sure that your life becomes a living hell.”

She released the young woman with a growl, and bent over to get something out of her glove box.

Ziva hissed in shocked surprise when Jenny pressed the gun into her hands. “I can't-”

“Of course you can,” Jenny shrugged. “And you better shoot to kill, my love.”

“But... but he's my brother,” Ziva protested, her eyes starting to burn.

“I don't care if he's the pope,” Jenny hissed, not looking at her. “Stop him.”

(End of Flashback)

Ziva still felt the gun she had held that night rocking in her hands, still remembered the shocked surprise on her brother's face.

And she still remembered how Jenny had appeared in Gibbs' house, all professional acting, until the man had turned his back on them. Jenny had used the time to make sure that Ziva understood how necessary it was for her to be trusted by Gibbs and his team.

How she just had to become a part of the team.

How she had to become a mole for Jenny in a team which was almost as tight as a real family in Ziva's eyes.

McGee sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers, “So, she blackmailed you into giving her information about the team?”

“Yes,” Ziva nodded.

“Why?” McGee asked. “What's so special about us that Director Sheppard would want to know-”

“Like I said before,” Ziva interrupted. “She still has the shots for Gibbs.”

“The hots,” McGee corrected, and smiled despite the awkwardness of the moment.

“Well yes,” Ziva looked annoyed for a second before she shook herself. “I want to help.”

McGee frowned, “You understand that I can't just ignore the fact that you've been a mole for her, right? I will have to talk to the others about it first.”

“Of course,” Ziva nodded and stood up to return to her desk ,and was glad that she had been to tell McGee about the blackmail without having to tell him too much.

McGee's mind was racing.

Everything Ziva had told him sounded plausible enough to him, but he could somehow tell that she was still withholding something.

He shrugged inwardly and turned back to his computer.

Everything would just have to wait until he could talk to Ducky and Abby about it.


	26. Chapter 26

Tony rubbed his eyes tiredly, and graced his Doctor with a tight smile, but knew instantly that he wouldn't be able to fool that woman into believing that everything was alright with his world.

The woman frowned deeply, before she glared darkly at the people surrounding her patient.

“Leave,” she ordered in a growl, and tapped her foot impatiently when no one moved. “What? Did I stutter or talk in a different language? Out!”

Tony cast a frightened look at Gibbs, who stood unmoving to his right and by the looks of it the older man was trying his best to out-glare the doctor.

Ducky smiled one of his winning smiles at the woman behind her desk, and grabbed Abby''s hand; she was just getting ready to protest. “Come, my dear,” the older man said, and pulled the young Goth along behind him.

“But Ducky-”

“Now Abigail, don't fuss-”

Everything else was lost when the door fell shut behind them.

“You're still there,” the doctor growled, and Tony couldn't help but smirk when he saw Gibbs' jaw start to twitch in anger.

“Yes,” the man simply answered.

“It's okay, Doc-” Tony tried to defuse the situation.

“Are you sure, honey?” the Doctor asked, and Gibbs' eyes widened in surprise at how nice that woman suddenly sounded. “I can make him wait outside, too, you know?”

“I- yes, I know- but I really want him here.”

The doctor patted Tony's shoulder and glared at Gibbs at the same time.

“You can stand over there,” she pointed to a place between the examination table and the wall. “And don't you dare to argue with me-”

“Don't you think you're acting a little over the top, Doc?” Tony asked, trying to defuse the situation, it was getting charged with so much anger that Tony had the feeling of suffocating slowly. He flinched when both the Doctor and Gibbs turned their glares on him.

“I-I mean-”

“I know what you mean, Tony. And you're right.”

“I am?”

“Well yes,” the doctor pulled her stethoscope out of one of her pockets, and stepped up to the young man. “We're forgetting the most important thing.”

“Oh?” Tony looked confusedly at her.

The Doctor smiled kindly at him, “The most important thing here is you... and the little tyke.”

Tony blushed, and felt a wave of thankfulness when Gibbs placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it softly.

The examination was quick and Tony sighed in relief when he was allowed to put his shirt back on; the room felt kind of chilly.

“So,” the Doctor dried her hands and turned back to her desk. “I recommend that you start to wear the belly band now. The baby is growing nicely, and you'll need the hold it gives you to bear the added weight in your body.”

She turned her head toward her patient and smiled softly when she watched how Gibbs helped his lover dress.

“You gained some weight, which is a good sign, even though it’s not much-”

“Yet,” Gibbs interrupted.

“'Excuse me?”

“He hasn’t gained much weight, yet. I'll see that he gains more by our next appointment.”

“I understand,” the Doctor said and sighed, before she shook her head. “Really, Mister Gibbs, as I understand from what Tony told me, the last few weeks couldn't have been any easier on you than they were on him, but the added stress and the constant worry Tony has been exposed to-”

“Doctor,” Tony let himself slip from the table. “Jethro and I talked about it and... I won't say that everything is just fine; it isn't, regardless of how much I want it to be... but we're getting there-”

“Of course, Tony,” the Doctor sighed again and Gibbs was sure that she wanted to add something more, but she just shook her head again and sat down behind her desk.

#*#*

Both men gave a sigh of relief when they could finally leave the examination room, only to be assaulted by Abby when they got out, and she appeared even more hyperactive than usual.

“What did the doctor say? Is everything alright? Is the squirrel-”

“Abby,” Gibbs said, and glared when he was simply ignored by the Goth.

“Did she make new pictures? You've got to show them to me, you know? I want to see them, please, can I?”

Abby finished with puppy dog eyes and Tony just couldn't help it, he exploded into laughter.

He explained to her what the doctor had done and said, and no, there weren't any pictures taken that day. He chuckled again when he heard the heartfelt, “Darn.”

Franks gave Gibbs a pat on the shoulder, and grinned over at Ducky who was engrossed in a conversation with Gibbs' father.

The “Lucky Bastard,” was just as heartfelt as Abby's comment had been and Gibbs smiled slightly, before he started to walk out of the hospital where the doctor's office was located.

#*#*

Sam Masterson growled when the ringing of his phone interrupted his concentration, and he glared at it before he shrugged and turned back to his computer. He was studying the photos he had taken of the house the woman had given him the address to.

He'd arrived just in time to see a bunch of people leaving the house; his target, according to the picture the woman had given him, was right in the middle of them.

Masterson had taken two pictures of all those people and was now staring at them with gleaming eyes.

#*#*

“What do you want to do now,” Gibbs asked Tony, and watched how his younger lover looked uncertainly around the small group.

“I-I need to hit the Mall on our way back, if you don't mind?”

Gibbs really hated how small and insecure Tony sounded and he vowed, not for the first time, that he'd do everything needed to bring back the old Tony, the playful, cheeky one... who was able to make a person laugh with the simplest of things... who was sometimes a bit too annoying for his own good, but all in all so damn lovable...

“Okay,” Gibbs nodded, and gave Mike the sign to come closer. “I've got to do something first, but we'll meet at the Mall, alright?”

Gibbs watched how a glimmer of fear appeared in Tony's eyes, before the man turned away and shrugged his shoulders.

“Sure.”

“Hey,” Gibbs took a gentle hold of the nearest arm and pulled softly until Tony stood right in front of him. “It won't take long. I promise.”

“I- I'll wait at the Fountain for you.”

“Hey Probie,” Mike flipped his cigarette away before reaching the two men and Tony nodded at him shortly, before he walked over to Ducky and Abby. “So, what's the plan?”

“I'll drive over to Headquarters and have a chat with Madame Director, and then I'll meet you all at the mall.”

“I'll come with you,” Mike said.

“No,” Gibbs watched Tony for a moment, before he turned his attention over to his former partner. “I want you to stay with them, watch over them, make sure they stay safe until I get back.”

“Problem, Leroy?” Jackson asked from behind the men, and Gibbs frowned, before he turned and explained in short sentences what he'd planned.

“I'll come with you, Leroy,” Jackson said firmly, and patted his boy's left shoulder, smirking when he saw how his son got ready to argue. “That's not open for discussion.”

The older man clapped his gloved hands together, “Let's get this show on the road, shall we?”

#*#*

“Boss?” McGee asked, surprised. when he saw the Senior Field Agent stride through the bullpen with an angry stomp.

“McGee,” Gibbs nodded curtly at the young Agent before he went around to the stairs.

“You're back? That- that's great... I mean, wait... you want to see the Director- she's-” McGee babbled, and watched helplessly as the older man went upstairs, taking the steps two at a time.

Jackson looked sympathetically over at the young man and wondered for a heartbeat what kind of impact his son had on peoples lives around him, but then he shrugged inwardly and followed his son upstairs.

#*#*

Cynthia swallowed hard when she saw Agent Gibbs storming in her direction, and he was accompanied by an older gentleman, who looked just as angry as Agent Gibbs, and she hoped that the desk would provide a good enough protection against the angry men.

"A-Agent Gibbs?" she tried to sound normal, even when she knew that her voice had more in common with a mouse right now.

"Where's the Director?" Gibbs asked, and ignored Cynthia's shocked look.

"She's," the woman cleared her throat. "She's not here, Agent Gibbs."

"Not here? Well, where is she?" Gibbs asked, and placed both his hands on the secretary's desk to lean into the surprised woman's space. The secretary did sigh in relief when the man relaxed his stance somewhat after he realized what he was doing.

"I don't know, si- Agent Gibbs. She called this morning and told me to put everything on hold until after the holidays, and that she'd be out of town for a few days."

He stepped back from the desk and Cynthia could swear that the man's eyes became even colder, before the old man behind Gibbs patted one of the agent's shoulders.

“You'll get her another time, son,” the man said, and the secretary sighed in relief again when both men turned to leave.

#*#*

Tony had used all his powers of persuasion to have some time alone in the mall... not that he wouldn't enjoy Abby's or Ducky's presence, but he needed some time to process what happened...

Jethro was back... finally... Tony's heart gave a little flip at the thought and Tony sat down on the nearest bench with a heavy sigh.

He was back, and Tony wasn't sure how he felt about it...

The back of the young man's started to tingle, as if he was being watched, and he groaned when he turned around and saw Abby, Ducky and Mike Franks standing not so far away.

So much about some time alone...

#*#*

"Do you think he saw us?" Abby asked anxiously, and bounced on her toes to get rid of some of her a nervous energy.

"Yes, my dear," Ducky smiled softly. "I do think he saw us."

"That's ridiculous," Mike Franks growled and threw his cup of coffee into the nearest trash can, before he was over at Tony's bench in a second. "Mind if I have a seat?"

Tony shook his head, before he asked, “Why are you all here? I thought I made myself clear when I asked for some time alone."

"You did," Franks shook his head and regretted the fact that he was in a non- smoking area. "But the little Goth can be very- intense."

Tony chuckled, before he sobered up again and turned serious green eyes to the older man.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Abby moved as if to join them and Franks shook his head, which Ducky seemed to understand, because he took a hold of one of the Goth's arms and stopped her.

"What-" Tony started, but stopped. He didn't know how to form a sentence that could hold all the things that were swirling around in his head, and he sighed, again.

Franks seemed to understand, because he placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder and squeezed it slightly.

"This reminds me of a movie I saw once," Tony chuckled and shook his head.

"A good one?"

"Depends," Tony answered with a hint of a smile in his voice. "If you like movies with a sad ending."

Franks snorted, "Can't tell. I never watched much TV and, since I'm living on a beach in Mexico-"

"I'm pregnant," Tony interrupted Mike, and the older man sighed. He felt too old to handle stuff like that.

"I know. I saw the pictures, remember?"

"He said he loves me," Tony went on. "But-"

Mike sighed. He really wasn't the right one to talk about all this stuff.

"You don't believe him?"

"I don't know," Tony admitted, and Franks could tell how hard it was on the man.

Tony lifted his hands as if he was weighing something.

"On the one hand there is Jethro and his declarations of love, but on the other hand there are all those weeks of being alone, of not knowing if-if he was still alive-"

Tony gasped softly after he said that and turned his head away.

#*#*

Gibbs came down the stairs, looking angrier than McGee had ever seen him, and the young agent had to fight against the urge to hide under his desk. His heart started to pound when the older man turned his way.

“McGee,” Gibbs snapped, and frowned when the young agent paled.

“B-b-boss?”

“We need to talk,” Gibbs said and glanced over at Ziva, who was watching everything through big, brown eyes. “But not here.”

McGee nodded and cleared his throat, and Gibbs could tell that the young man had worked hard to overcome his insecurities when he said, “Abby and I planned to have a movie night with Tony tonight to get his mind off of things-”

Gibbs nodded, and- could it be?

Was there a hint of emotion in the older man's eyes?

“Boy,” Jackson sighed from beside Gibbs, and extended his hand so suddenly that McGee jumped in surprise. “Name's Jackson Gibbs, and we'll expect you to dinner at 7:00p.m. sharp at my son's house.”

With that said, the older man turned and went over to the elevator, but not before he gifted Ziva with a friendly smile and a wink.

She smiled back, but everyone was able to tell that her heart wasn't in it.

Gibbs was back, and McGee without a doubt would tell him everything he'd learned about the Director... and her… and she just couldn't help it, she felt nervous.

Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to go back home to Israel soon.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking so long to update this... I haven't abdonend this story, it's still my most favourite one, but RL is keeping me busy and, well, what can I say? I'll try to update more regularly...
> 
> Someone interested in beta'ing this? I really do need someone who'll be able to see the weak points in this story and get rid of some spelling and grammar errors...(Just throw me a comment)
> 
> Greetings,  
> TraceofInk

The time at the mall passed faster than anyone expected.

Tony never found the words necessary to describe to Mike Franks what he felt, so he’d fallen silent and felt kind of thankful that Franks didn’t prod.

He just sat beside him, giving comfort without touching, or saying anything at all, until Gibbs appeared with his father in tow and Abby couldn’t keep away any longer.

Tony let himself get distracted by the lust for life Abby was projecting and spent a few hours with being hauled into every shop possible.

 

Jethro watched them from a distance, but made sure to be in sight every time they’ve turned around.

“I remember when your mother has been pregnant with you,” Jackson began when he saw how his son was watching the young man through guarded eyes. “She would switch her moods so fast that one would become dizzy.”

“Yeah?” Jethro turned his attention to his father. “Did you forget about us, too?”

“Woah, boy,” Jackson raised his hands in surrender. “No, but-”

Jackson stopped, a little breathless.

“-there were times, when I had to leave her-”

“You okay, dad?” Jethro asked.

“Sure, son, sure,” Jackson waved a hand. “Just-”

 

*#*

 

Masterson used his skills to gain access into the house and stood for a moment inside the living room and admired the tree.

He hadn’t had a decent christmas with his family since his wife left him with his two children and the sight of the decorated room awoke some feelings in him he thought he’d buried a long time ago.

He shook himself and grinned and the small cat sitting on one of the steps leading to the next story of the house, “Hey kitty, you’re a beauty aren’t you?”

The cat just kept on watching with her tail switching back and forth, indicating that she was nervous about him being here.

“Don’t worry, darling,” he crooned and opened his backpack. “I won’t do anything to you.”

 

Half an hour later and he was finished and sighed in satisfaction when he was back in his car and opened his laptop. Now he only needed a few keystrokes to be able to watch his target until the time was right to make his move.

 

*#*

 

“Are you here for Mr. Jackson Gibbs?” a young, male doctor asked from the doorway of the almost empty waiting room and Tony watched through anxious eyes how the man he loved so very dearly, jumped to his feet.

“Yes,” Jethro growled deeply and Tony watched fascinated how the doctor swallowed heavily.

So, the man hadn’t lost his touch after all...

“He’s my father.”

“Well,” the doctor cleared his throat and smiled softly. “Your father had a minor heart attack and will be  staying with us for a few days, until we can make sure he’s properly adjusted to his medicaments and we’ll have an operation date set.”

“Operation?” Tony asked from where he sat behind Gibbs. He was so very tired.

“Yes, I’m afraid. Mr. Gibbs will need an intracardiac catheter-”

 

*#*

A few hours later:

Gibbs sighed and placed the tool he’d been using aside to have a small sip of the bourbon.

He had flashbacks.

A lot.

His father showing him how to change a flat tire on the family pick up... His father smiling proudly at him when he’d won his first game as footballer…the disgusted look in his father’s face as they fought when he’d found out that Jethro liked guys, too...

 

“Is it safe to come down there?” Franks’ voice came from the stairway and Gibbs sighed again, before he emptied another glass filled with nails and filled it with the amber liquid.

“‘anna talk about it, probie?” Franks asked and snorted when he received an evil’s eye for that question. “Maybe not.”

 

*

“Everything is so fucked up,” Tony whispered and filled a cattle with water.

“What did you say, my boy?”

Tony sighed and smiled over at Ducky, who was sitting at the kitchen table and busy with gift wrapping.

“Nothing, Duckman,” Tony replied and hissed when the baby gave him a particular sharp kick into his kidney.

“Damn,” Tony placed a steadying hand on the countertop. “Hope there’s a reason for kicking me like a mule, little one-”

Ducky chuckled softly before he turned serious again, “You should lay down for a little while, my boy.”

Tony turned and shot a glare at the older man without saying anything.

“All that stress isn’t good for you or the kid and-”

“Okay,” Tony relented and Ducky stopped talking in surprise and watched how the younger man took a cup from one of the shelves and placed a tea bag in it.

 

*

A few hours later:

Gibbs came out of the basement with Franks in tow and frowned when he only saw Ducky on the sofa working on some files.

“If you’re looking for Anthony, he’s upstairs in the bathroom. I took the liberty to cancel dinner-”

He clicked his tongue when he saw the surprised, guilty look on Gibbs’ face and waved a hand to dismiss whatever Gibbs wanted to say. “Anthony had a lot of stress today and needs some downtime- We All need some downtime, Jethro-”

Franks placed a supporting hand on his best friends’ shoulder and pushed him into the direction of the stairs, “Go on, probie. Go and give him some sweet TLC.”

 

*

“Every night was long and gloomy, shadows gathered in the air

No one ever listened to me, no one wondered did I care  
None in all the world to love me, none to count that stars that hung  
Then the moon came out above me and I saw that it was young

I wished on the moon for something I never knew  
I Wished on the moon for more than I ever knew  
A sweeter rose, a softer sky  
An April day that would not dance away

I begged of a star to throw me a beam or two  
Wished on a star and asked for a dream or two  
I looked for ev'ry loveliness, it all came true  
I wished on the moon for you-”

Gibbs heard Tony’s soft voice through the closed door and gave a deep sigh...He could hear so much pain and sorrow in the other man’s voice...caused by him no doubt.  
He first placed the back of his hand against the wood of the door and then his forehead and closed his suddenly wet eyes.  
He took a deep breath and was for a moment hesitant, but then he straightened his back and turned the handle…


End file.
